My calculator deeply apologized for displaying 5318008

this guy looks entirely ai-generated

why are there commercials before movie previews now i did not agree to this

they’re saying it’s buckle the fuck up january

The chewy TUMS are too delicious, they've gone too far.

You should listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool guy

the problem with most movies these days is that there isn’t any Billy Zane

My fastest sprint ever is 16 MPH and Jordan Davis hit 18.6 miles per hour on his TD against the Rams this year. Jordan Davis weighs 130 pounds more than me.

an online campaign from elected dems releasing videos wishing trump “good luck” on his daily dementia test would end his presidency

ritz bits pb crackers and 5 cups of coffee is the perfect breakfast for a 38 year old man

Sorry but I absolutely had to bring this over

you call yourself a socialist, but don’t walk around in a wooden barrel held on by suspenders…curious

most of your problems would be solved if you just drank more water

sometimes I’ll make a joke to my wife and she’ll roll her eyes and ask if I’m “gonna post that one on bluesky.” I mean, yes, but her tone is very hurtful

600 dollars is like 2 dollars in this economy

new years resolution 2026: learn how to read

I have a pristine copy in my attic just waiting for its moment

made allen covert crash out over several days online

swearing in on a copy of Big ‘Uns

i refuse to believe there was a Greenland 1. they're gaslighting us with this Greenland 2 ploy

blue gatorade tastes blue as fuck

Water is my life

There are cathedrals everywhere

Oh is it a new year? I didn't notice. I only think in terms of centuries

August 2026

What's next? 2027? 🙄

yuuup.

Zohran Mamdani has not transformed New York City into utopia yet; socialism has failed

This may seem overly simplistic but I think it’s kind of obvious as an adult that that you should be able to choose other adults to fuck or not fuck based on any reason you want without being scolded

Outlook for the new year ...

after Stranger Things is over, i hope that things can get back to normal

(daft punk One More Time voice) Auld Lang Syne

happy new year

driving into 2026 like

i can’t believe it has been 2016 for ten years

i like that, even in some made up poll, the best they could do is 64%

When gandalf said fly you fools he meant take the eagles to mt mordor

One of the great poets of our time, Smash Mouth guy, once said, “Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin'”

Nailed it

your top 5 home cooked breakfasts of 2025, wrapped 5. june 11- two hard boiled eggs, salt and pepper, eaten over the sink 4. september 3- two hard boiled eggs, salt and pepper, eaten over the sink 3. february 23- two hard boiled eggs, salt and pepper, eaten over the sink 2. november 14- two h

the Onion is constantly killing it, but this is probably my favorite from this year

What I’ve been up to lately

you know who has had it too good for too long in this society? that's right. people who have to take care of other people's kids every day

peak comedy

just more means-tested half measures that don’t solve the root of the problem; people dont want to risk going into massive debt to treat minor issues and avoid going to the doctor