everything that has ever happened has occurred in the last 3 days

there are only two venues artists can perform at now: saudi arabia and kai cenat’s basement

who’s ready for a Normal day tomorrow

*holds you tight and never lets go*

”I’m anti antifa” this mf fa

sorry I’m late boss I woke up in the woods with no clothes on covered in blood I think I went werewolf mode again

asking the barista at starbucks for a coffee with extra pulp

[dunking my chicken nuggets in old spice] wait if that’s here then where’s the— *flashback to me lathering myself in barbecue sauce*

the reviews are coming in, folks

if you started george pickens this week let me see your hands up let’s fucking go

this guy at work is bumping gay porn I can hear it outside the airpods why you got it so loud man?

ghost ride the gundam

this mf dumb as hell

lost a follower. gonna deactivate for 2 months again

eating food is a top 3 activity alongside drinking beverages and sleeping indoors

turning on my fitbit before a light gooning sesh

leggo my eggo and leggo my wife while ur at it pal

and I’m proud to be an americannnn where some dumb cracker with a gun freaks out and kills people every 2 hours

🇺🇸

heterosexual shordy

bijan….plz…no

I think we can all agree that AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKKKKKKKKK

you got scammed ggs

socially antifa fiscally fascist

I don’t care about democracy I care about mf FOOTBALLLLLLLLLLL WOOOOO TOYCHDOWNNNNN

are you ready for some state sanctioned footballllllll I’ll drink a damn beer to that brother

motorboating the loose skin under trump’s neck

me - “I kicked a baby kitten several hundred feet on my way to work today for no reason” blueskyuser6745 - “welcome back farner :)”

nice holes….be a shame if someone— filled em

Netanyahu tells U.S. influencers that Hamas has “no aura” and reports of his war crimes are ”pure cap“

I’ll be your dad if you want I‘d think it’s weird the whole time but I’ll do it

I think jerry chen is trying to contact me in my dreams with his psychic powers

peter thiel stop talking about the anti-christ challenge [IMPOSSIBLE]

sign up for Bluesky+ for only $5.99 a month and get premium free speech

stephen miller tried to freestyle in front of his black friends in 7th grade and they clowned him that’s why he’s like this now

good news guys I’m mentally healthy now I’m all good bad news tho I’m a registered republican :/

I’m not sticking around guys sorry I just wanted to see if you were all normal yet

the skeet heard round the world

when they brought back the jimmy kimmel show I knew we had defeated fascism and I gave my wife some seriously disappointing sex

where the fuck would this country be without jimmie kimmle

when they fired jimmy kimmel i made a serious attempt at ending my own life

thank you for your service, jimmey kimbel

me - “is…THIS your card? 😏” the national guard troops outside my polling station - “YOU ARE BEING PLACED INTO FEDERAL CUSTODY FOR WITCHCRAFT”

I found the joe rogan of the left his name is keith and he‘s smoking fent outside my apartment building

[waking up the day after the rapture was supposed to happen after selling my house for $3 and putting my kids on eBay and jacking off in the middle of a walmart and placing a bomb in my bosses car] welp

yeah I’ll take the charlie kirk hot dog with extra freedom sauce and a side of debate me fries

ICE application: JOIN NOW FOR 1 MILLION DOLLARS AND FREE MCDONALDS FOR LIFE *must kill 30 grandmas before 1/1/26 some restrictions may apply*

what the deuce

big dawg status it ain’t no secret