cats are jesus christ

shrinking down extra tiny so my cats can carry me from place to place

he doesn't have what it takes to be with a girl like me (i have ibs)

give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which i desire (pasta)

me, queuing up music for the car ride

oh, life is but a dream you say? feels more like a nightmare if you ask me

i swear i’m going to be productive today, just give me five more minutes of scrolling

sometimes you guys talk about stuff that i’m like 99% sure is made up. i’ve never heard of it in my life, why are you gaslighting me

if you really loved me, you’d buy me pasta

all this money in the world and you can’t even send me $10,000

me: my house is pretty old, so when the toilet sounds like it’s struggling, i tell it to choke it down and that seems to do the trick cashier: ma’am, you are really holding up the line

nobody stands in between me and my man

this is who raised me

why are you all looking at me

me, completely unprompted

you’re either party rocking with me or party rocking against me

i’m done learning things, no more knowledge for me

there’s a couple of jet skis on trailer down the street from my house and it just feels like bait

maybe things would be better if we still called them breeches

i thought that that was quite strange 🎶

weed is amazing because i woke up with a headache and now im dancing around to stevie wonder

i’m like if a girl was a land mine

sorry, i can’t hang out tonight. i have to plot world domination with my cats

i wish i was a gargoyle

yeah

it’s ploppin time

i love new avatar movie

every day i understand db cooper a little bit more

maybe things would be better if we still called them breeches

if you do not greet my cats when you come over you might as well just turn around and walk right back out the door

when someone likes your selfie it means you are the most beautiful person in the world

i’ve got my eye on you

just in case you thought i was just a square piece of face, here’s the rest of my head

that 4pm about to doze off feeling

my sighs are up here

You come to me on the day my daughter is doing taco tuesday

thinking about buying a tandem bicycle ama

the feminine urge to put my foot down your throat 'til your shit's in my shoe

i call this look grumpy face glam wolverine

this is what hacking the mainframe actually means

I BUST IN DUDES' MOUTHS LIKE GUSHERS MOTHERFUCKER

my pussy is a growler

the feminine urge to put my foot down your throat 'til your shit's in my shoe

i love how audi and i just text each other voicemems of us singing or making weird noises like thats how i know shes my bestie

my pussy is a growler

there’s a couple of jet skis on trailer down the street from my house and it just feels like bait

great, just got waitlisted for screaming into the Void