i’ll be on my little account in ur looking for me 💕

i am sorry 4 blinding u with my white as fuck legs. it will happen again bc my skin will not tan whatsoever

guys u can follow my other acc if u want but no funny business @notstrawbabyjam.bsky.social :)))

going to montreal about it….

good morning divas!!!!

whoever said “if u never try, u will never know” was so real for that

guys btw ppl are still finding dead mice at the bottom of their alani cans. ok goodnight sweet dreams

i’m not just a girl. i’m also a spiritual awakening

some of the shit u men are just so comfortable saying is proof u never got ur ass beat & we will start today

i am babysitting my moms dog who is a basket case & they are setting off fireworks at the park :( pray for him

if u can’t accept me at my hello kitty doin a robbery then u don’t deserve me at my baddie furby smokin a cigarette

i just feel like this is the move rn

picking a new pfp is serious business bc like what if no one recognizes me or what if i don’t like it again in a couple days also what’s stopping me from changing it whenever the hell i want like why do i have this rule in my head that i can’t change it

sitting by myself on the couch laughing and snorting

not platonic not romantic but a third more sinister thing… plamantic

if i’m not a ray of sunshine in ur life that warms and brightens even ur coldest and darkest days then im not doing my job

it’s a beautiful day to buy an ice cream cake & go to the park

no offense but i’m a very reasonable person so if i hate u then idk what to tell u

like this post for 1 forehead kiss

exuding sex appeal & being terrifying is my brand

taco bell has really stepped up their game lately. like are u kidding me with the avocado ranch chicken stacker get out of town

don’t be sorry bitch be careful…..

would u guys still love me if i didn’t want to be a furby anymore

ur sooo fucking hot i love our friendship!!!

guys a big bug definitely did not just crawl across my face sending me into cardiac arrest and waking every sleeping human & animal in the area

i would put some u in my pocket & carry u around with me forever

nobody talks about the downsides of being hot amazing nurturing caring sweet funny loving beautiful and the full package basically

i love being the one that got away. get the fuck off my line bitch u had ur chance

when u sleep all day & everyone keeps trying to wake u up. leave me alone im dead

a pro tip is to be friends w someone who smokes so u can smoke all their cigarettes w them

i’m maternal for my friends. don’t u dare even breathe at them the wrong way i will cook u alive then eat u

when the drinks start tasting like i need to cry to my irls about how sweet u guys are to me & how much i adore u

no babe it’s so hot when u make me log off against my will for the benefit of my mental wellbeing. thank u seriously

fridays are for getting so gay off that tequila & feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries

i don’t give a fuck who talk behind my back cause the bitch knew better than to let me hear her……

normalize simping for ur friends . yes girl ur perfect & can do no wrong my beautiful stunning angel baby i am so in love with u give me a kiss

would u guys still love me if i was so incredibly tired & didn’t have a single thought in my brain….

bdsm but it’s me forcing u to take a pilates class w me

it should be legal to murder men for approaching u in the early morning hours at a gas station

unfortunately i am addicted to tiramisu cream cloud frappes unfortunately they are $10 unfortunately thats not gonna stop me

fuck making friends. i want to make cookies

i now have notifications turned on for a lot of u. no pressure

cannot stop thinking about a huge mew stuffie that i saw the other day… i don’t need it… but i want it… i want it so bad….

stop the world… my nail polish is chipped…

boomers vs debit machines

why do people drive like they popped a xanax. can u lock the fuck in????

if ur too pretty & kind people will assume ur stupid

quitting my job to pursue my true passion which is cleaning my house to my hot girl playlist