happy new year im gonna go drink a beer in the shower

what the fuck man im not 60

“see you guys next y-“ *arrow comes out of nowhere and impales me thru the skull*

I must’ve read a thousand faces bro

pedophiles are using this symbol on the back of their pickup trucks to silently communicate with each other on the road

I’ve spent no less than 3 grand on my car in the last month chariman xi we need you

farts are stored in the ass

happy new year just kidding

found @funeralpig.bsky.social in the wild (Reddit)

never shoulda smoked that shit now im wondering why we‘re involved in middle eastern affairs

this weed got me mad at the 1 percent

bernie sanders dank meme page

2hollis is dope im afraid

listen man, im not a scientist. I haven’t read the peer reviewed studies, but I think you should be cleaning ur asshole

idk how dudes walk around without washing their asses it’s incredible tbh. That shit is mad uncomfortable and sometimes you catch a whiff of it like “damn who shit my pants“

mr. too many damn beverages

recording kids walking into a daycare normal style

three ball, game blouses

hope this email fucking ruins ur day asshole

grown ass man having a happy birthday smh

ready or not here I chud you can’t ler

them: *shows me a pic of their new baby* me: that’s ai

lmao fuck you bijan

brock purdy dougie compilation

emails be like “20% off the entire store this week“ and “give us 250000 dollars or we kill your son”

sorry for getting political again...

idk who needs to hear this but hitler was bad like fr

farner scented pillowcase

you are very beautiful to me bro

i feel like ur not acknowledging my lived experience, ur honor

[frank sinatra voice] I got molly I got white I got molly I got white…

I’d believe anti vaxxers if they thought vaccines gave you something really weird and specific like an allergy to spicy slim jims just the spicy ones tho the mild ones are fine

live laugh lactate

woke up with no bones again

bit of advice for ppl going insane: stop

merry christmas everybody

mccaffrey is a fucking alien

it’s looked like the mist from the movie The Mist outside for the last 4 days when will this nightmare end

fantasy superbowl opponent has bijan, achane, jsn, cook and trevor lawrence

sometimes if the first like 3 things I see on here are just insane gibberish I close the app for the day

derrick henry did what

I need all my bitches same color as skip

let’s hear it for microwaves. an under appreciated way to heat food.

my dog knows im going to work and he’s not happy about it not one bit

my chopper theoretical shoutout young sheldon

a rapper named yung sheldon

I haven’t smoked or vaped in 2 weeks