This is one phase of Woke 2 btw

i'll probably catch some flak for this, but utility bills have gotten so out of control that i've started turning off the burners on my stovetop before i leave the house. it saves a lot of money! i don't need them to be on when i'm not there! i don't know what else to tell you

He already changed their logo

It's good to see that Zach Woods has only become more powerful and based with time.

there is great potential for the 2030s to be a halcyon era of rebuilding via an ambitious, full-employment public works program supplemented by an incredible surplus of prison labor

My enemies are plotting against me and have worked together to make me very sleepy this afternoon.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE JUST CALL THIS THE PONZI SCHEME THAT IT FUCKING IS?!

“Genuinely curious” *closes replies*

NEW YORK (AP) — RFK Jr. stirs controversy, calling soap "just slippery juice what makes germs fall off your hands;" claims olive oil or a banana peel will "do ya just as good," sneezes on reporter's face.

(Sext) "And then we take off our clothes and hang them on a tree branch and get in the water and start making out like crazy and then some teens show up and take our clothes off the branch and yell 'YOOHOO these belong to anyone?' before running away snickering and I say crap my keys were in those p

Look at Toad. His edible is just starting to take hold and he needs to tell Frog that instead they should watch Big Trouble in Little China

new scam going around where they hire you for a job but pay you less than the value your labor produced

alright everyone line up for your goodnight kiss

Y'all heard about the hot new app Moob? Y'all Moobin? Y'all getting your Moob on or...?

I haven’t heard this many people arguing about Raleigh vs. Judge since Sir Walter was accused of trying to remove King James I from the throne and was ultimately sent by Robert Cecil, 1st Earl of Salisbury to the Tower of London in 1603.

“They call him ‘the penguin’ can you believe this guy? ‘The penguin’. It’s terrible. It’s terrible. He’s not gonna be flying when we’re done with him, folks”

fElon Muskrat

they found the gun and it says “im a violent left-wing extremist” written in crayon

writing “I love woke, and hate cops and good Christian fathers” on my huge ass sniper rifle ammo

I don’t know what to say. This is the best news I’ve seen in decades and I’m heartbroken all over again.

i think the funniest thing about every tech company putting their thumb on the scale of their algorithm/ai to appease Trump, is that within 2-4 months, they have to announce they are doing it again because the general public doesn’t want that content

"Illmatic" is a high point of modern music. 30+ years later it's still astonishingly lean and hungry and tense and kinetic.

While you were becoming one of the 1000 most engaging users on bluesky, I studied the blade

“don’t let autism distract you from the Epstein files” buddy, the autism is keeping me LOCKED IN on the Epstein stuff

Michael Buffer's kangol hat at WCW Road Wild 1997 is truly incredible

just found out Eve Fartlow is only 24 lol

what if he was named Charlie Quirk, and he was an adorkable emo boy

the fact that so many people frame autism as “a problem that needs to be solved” is a constant reminder that being “not normal” isn’t acceptable to a large amount of the world. it’s the same reason there’s a trans panic right now too. they think people are defective

hey slim; i just took 2 extra strength Tylenol, dare me to drive?

real

A fit white dude with long hair and a beard just materialized right in front of me bathed in radiant light? Anyways I hit him pretty bad with my car

remember; if you’re in line to be raptured, STAY IN LINE

what if the real rapture was the friends we made along the way

Usually when there's an angel in the Bible it's all 👁️👁️👁️ BE NOT AFRAID 👁️👁️👁️ but when they're in Sodom they're like Oooooh stay away from our tight holes

If you have two bucks to spare please throw it this way or hit the Repost button for me friends. They’re almost to $7k on the first day alone. Gracias!

new Space X launch just dropped

preparing myself for the inevitable Harbaugh 4th quarter blunder

Lamar Jackson

It’s too much liquid.

nobody had autism before Tylenol

i thought they liked the horse medicine?

taking all my heinous opinions and laundering them through the Bible to avoid any personal accountability

eating a #sandwich

shitposting but at a funeral

*Me talking to a Claustrophobic person in late December* I'm so sorry, this must be such a hard time for you