Commenting “this is AI” on any baby announcements I see on social.

placeholder for post I just forgot

bluesky should add downvotes that dont do anything because it would be funny

imagine hating me and i'm just over here trying to shrink myself so i can live in a dollhouse

Commenting “this is AI” on any baby announcements I see on social.

If she can swallow pineapple on pizza, she can swallow anything.

my wife actually really loves when i cum with the biggest shit eating grin on my face

[stargazing] THEM: which constellation is your favorite ME: probably the piss bucket THEM: what ME: y’know, the big pisser THEM: DIPPER?? ME: it’s not for me but i don’t kink shame

Body dysmorphia is such a weird disorder. This was eight years ago, and I thought I was “fat” and I didn’t know how to appreciate myself. But looking back at this picture, I was fucking beautiful, (inside and out), but I hated myself. I no longer hate myself, I embrace all of me and she’s awesome! ♥️

I have two beta readers along the journey with me as I'm writing. Whenever I finish a chapter or 10, I send it their way and they give me their in the moment honest feedback. It's been a godsend. I started my 3rd novel last week and sent over the first 7 chapters and this was the feedback. 🥹♥️

I'd listen to the new Drake but sorta in my 80s soft rock era atm

Deftone fans be like, "No, I don't need therapy. Check out my new horsey tattoo!"

Triscuits are miniature wicker placemats for cheese.

Hold me closer, tiny goblin.

Smoking weed is basically just microdosing a lobotomy.

making a little scuba suit for my hamster so he can make friends with the fish

Maybe the global sea level is rising because Mother Earth is horny

My personal garden is officially in peak pollination season.

If only I could go back to the days when having fun ruled out over being tired . . .

Things were going poorly, but I was confident I could make it worse.

I wish I was as amazing as the accounts here that never repost anyone else. I truly admire and worship them. They really understand the concept of “social media“.

I like to celebrate summer by yelling "Real sluts eat ass" at red lights with my windows down

COSTCO: here, try this ME: oh yummy COSTCO: so you like it? ME: yes, it's delicious COSTCO: well, we don’t sell it anymore and you'll never see it again.

you bring the razzmatazz and i'll bring the rizzmajizz

My friend and I are starting a Conspiracy Theory Club are you in or are you scared of tinfoil

Now offering free sperm samples

I am a grown ass woman and still do stupid shit sometimes but not as much stupid shit as orange county housewives

I have always fucking had an alternate thought process, I fucking paid attention to society, did the thing and it got fucking worse...it just doesn't fucking work for me.

not saying menopause is making me emotional but i just teared up about a burger king commercial

i oppose all sore throats that do not arise from giving blowjobs

trimmed my bush to provide warm homes for all recently displaced local wildlife

Happy Caturday!

getting off your phone and reading a book: better than you may think

I had a dream last night that my cats understood and appreciated how hard I work to give them a good life

Wtf is it about the brown eyed ones that drives me wild?

It's the weekend, it's totally okay to not have patience for anything.

Whatever you do, don’t drop the snacks.

Stroke while the penis is hard, or whatever you inspirational people say.

Some posts are like soap bubbles floating in sunlight: insubstantial, inconsequential - but creating their own fleeting rainbows.

Hey guys life is hard but no it’s not, ok?

Be kind to yourself but also be so for real

I'm so nostalgic lately... probably bc the world's bout to end

my parents: we're so glad you're keeping busy and not just fighting with people online me: no, I still do that

When you have zero notifications that's still a notification

A polar opposite is just an opposite covered in white fur.

If I was trapped in Jurassic Park, I'd simply feed myself to the dinosaurs to show I'm on their side.

WHAT'S FUN IS THAT I AM SO SWEATY YOUR DISGUSTED LOOKS SLIDE RIGHT OFF OF ME.

My teenager is interviewing at Wendy’s and I’m just like tell them your Dad used to eat there a lot.

my boyfriend goes to a different bluesky

you’re saying it was hard to boil this egg?