who's turn is it to tuck me in for my nap? i'm getting cranky

roy halladay because complete games rule

its gonna be an exciting day for the neighbor's dog. i put a little fried haddock i'm not gonna finish in my compost heap

[guy who sings home on the range too much]: 🎵 hoooome, home on the range 🎶

they're deduplicating me tomorrow

pet peeve reveal: you don't rent stuff from the library. you borrow it.

ya gotta be moving

false. its the +30 seconds microwave button

i can finally get back to ragging on my friends who are barely aware baseball exists when my team beats the one in their area

lots of people like being indefinitely held down, am i right fellas

if the new mario movie doesn't have a scene of mario jumping off yoshi to avoid falling into a pit whats even the point

baseball!!!

👇 i absolutely agree with that guy 👇

👇 i absolutely agree with that guy 👇

are people going to start trying to make quidditch into a real sport again even though it has a very unexciting & strange scoring system that negates almost all of the rest of the game and requires both flying brooms and flying, semi-autonomous balls

sent kidfish to school today with a thermos full of piping hot baked beans for lunch, as she requested

spirited away (2001)

oh i'm just finding my truth in industrial machinery on aliexpress. hbu?

shes sucking off his fingers so fast it started a friction fire

i'm the healthiest boy there ever was (gaba brown rice for dinner)

i use my desktop computer 👴 running linux btw

well thats it for chainsaw man i guess. i didn't necessarily dislike the ending but it definitely felt underwhelming. all of the second half of the manga didn't really feel like it went anywhere now that all is said and done.

i'll file your taxes for $100,000. and up.

ice in airports is just to distract you from the tsa 🧠

girl are you my typical diet? you're making my heart work much harder than it should. when you fell from heaven.

things that should be illegal: my kindle to run out of battery in the library while they don't have a physical copy of the book i'm reading

i'm at the library and unfortunately looked up when someone said "hey, fish!" to the new aquarium they recently set up

i want you to assume all my posts end in ', idiot'

yeah i eat ass

figuring out lots of stuff, solving many mysteries. i've determined these roottree fellas are dead as fuck.

they should let you doordash the airport burger king with $22.89 whoppers

how are they still opening new chipotles near me

i told kidfish that cabbage and broccoli are actually the same species. she didn't care in the least. "they're all vegetables" she told me, rolling her eyes.

the millennial time flux: when the guy who is approximately your age starts talking about using snapchat in high school

i'm hearing they are stealing my idea of ice in airports

who's excited for the elder scrolls 6: arena 6: daggerfall 5: morrowind 4: oblivion 3: skyrim 2?

lemme mind meld you with my pointy penus bb

ooooouuuuggggggggghhhh i ate too many waffles

so apparently the gas station guy gets real mad at you if you try to warm up a can of coffee on the hot dog roller

i finished the tutorial in the roottrees are dead so i'm basically a genius. and will be addressed as such.

nice timing everyone

for everyone keeping track: i just clipped my toe nails

ohhhh chuck norris died for real. that's why its 2005 on here.

unc chopped

over the next few years we've got to completely flip the definition of alpha to mean exclusively 5-10 year olds

seating for 5

just debased myself to better fit in acidic nooks & crannies

just deboned myself to better fit in oddly shaped nooks & crannies

i bet plain seltzer + sugar + citric acid is like 90% of the way to sprite. big soda doesn't want you to know this.