X's product head has multiple brushes with death from failing to chew

me and who

GOOD LUCK

congressional Democrats:

I guess I do think if you participated in the arrest of a five-year-old you are probably just fundamentally incompatible with society. That you are not a safe person for humanity to be around, generally

I keep thinking about the number of people that have to be involved to kidnap a small child, transport him to one facility or another, then an airport, then a plane, then another facility. Did no one on that chain stop and say hey what the fuck?

All I have ever heard about every news story from Bill Clinton to drag shows is “it’s awful, parents have to explain this to their children, why can’t we just let kids be kids?” Now an entire classroom is going to go home to parents trying to explain why their five year friend was taken by the govt

Tim Walz is currently drafting up a very sternly-worded tweet about this

“The captured toads will be stored in fridges and freezers to humanely kill them, before being sent to a local taxidermist.” The taxidermy toad market is in for a shock

this is probably the most accurate depiction of geopolitics for the next 200 years

not the important story here but it is pretty crazy scott boras woke up this morning signing cody bellinger to the yankees for $160 million and is now ending his day as the first-call media coordinator for a potential multinational incident

I've seen things you people would believe. Room temperature glass of water on the kitchen counter. I watched birds forage in the park near the regular park gate.

only thing blue line i recognize 🫡

This guy went to work today, put a mask on, kidnapped a 5 year old child, and then used him as bait so both he and his father could be sent behind bars

the "kidnap a significant international star" fuck-up happened a little sooner than i expected

is this real??

Pump up the yams

His name is Liam Ramos, and he is 5. He was abducted from Minneapolis and trafficked to a detention camp in Texas.

i get the point being made but its kind of funny that all these people are coming out to say LOOK LOOK WE HELPED YOU COMMIT THE WORST CRIMES OF THE EARLY TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY. WE ARE PART OF THE CLUB. WE DO THE CRIMES, THEY DONT GET DONE TO US.

This is insane. Insane that it's happening. Insane that these good folks need to do it in the first place. And insane that no one in power is helping them one iota.

It's the time of day on my day off where tomorrow at work I'll look at posts I started making and think "OK this is where I got crossfaded and started trying to cook too much"

If Europeans are so worried about Trump why don't they zerg rush him while he's at Davos

His wife isn’t travelling with him in case she gets grabbed by ICE and deported

cry havoc and let slip the dogs of corn

centuries ago, the bone thugs lived n harmony

any time i open anything on the computer now, i get a large pop-up begging me to use the ai-functions

nationalist shit talking is a fun way to distract ourselves from the international moneyed pedophile class moving into open conflict with each other

always entranced by accounts with 33.7k followers and 35.4k follow-ees. what a journey those guys are on man

Had a Gusher for the first time in a long time and they still go pretty hard, they need to put some grown up flavors in there like Pesto so I don’t feel embarrassed buying them

realized her boyfriend might have been Greg Bovino

msn messenger finally reigns supreme

The cognitive dissonance of constantly reading that I need to spend some time mastering generative AI while not knowing a single person in my industry who uses it to do good work 🤙

early bird boyfriend, worm girlfriend

rewatched jaws last night and its great but i forgot the shark only shows up like four times and most of the movie is just three guys arguing on a boat about nothing

HE'S FUCKING DOING IT AGAIN

it’s a good bit that he essentially recreated Junior and Eric vibes here

this is how teenagers dress now btw

Everyone in his inner circle would be insider trading trading on his death on Kalshi before turning the plane around

it’s going to be so funny when it does happen

look im not taking a position one way or the other but i will say that if donald trump was having a massive infarction on his plane they would 100% say it was a minor electrical issue

Eric Trump just got off the phone with the president he said “which one is Eric again?” and then hung up

Maybe someone was charging their Galaxy Note 7

hearing that on his deathbed donald trump tried to receive the light of islam but couldn't recite the shahada. so hes in hell now

it's probably nothing. it's probably not something funny. it's probably not the case he got his pants stuck in the tray table. he probably didn't get his pants stuck in the tray table then he waddled and tripped and split his pants down the middle. they're probably not turning around because of that

Donald Trump has died

Optometrist: can you read these letters for me? Me: uhh sure... d f v m r b w Optometrist: [typing into captcha to log into his bank account] cool thanks

This has been a test of The Funny Thing Happened Broadcast Service, and you all did great. See you next time

that momentary feeling of hope pales in comparison to how funny it will be when it really happens