the government: we will continue to commit extrajudicial kidnapping and murder with zero repercussions kamala hq: we have a content hub

you should be allowed to smoke a little bit of weed at work

[your dad, in a fantastic mood, texting you just to say hi] please call me when you have a moment. thanks.

calling all dads not for any reason just… be ready

drops huge cartoon piano on you

isn't it crazy how chuck schumer fucking sucks. isn't that crazy

chuck schumer try not to blow it challenge IMPOSSIBLE

public hair

pubert hair

the jokes write themselves folks

“abolish ice and then what?” probably grab a gyro or something, idk

throwing my body at the wall to see what sticks

health and wellness? more like wealth and hellness

health and wellness? more like wealth and wellness

my haters have constructed a large transparent observation dome and will soon begin conducting experiments

i’m hosting the march towards billionaires where we all just slowly walk towards them like the snail that kills you if it touches you

tonight we will find out if i can post fast enough to outrun the crushing fear of my obligations

tony dokoupil has passed away after choking on a kong toy

i think naming the movie awards after your grandma is tacky personally

vehicular manslaughter is a beautiful name for the charges you’re facing

(fox news host trying very hard to sound serious) mr president, they’re saying you have a stinky butt and a gross hole. what do you make of that?

(guy who just took a big stinky shit in your bathroom) i think someone took a big stinky shit in your bathroom

they’re coming out with woke 2

they should invent a fine cuban man who shoots me out of the passenger’s seat of his 1971 dodge charger like 2 fast 2 furious

so many good decent people on this website. i look at other website and i go “ah fuck. oh what the fuck dude why are you showing me this

a tightly rolled joint with a little kief could heal this nation

valerie by amy winehouse still makes me cry

It's near-white out conditions in Chicago as the snow comes down, and tonight's anti-ICE/CBP rally is wrapping up in front of city hall. But not before the crowd bounces and chants, "I believe that we will win!"

also:

rudy looks like his mouth is about to fall out of his mouth

we could really use an it happening today

headlines that rule

we used to do the stanky leg in this country

this one goes out to everyone who has ever posted

quasimodo ass

tapping the fucking goddamn shit ass sign

fairly sure republicans just have one of those bingo ball spinners in the oval office with fox news buzzwords written on them so every time they tweet they’re just like hmmmmm spin spin spin “radical leftist transgender socialist”

posting on the internet is dumb

head injury is a beautiful name for the reason i’m calling off work tomorrow

has anyone ever smoked weed

there’s a wizard going around and he’s stealing your piss

ABOLISH ICE IS THE MODERATE POSITION

tapping the motherfucking sign

typing “BREAKING:” in a post is not a source typing “BREAKING:” in a post is not a source typing “BREAKING:” in a post is not a source typing “BREAKING:” in a post is not a source

it’s always a guy who looks like a men in black alien that desperately needs sugar water

pronouncing penis like denise

nothing has changed in minneapolis except the public face of ICE your government will now put in front of you. they didn’t demote bovino because it was the right thing to do, they did it because they’re scared of the public. they should be more scared.

Hegseth just gave ice a decommissioned military base outside Minneapolis from which to stage their invasion. keep calling and yelling at your reps cuz the finish line isn’t behind us

a reminder that bovino was positioned as a fall guy in an effort to give ICE cover to continue doing the exact same depraved inhumane shit they’ve been doing. they are trying to shut you up and distract you while they continue to kidnap your neighbors.