please dingleberry was my father’s name call me dingus

he thumps on my tub till I chumbawamba

the horrible truth is that no one will ever love you the way that I love popping bubble wrap

please dingleberry was my father’s name call me dingus

The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at

I just love fall. Bathing in pumpkin spice latte, eating crunchy leaves, eating sweaters knitted from the hair of my neighbors. Hard to pick a favorite really.

if you’re thinking what i’m thinking you should probably reach out to a mental health specialist

who up pluring their bus

When is The Wankening? Just before the Rapture?

I don't say "fuck" that often, but each one lasts 20 minutes.

You know what’s nice? A breeze. I’d drown a man in a bog if I thought it would get me a good gust of air. You can buy fans, of course, but it’s not the same as when mother nature blows up your skirt.

to my new followers- are you a ghost? you have to tell me if you’re a ghost, or else it’s entrapment

Me stubbing my toe was in Project 2025.

The river witch is selling some pretty great lip balm.

People say Barbie is an unrealistic role model, but what about Mr. Potato Head? I’ve never seen a guy who looks likes that

video games didn't turn me violent but they did teach me not to stand in fire

started from the bottom, now we here (a new bottom)

the first 24-48hrs are critical for finding Waldo

You could be a really reliable guide through these marshes if you put any effort into it babe and also if you learned to glow babe

if i unclench my butthole my insides might fall out, and other miscellaneous 3AM worries

My body will probably get a lot heavier when I die due to my soul weighing negative

First person to shoot fish in a barrel: I have to tell others how easy this is

You are as a beetle sitting in a dung pile, and when you look out across the cosmos, you can only imagine it's made of more dung. Just an endless infinity of dung. You must free yourself from the dung pile, friend. The universe is made of fucking light.

Country music? You mean farm emo?

i hope you see any shade of green and think of ME no matter if it is a beloved jewel or a putrid puss

we are in your walls

ME: Whatcha doin? WIFE: Watchin Dune. ME: I asked you first, Sharon.

No lies detected. We need to start taking shitposts more seriously.

novels are just really long shitposts

in norway they’re called fjorts

teeth are the toenails of the mouth

I call this lipgloss KFC Hotwings

I once accidentally introduced two Gregs to each other

Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked

Okay, hear me out: Nut November.

It's 10 days till my birthday if anyone would like to get me the will to live

INVENTOR OF THE LIBRARY: hey check this out

*going in to donate blood* just take it all

50% of rabbit foot keychains are actually rabbit hand keychains

You could survive so many horror movies by simply saying "no thank you"

it’s nice to mute you too

If you don't have a friend group, you'll always be the best shitposter

become unspeakable

what if offline is just online with more meat

most people stop listening to new music after they turn 30 but you have to make the effort to hate as many new artists as possible with what time you’ve got left

Growing up, I thought I'd be invited to be in more music videos.

BEGINS EMANATING VAST AMOUNTS OF EXTREMELY HIGH RADIATION

my buddy was raised to be so polite he’s physically incapable of belching