LOLOLOL DUMB SPORT A++

This is terrible for these fans but tremendous content.

I would like to be in bed

This had less of a chance than I did with Rihanna

Let's pitch it and see if one blocker and the running back can beat three defenders into the end zone. Masterful plan, coach.

GO FOR IT, COWARDS

Aaron Rodgers running like a vaccine is chasing him

Hey girl is your name Instant Replay because I can't tell if you're a catch or not.

Time for another one of Alice's Horse Facts! Horses produce 5 to 10 gallons of saliva a day! For reference, those blue jugs of water that people use for drinking fountains is 5 gallons.

I have a hormone blood panel tomorrow morning. The email said to abstain from any sexual activity 24 hours prior. I did several thousand hours just to be sure it’s accurate.

Dropped a Very Heavy Metal Thing on my toe and it's going to be gnarly later when I show all my bluesky friends.

BRIAN BROBBEY

Need to do skincare but don't feel like doing skincare.

Troy Aikman Shut the Fuck Up Challenge: Impossible

i’m old enough to remember when Republicans were vehemently anti-regime change

Buddy sometimes you get 13 win Darnold and sometimes you get 3 loss Darnold and the gulf between them is VAST.

More green beans #greenbeans

Another incredible night for my gf, The Moon.

The NFL playoff committee should just leave out the NFC south and put Indiana in

I have received three (3) texts about how hot Dave Canales is.

Hey @ossoff.senate.gov @warnock.senate.gov See below. I voted for both of you. Do your jobs.

I could eat a falafel right now.

Left voicemails for Ossoff, Warnock, and McCormick this morning, all saying the exact same thing: if every member of this administration isn’t impeached, then Congress has abdicated its responsibility as an equal branch of government, and the Constitution is effectively moot.

Up late and down bad

Get to espn if you want to see a fight

Sure looked like that wake DB went right for the leg.

WAKE BABY YOU GOTTA BLOCK ON THE XP

It's gotta be hard for noted turf science school Mississippi State to play on this shiny green no padding indoor outdoor basement carpet tonight.

Refuses to let me love on her.

CBS News is less useful than turn signals on a BMW.

* stare at the blank page before them * open up the dirty window * let the sun illuminate the words that they cannot find

getting your car first date clean is a nice way to be productive and reset the mood if you have some free time

We have now moved onto “I Can’t Make You Love Me“ by Bonnie Raitt. Just speedrunning feelings today.

When Lane calls her "Kim" and not "Coach" in bed

At my old Starbucks in the city and no one recognizes me :(

I feel bad because my brother in law is having a tough week at work and personally and I am systematically dismantling him in our chess game.

"Just following up on that project we discussed in early December."

🎶 it's Friday, I'm in love 🎶

Ole Miss is undefeated since Zohran Mamdani was sworn in.

I better see this same energy and commitment for Texas State and Rice in the Armed Forces Bowl tomorrow.

What a dang day of sports

WHAT'D I TELL Y'ALL

Lol they're gonna get one more play

There is still time to fit one more dumb in here.

Too much time?