I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin

today was the day donald trump finally became president

so what time does Israel break this ceasefire?

the new deal is just gonna be the jcpoa but iran agrees to buy 100 trump steaks as a signing bonus

I’ve been thinking about this guy almost daily for ten fucking years. essentially my entire 30’s. when he finally croaks I imagine I’ll let out a sigh so deep it realigns my fucking spine

What being on the brink of nuclear war taught me about B2B sales

something tells me they're gonna call his bluff

i know it's not friday but i just realized my last 4 are from 4 different countries and 4 different decades and that's kinda neat or something idk the world may end tonight

I am also back after a three day break but you don't see me making a big deal about it

adopted a rock today. gonna name it dwayne.

Hold up, let me sit down in my after 7pm chair

Look, America. It's him or me. I can't do this anymore

you keep calling me a candy ass but babe i showed you i have hardly any cavities back there

it's been like 2000 years. we are due a new Easter miracle. you know what i'm talking about (It)

*werner herzog voice* one day the eggs will hunt you

I said, “I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS DEAD”

Well technically, a Nine Inch Nail is a spike

Happy Paul Newman Eating 50 Hard-boiled Eggs Day to all who celebrate!

started carrying a pair of gloves everywhere, in case I have to slap someone’s face with them

SOMEONE ORDER A STUNNER?!

insulating myself from the rise in fuel costs by running my car on Alpo

if I thumbs up your text you may as well take me out of your contacts, you’re dead to me now

In case I have any Army generals following me, it’s pronounced “hoon-ta”. Military “hoon-ta”. Don’t let your fear of pronouncing words out loud that you’ve only read in text stop you from bringing up important conversations.

there's a dating app for progressives auto replying to blue maga posts for attention lmaooooo

The hated Jesus because he spoke the truth.

i wish it hadn’t come to this but circumstances have convinced me to officially announce i will participating in a posting filibuster for the next 25 hours, breaking cory bookers record btw.

tucker carlson is the joe rogan of the left

huh posting gallows jokes on the internet isn't making me feel any better weird has anyone else experienced this sort of thing

guys I feel weird

accidentally put on my brain inside out this morning and now the tag is showing

Call me ill-informed, I was an English major, but -- what is the light source here?

fig 1. efficient-market hypothesis

if you are currently in congress I have some really bad news about your culpability in relation to what is happening rn

If you fart while peeing full stream, that’s called a Tuscaloosa Screenshot

too bad there is nothing anyone anywhere at all can do about all this

senator, on a beach with drink in hand: this madness must stop

...and a new wsj/rasmussen poll suggests that support for killing every man woman and child in the country of 92 million people fell mainly along partisan lines – but with a surprising uplift from from gen z. we'll dig into those numbers at the top of the hour but first: participation in woman's spo

reporting back re: the far side of the moon

been a lot of ‘should reply guys unionize’ talk on the timeline so let me just come right out and say i’ve already done so much for your community. i MARRIED my reply guy. those are the sorts of benefits you stand to lose when you let a union do your negotiating for you

you should call your congressperson, they've got nothing going on today and would love to catch up

gonna go find my high school civics teacher and beat the shit out of him

I'm goin' back in my cage because I was doin' just fine in my cage, actually.

this really was for me

hit with a pang of somber sadness at the notion the artemis crew may return to a fundamentally different world than the one they left

the prophecy fulfilled

what the world needs now is to watch the astronauts eat spaghetti

pretty clear bright line today, anyone in power who isn't doing everything they can to remove him from office deserves handcuffs when this is all over. that includes any democrat who votes for anything he wants

now that we have Complete and Total Regime Change over francesmeh.reviews, where different, smarter, and much firmer dicks are fucking your mom, maybe something revolutionarily wonderful can happen, like fucking two moms, or even three, WHO KNOWS?