Happy Birthday to Emo Philips. Some say he’s a “stand up guy” … I say he’s a Sicko. @emophilips.bsky.social

I stopped by “The Late Show” (soon to be the LATE Late Show) to give Mr. Colbert a piece of my hand-drawn mind. @colbertlateshow.bsky.social

BREAKING: “Pope Leo Denounces Anti-Foreigner Action” - Newsweek @theonion.com

Tie Fighter. My latest:

Look for me in "Melania 2." @theonion.com

This Sicko was on "On With Kara Swisher" in front of some familiar artwork ... www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrFz... @bencollins.bsky.social @karaswisher.bsky.social @theonion.com

For your inner Paul Bunyan:

Helicopter parents "STRIKE" ... @theonion.com

“Melania” opens today!! Grab some popcorn … and more! @theonion.com

In fairness, the Hall of Fame couldn’t get it up for him either. @theonion.com

Going from Bad to Norsk. @theonion.com theonion.com/thats-norway...

So much talk about the “Chips made in China” … but what about the Dips?!? @theonion.com

Update from me and @theonion.com :

After the latest winter storm, we want to escape “Ice,” too … @theonion.com

WHAT'S WRONG WITH SICKO FANS?!?!? @theonion.com

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE https://store.theonion.com/products/sinister-minnesotans-t-shirt?variant=44569654984773

Hiring - en mask! @theonion.com

Congratulations on the MLK Day, my fellow Americans: We beat racism! @theonion.com

Achtung-tied. @theonion.com

🏆🥇 @theonion.com

Outlook for the new year ...

A name you can trust.

Some advice for you fancy folks going out on the town tonight:

Lesson learned! Hopefully my tough-love message didn’t sting too badly, but sometimes that’s what it takes. Now we have the Trump Kennedy Center, Trump Gold Cards, and Trump-class battleships, just as God intended. You’re welcome, America. @theonion.com

Thank you, @theonion.com

Thanks for nothing, @time.com . @theonion.com

Let's come together to prevent elder abuse. @theonion.com

Let's make this the best Christmas. Ever. @theonion.com

Shrubs me the wrong way. @theonion.com

Something special for you folks in the latest Onion: the 2025 Kelly Wrapping Paper has arrived to make spirits bright. You’re welcome, Santa Kelly @theonion.com

Wrap band. @sickoscommittee.org

This holiday season, please think of the children. @theonion.com

Nothing makes spirits bright like a Sicko looking through your window. @theonion.com

O Tannen-BOMB! @theonion.com

Only eleven more shopping days until more shopping days. @theonion.com

Bar Trivia = Latest Fad @theonion.com

Swashbuckle-up. @theonion.com

Cyber Monday* *latest fad

My latest is a tribute to the enduring power of friendship:

After all we've done for them ... "Happy" Thanksgiving. @theonion.com

Count your blessings. @theonion.com

Don't bash the 'stache. @theonion.com theonion.com/hirsute-your...

A Kelly Klassic (TM) from 2020. No offense, @cowtoolsdaily.bsky.social

This Mooooves me deeply.

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO ORDER AND GET SHIPPING BY THE HOLIDAYS! I hope you heard that “all caps”* message. *Latest Fad

Yes … meow meow meow … YES! Happy Friday from Dottie. I’ve always believed cats were Sickos … @theonion.com

Pro-tip: This time of year, LEAVE the seasonal duties to the real men. @theonion.com

When will THEY be thanked for THEIR service? @theonion.com