y'all kfc brought the twister back

the scientific name for a white person who can handle spice is “capsaicin caucasian”

me and the homies when we find the guy who invented daylight savings time

declaring war against daylight savings time and i intend to win

I'm TIRED and the event hasn't even started

me after hitting 1/10 targets in big buck hunter

Pricemaster ass claw machine game

daniel day drinkin

andrew drinkin

me when the bar has golden tee

mf had NO idea how joan of arc felt

i don't understand people who just text memes and don't have conversations with each other. i.... don't want that.

If you smell toast, you might be having a stroke... a stroke of luck that is. It’s toast time.

decent organization, good pun 8/10

lowered some numbers on a recent blood test. Still higher than they should be but I'm basically a Don't Buy stock at this point whereas I was a full on Sell a month ago

they're talking to each other

wes anderson should do a jonathan richman musical

this concert crowd is so full of old people I half expect the opening act to just be a guy knitting a pair of socks

Bocce posting

(he's talking about me)

a milkshake made in one of these

thought he was saying pet me but he was saying pepsi

Masterful Troll, TCM.

but this ain't Sea World, this is real as it gets

buster scruggs?! i don't even know 'er scruggs

you ever read an obituary where the next of kin clearly despised the deceased? it's uh something

these ryan oreilly oz prequels are nuts

i hope it's the wind fish

made a "club em in the kneecap" comment to someone too young to remember the 1994 Olympics 😬😬😥

second place at retro game trivia, feel like shit

🎶 fish don't fry in the kitchen 🎶 beans don't burn on the grill 🎶 took a whole lot of trying 🎶 just to get up that hill 🎶

wherever the Monk is, it's Mardi Gras

ain't this chair great slapnuts? J-Ä-R-V-F J-Ä-DOUBLE L-E-SINGLE T

frodo waking up in Rivendell seeing all his friends* *and also legolas even though they only interacted once

Realtors after putting 1 stuffed toy in the center of an empty room: "Maybe a nursery???"

I want them to shave wheeler yuta like they shaved aslan in narnia

she touch on my fuzzy til i get dizzy

when you're drunk and have something to announce

time to drink the beer

you had one job

daniel day drinkin

matchbox 2026

andrew drinkin