excuse me, barkeep, how fruited is the house punch? quite fruited you say? two pints straight away then, good sir!

Apologies, my manager failed to inform me that Genocide Enjoyer Fest 2026 was going to be full of genocide enjoyers. I will unfortunately be backing out.

excited to announce that i’ll be performing my pissing, shitting, and crying act at the Great American State Fair

I would describe my fashion sense as "covered in cat hair".

I think I’m very late to the game with art cards, but ungyghhh didn’t realize the key to making a tiny pony look even cuter is painting him on a tiny card.

[drunk uncle voice] i got something they can put his face on

stung by a bee and lost 999 HP

2016: please clap 2026: you can't boo me, I'm the vice president!!

the renegade master: *back once again with the ill behavior* the renegade master’s doctor: (exasperated) what is it now

My most popular cartoon by a long chalk is also oddly niche, in that it mostly appeals to a generation who remember the song it refers to and enjoy the nostalgia for their youth. I can draw one for you if you like. www.worldofmoose.com/collections/...

i shout into the mysterious, spacious wilderness "BACK ONCE AGAIN FOR THE RENEGADE MASTER" faintly off in the distance, a call sounds back "D4 DAMAGE WITH THE ILL BEHAVIOR" "power to the people" i say quietly to myself and move purposefully in that direction

The most elite feeling is when your blinker lines up with the beat playing in the car

captcha but instead it's for humans to prove that they subscribe to reality and facts

blanket fort insurance "sheet happens. we've got you covered."

You're driving on an empty road when you hit it. It doesn't move. Jesus Christ. Nobody saw. You compose yourself. It's just a Muppet. Nobody saw. You get home. Go to bed. Your sleep is restless. When you wake you're warm. Itchy. Your skin feels... dry? Like felt. It's time to play the music

when I forget to bring my water bottle on a walk

i simply love to flash red when my HP is below 10%

[sword swallowing class] me: (struggling to swallow sword) instructor: try turning it the long way

the thing is, a bermuda by itself? not a big deal… but throw in a dash of triangle and hoo wee you better not stick around there too long bucko

at my funeral, please remember me as a guy who died

25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week www.thepoke.com/2026/05/27/2...

Guys, if I go to all the trouble of faking my own death and you run into me in a remote seaside village years from now please try to be chill about it.

RFK Jr acts like he believes that he might be immortal but isn’t sure and so is engaging in a increasingly absurd experiments to find out.

Of course I know Wario is evil but I always pick him because I’m able to separate the kart from the kartist

(shitty phil collins) shitty sussudio!

I have a preference between stalactites and stalagmites but I will only share this information with my bride on our wedding night.

For far too long, this country has been governed by people who were either unable or simply unwilling to post brief videos of themselves being bitten multiple times by snakes that they had just picked up for some reason,

You do wonder what sort of hideous disease could be contracted by those poor snakes

THE INVISIBLE MAN, after explaining himself: have i made myself clear

neeaarrrrr faaaarrrrrrrrrr dude where’s my carrrrrrr

i don’t know much about wild animals except that: 1. you should always try and pick them up 2. their mouths/bites are extremely clean and good for you

sushi was invented when a guy accidentally got his fish wet so he put it in some rice

actually i kinda *do* think using genAI should be such a social faux pas that the user is marked as a pariah and no longer feels welcome in the community. "AI is bad" is no longer an abstract (it never was), my city has been under a boil water advisory for a week because of AI data centers

in this scenario the mailperson is an emissary of a foreign empire, given diplomatic immunity by the sovereign government but the cause of constant anger, alarms and resentment by the populace who fear territorial encroachment

just realized that i am the government for my dogs and, this is going to sound insane but, my first thought was “how can i provide them with the best life possible instead of gaslighting and being a shithead to them every day”

The ONE advantage working in an office has over remote is you're not confronted by your own face for entire meetings

I want to own the music I buy. I don't want it to be stored somewhere in the cloud, where it might be available when I want to listen to it, unless it got removed from the library randomly. I don't want to pay a subscription fee. I just want to own the music I buy.

is it the steady drumbeat of corporate enshittification by an authoritarian-coddling extraction class in a country increasingly too corrupt to function in the public interest? I bet it's that

Tuesday: Tacos Wednesday: Tacos Thursday: leftover tacos Friday: Taco Salad Saturday: Tacos

[being murdered by cows] more like (finger quotes) "moodered" ha ha [the other farm animals immediately join in, even some corn is mad]

[farmer sees cow shutting a door] what, were you born in a house

sorry to brag on the web site but i already have dinner figured out for the remainder of the week...

It’s just how bullies operate.

as part of the spacex ipo presentation they should have to read elon's tweets out loud and say how often he makes them

i heard that, when they do the ufc fight at the white house, they will also have a tilt-a-whirl ride, one of those pop the balloon with a dart games, and an elephant ear stand. and you can ride the tilt-a-whirl as many times as you want if you buy the wristband

you should be able to argue with peoples product reviews