everyone shut up!!! it’s post malones birthday today. happy birthday post malone

not now sweetie. i’ve reached flow state (baking cookies & listening to lana)

if u wanna torture a man for fun just ask him for the date, place, & time he was born and make him listen to u read his entire birth chart

sorry that my face is too beautiful and my heart is too pure and i care so deeply and i bring love & light w me everywhere i go. it will happen all the time forever these bitches won’t stop me

i’m gonna go sit on a patio and drink sangria and eat nachos if u don’t mind :)

“omg i keep finding ur hair all over my house” yes ur welcome

hisses, bites you

i’m bored guys let’s all listen to our subliminals and manifest and glow up

in 3 days u will begin to cough

a cute thing that some humans do is overthink something small they said/ did to u & come to u later like “i hope that didn’t upset u” like wdym omg i love u

do u think the spider in my room likes my concerts or not really?

somehow 2 mosquitoes got into my car & they’ve been there for a couple days now but i keep forgetting to kill them so every time i’ve driven im just throwing haymakers

y’all ever be thinking about everything u went through and been amazed by ur own strength… like wow we don’t give ourselves enough credit truly!!!!

under boob sweat thigh chafing girlies. i’m just checking on u. are u okay? cause i’m not

pool today. beach tomorrow. ugh i feel so tropical coconut water this heat is making me feral

that one friend with a pool who invites u over is like the god of the summer. thank u king omg u saved my life u have no idea

i fucking love watermelon dude

hot girl summer. in my backyard journaling and hitting my vape and running through the sprinkler and being with nature and healing and finding myself

sometimes it’s just like ew who even is this person like who are u i don’t know who u are this is not the person i know please stay away from me

i’ve always wanted my very own chipmunk to love and care for

is this a safe space to say all dua lipas songs sound the same to me? idk she’s beeeeautiful though no shade

my friend is getting her wisdom teeth out and i’m waiting like a worried parent guys we have to go get her ice cream after. yeah it’s barely 7 am. the things u do for love

u never see me at the club bc i’m at home in bed w my wife and i’m using her tits as pillows and she’s playing with my hair

i win every fight someone starts with me by doing nothing because the universe loves me and will defend me from evil

girl who loves being alone but also hates being alone idk dude just leave me alone but don’t u dare leave me alone

i have a phd in the fine art of discernment

she let me hit bc i communicate openly & honestly

ur girl gives the best hugs!!!

guys happy canada day. please drink water

it will be 10000 degrees outside and a random man will really be like “beautiful weather we’re having” shut up get out of my face right now u fucking idiot

idk who needs to hear this but ur so beautiful. yes even when ur in bed eating a family size bag of sweet chili heat doritos w hormonal acne on ur face

y’all ever just contain so many multitudes that every day u feel like a different person?

religious people will really be in psychosis telling u the most bonkers shit and be dead serious but if u believe in astrology ur crazy

self love and inner peace maxxing

u have insulted my intelligence & psychic abilities for the last time playboy

hey guys i don't actually hate you guys i don't actually think i'm better than you i was just saying it for a bit haha i just had a little meltdown as a joke

guys. hold my beer and watch this

who up wondering why adults don’t get a summer break?

hey queen

babe can u come over so we can stress nap & forget about things for a little while and hopefully wake up refreshed with a new outlook??

they should make a disney princess who’s a mermaid and gets drunk off sangria and smokes cigarettes. wait that’s me

i need ppl to start being normal to me or just leave me alone. i’m about to start being such a huge bitch please i’m begging i don’t wanna do it please

happy mercury retrograde to everyone especially my cancer friends. let’s all take deep breaths

girl whatever

i need the science behind why the birds are going crazy at 1-2 am like what’s that all about

one thing about me is i’m not the bigger person

sitting outside and there’s a baby bee trying to attack me i guess bc im too close to its hive which is so valid but like i live here bro

don’t worry about me. worry about the karmic debt ur racking up

girl who touched so much grass that she burst a blood vessel in her eye and scraped her knees and elbows and got sunburnt to shit and got blisters on her feet then died

i look around and i’m just glad i’m me