It's quite simple, spend £8 on tuna now, and the baked potatoes will flow for months

There's a gravy ad that's like "9 out of 10 people agree meal times are better without phones" which is really funny to me because one in ten people they asked was like NO I NEED MY PHONE

I was watching Mary Poppins but then I remembered I had a free donut at Greggs that would expire if I didn't claim it RIGHT NOW and when I got back she was flying away with her umbrella so... oh well

I bought a prawn mayo baguette with a comical amount of prawns, enough fell out to constitute an entire separate prawn salad

We tried to get our first Nick viewing of the year but it was like FULLY BOOKED I can't believe how popular Nick still is I mean I can believe it, it's Nick

My new year's resolution is to use my standing desk more and commission raccoons eating planes

Egg was too hot

My mum sent me a Steve Brule gif which was totally fair

jymgo.app/newyear/ USE MY NEW YEAR COUNTDOWN TO CELEBRATE A BUDDY NEW YEAR PUT IT ON YOUR TV UNTIL MIDNIGHT

Happy new year 2026

Fuck. FUCK MILK PARTY TONIGHT??

I may have started this ambitious jelly project too late in the year

My new year's resolution is to use my standing desk more and commission raccoons eating planes

The orange car has a VIGILANCE DETECTOR which I've never seen drop more than one segment, then it went back up again. How does it WORK I certainly don't FEEL permanently vigilant, what is it looking for

Ah yes good Idris Elba has been knighted for his delivery of the line "orange dog" Well deserved

They spelt Wilde correctly

I lost my hat in Battersea Power Station :(

The fox is in front of the cross because actually DO feed foxes always

"Pump number 5 please" "The orange one, yeah?" Best moment of my life

Okay I think it's been long enough that we can talk about The Bad Guys 2 So when Mr Wolf turned down the offer of a breathmint, that... that was horny right

Pawbert's a fuck

Whatever fucking genius decided Nick's nose should be purple was a fucking... god, fuck

nicholas

Name an award winning animal

Subway were like, you have to spend £7 to maintain your HOT SHOT status next year, and it'd be a shame to throw away all the hard work I put in this year so I had to go to Subway

I've been saying this for years

Does anyone remember If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow? A guy called Hamish Hawk has done a cover of it and if just one person could listen to it and say "yeah that was pretty good" that would make my Christmas because I am obsessed

Foxing day is the cutest day of the year and here's why Hooray for foxes

I wrote more Christmas cracker jokes

Who's this guy Where's the Queen

youtu.be/PiFi2GQ2fkU Christmas tradition

Leave bacon on your doorstep so the foxes know it's Christmas too

The whole concept of Santa is absolutely nuts if you really take a step back and think about the whole thing

The bacon Cheez-its at Co-op scanned at 46p and I couldn't hide my excitement I went back and grabbed every bag

MERRY CHRISTMAS

If you get the Screwfix app they're giving everyone like £10 off literally anything today, they've gone mad with power I BOUGHT A FAN

It's truly terrifying when you think about how many Costa Express machines there are... there's 10 within a mile of me right now What do we do

OH NO if you're thinking "maybe I'll pop into Tesco for a quick meal deal" don't... don't think that

Have they ever made cheese Oreos with like, a yellow filling

PSA: the BBC are showing Puss in Boots: The Last Wish on Boxing Day, so just beware if you're spending time with family, Death Wolf boners can ruin Christmas

People signing off and saying merry Christmas in the work Teams chat and I react with a Santa or a reindeer while everyone else just sends a thumbs up like am I the only one with any FUCKING WHIMSY IN THIS ORGANISATION

Remember when me setting the Christmas station as one of the presets in my new car in October was the HEIGHT OF COMEDY Well WHO'S LAUGHING NOW

You'd tell me if I had something in my nose, right?

"I got Lego Star Wars for Christmas" "Oh cool, like, the Millennium Falcon? Darth Vader? Which set?" "Star Wars"

I never really thought about it but what's with that slightly sinister moment in Slade's Merry Xmas Everybody when he goes "what will your daddy do when he sees your mama kissing Santa" and then goes back to the regular song like nothing ever happened

Shit, this is a really good Christmas card I was just going to take a picture of it but it was like, no it deserves my money

The news is going crazy about WORST FLU SEASON EVER HOSPITALS IN MELTDOWN and I don't know anyone who's even had a cold Now they've added a "check how many flu cases in your local hospital" thing and sure enough, there's none around here So I don't know where all the flu is, London maybe?

Okay the keyboard is gone, all is peaceful Remind me never to be tempted by a mechanical keyboard ever again

Why would anyone ever want an old car when you can ask a new car to turn on your heated blanket while you're driving home so your bed is ready for you

Just found the Notepad I opened to try out my new keyboard for the first time was still open