Oh that was unhappiness this is depression dumbass.

i took ONE tylenol and now i’m autistic. remember kids, not even once

I’ve seen enough, we’re fucked

I’m fucking tired of taking care of everyone else while everyone else takes care of themselves.

Pregnant women: please do not inject disinfectant

making koolaid for anyone who doesn't get taken up in the rapture

Pumpkin bread made with homemade pumpkin puree in my oven right now. Who wants some?

This ain't my first Rapture.

God could do the funniest thing of all time rn.

she's got me raptured around her finger

The rave at the beginning of Blade, but instead of blood from the sprinklers, it's self-esteem

If this is your first rapture, please line up on the right hand side for an educational video. Everyone else, welcome back! Get comfy.

When I first started here I allowed anyone to reply to my posts so yes, I’ve made it through some really hard times

Silently sits in the Bluesky corner watching, but paying no attention.

Move along darling I'm not the nightmare you're looking for..

I woke this morning and it was so quiet and still that I could hear Mariah Carey starting her engines in the north pole

Every year blueberries get a little bigger. I hope I live to see blueberries the size of a plum.

I can’t wait to have granny energy.

*mutes the word rapture because I’m not getting my hopes up again*

barely legal olive oil

If you had to pick your last meal ever, what would it be?

A 20 hp boat engine equals 20 horses rowing a boat with their hooves

Nobody pushes it real good anymore and it's sad

Everyone’s angry all the time. It’s so boring.

snake is short for snack cake

*rolls over in bed onto a Wendy’s bag containing a half eaten Baconator This must be what supermodels feel like when they wake up.

Dark sarcasm keeps me alive.

Someone tell our aging celebs that we love them and they don't have to destroy their faces.

You can butter my parmesan and make my alfredo sauce if you wanna

I can’t believe I traded my soul for chicken soup.

this whole week has been like if chaos tried to keep a bunch of smaller chaoses as pets

some of u really gotta chill on thinking everyone is sub posting you. you are not that important

Lucky for me, this isn’t a comedy account.

I promise to be funny now (I can’t promise that)

Open your eyes, dude. The wizards who sell us curative potions are the same guys who debuffed us in the first place.

So tell me everything is not about me. But what if it is?

[trigger warning: discusses being alive]

you killed the moderate …now you get the extremist

technically the ocean is water proof

Got abducted by aliens, but they beamed me back to earth because I wouldn't shut up about my characters and world building lore

bluesky is so dark these days. it's starting to feel homey.

They haven’t color matched his hand makeup yet because he hasn’t needed them to reapply it. You really think he washes? No.

big fish in a small bong

Labubu sounds like a cutesy term for a lobotomy to me

I'm tired of being nice to idiots who believe anything and everything they read online

I could be a bot, you never know.

It's not just my posts. I, too, am incredibly lame.

Lesson learned. Do not reply with Taylor Swift lyrics to be silly. It’s very serious here.

You’re not allowed to be mad at me for being an asshole if you were an asshole first.

who up refluxin’ they acid