lying in bed clapping to make the lights turn off (i do not have a clapper)

Erika Kirk seems to be doing ok

im floating in a most peculiar way

Flying on a paper airplane all the way to the paper moon

Someone said I was likeable so I immediately googled what condition that is a symptom of.

finally saw a complete unknown recently (liked it!) and it's got me listening to dylan's 60s stuff again for the first time in a very long time. found myself noodling with this iconic cut off the "another side" lp: it ain't me babe

always so funny to me when people are like “how am I supposed to explain Gay to my kids?” my kid asks me way harder shit all the time. “why did they build the road this way? why are some people bad?” I don’t know. please ask me about Gay

it's all kinda dogshit tonight, gonna go play bob dylan songs and imagine myself making it with joan baez

*tosses madlibs sheet into the fire

i fucking love this place i’ll never leave

the best time for someone to just fucking do it already was 50 years ago. the second best time is now.

A rainbow with a bucket of cum at the end

i heard the pope still has the same # as when he was a cardinal so i texted him ( . )( . ) and now i’m blocked

zamboni would be a beautiful name for a baby girl

“kid rock? isn’t that what they called epstein island?”

Note to self: Self does not want anymore notes

Can I say anything without you getting mad at me?

i should be called the quad goddess bc i can eat four eclairs in one sitting

if i had a bunny, i’d name him Bad. if i had a dog, i’d name him Snoop. if i had a cat, i’d name her Doja. if i had a snake, I’d name him White. if i had a hammer, i’d name it MC. if i had a

it’s time for marijuana to admit it had an america problem

incredibly touching moment during the TPUSA show when kid rock walked up to a five year old boy and kicked him in the back

as a child i thought the computer was a magical, wondrous device. today i think of it as a demonic creature

walmart goggins

My weekends last six minutes but holding a 60 second plank lasts three to five business days.

right wing chud: can you believe that bad bunny waved the puerto rico flag?? what a disgrace an embarrassment!! me: weren’t you supposed to be watching kid rock

heads up to the american news media: I do not care what racists thought of the super bowl halftime show

I texted my mom "was that Pedro Pascal??" and she said "he always has stars in the casita" I have no idea what that means but I fuckin love it

every commercial for ai is like “chat tell me how to read a spreadsheet”

tpusa is pronounced t-pussay

It's always interesting to see which Super Bowl team Jesus punishes.

American Idiot opening the Super Bowl is top tier fantastic.

Hes a 10 but he'll reword your joke as a comment without liking your post

america really is the main character of the world, but in the twitter way

chickpeas? i sure hope she does

idea: bigger Bugles. for adult fingers

while many of you are likely yelling “go patriots” or “go seahawks!” i’m yelling “go robert mueller and the rule of law!”

Pilot: welcome aboard Fighter pilot: [right hook]

“what, i’m gonna pay for it?”, i say to the other shoppers as i slurp chorizo from the tube like an otter pop

getting a pair of those curling shoes to make grocery shopping more efficient

full contact curling

thanks to paul and the rest of the bluesky dev team i'm sorry about all those things i called you

i think this thing i love most about the internet is how normal it is

felt cute might start a flame war with a children's puppet later

"Pardon me, stewardess. I spike Jive."

bad bunny uses a very insiders-only lingo called 'spanish' to perform some of his music, here's some select 'palabras' he was using during this

“The Puerto Rican flags symbolize Puerto Rico.”

every day i go on bsky dot app, you hurt me

what the hell is going on? tonight, we break it down for white people.

dudes rock