take me to the hospital, no not that one, the one that believes in laughter

Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.

Maybe this is the thing that will End All Email.

The siren call, she finally reached me. I am making my first quilt.

Big news: I just successfully took delivery of a package without talking too loud or saying "very thanks" or inexplicably trying to shake hands with the delivery guy

Hoping that today is the day my mind and my body invite me to their group chat

B2B expert (Buddy to Buddy)

GHOST OF ME: (watching my corpse get tossed atop a huge pile of bodies) let's fuckin goooo king of the pile

excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable

drawing a line in the sand. and then another line. and then a kinda dome shape. and then the nutsack

The bad news is your soft shell is delicious

Again, if you get a little sour cream or salad dressing on your phone, that’s good for it. That’s sustenance for the phone

DONALD TRUMP: You're banned from Mar-a-Lago for being a creep. JEFFREY EPSTEIN: o. ka ,, y . m? ? ? ! by t,he way i have. You r new .' Pedofile Lisense "* u orde4red _in m.y)))))) car + DONALD TRUMP: Thank you, my dearest friend.

Here some fun bluesky labels I made This User Is/Has/etc - Thin Red Aura - Full of Hate, and Starving - Been Dead for 11 Years - Enjoys Flat Soda - Tears of Genuine Loss Heal Most Wounds - Defies God in a Cunt-Serving Fashion - Can Drink A Whole Juicebox In Just One Suck

whizzing around my magnificent library on a rolling ladder a la Belle; it’s filled with all the journals I’ve gotten but only written two pages in before forgetting about it and getting another.

everyone should stop posting northern lights photos before i kill myself

reposting the repost man for reposts

does my moon river look like piss river be honest

When you click on a video that’s like, The Secret to the Perfect Ponytail, and it’s like, “Imagine in your hands a knife. Let your conscience guide its divine path. And excise that part of yourself that even wants a ponytail.”

[hot ones] me: *finishes off gallon of milk* sean evans: ok are you ready for your first wing

today is europe's 9-11

Telling my dad about a cybertruck I saw the other day extremely rurally by my parents place and instead of replying to me he yelled to my mom: 'he saw it too.' and my mom saying 'i said i believed you'

Giant 🎃 pumpkin 🎃 gnocchi 🎃

Right about now, the honk shoo brother

This has been in my stairwell for weeks now and it makes me lol every time I pass it.

A dog that thinks it is 6:45 and her dinner has been inexcusably forgotten

How pissed would you be if you were giving a smooch to a frog and it turned into a human man. Oh I gotta deal with this guy now

not the lesson everyone will grab onto tonight but this proves soundcloud rappers are the future of electoral politics

Colorado had some wins tonight, including in my dumb county (Lauren Bobert’s district) we had a vote for the school district board of education. 4 spots up for grabs. 8 people running— 4 progressives and 4 MAGA ban books, anti-trans, dog whistlers. All 4 progressives took the win.

Snuck out to sit in my car and feel hope for a sec don’t tell the fellas.

One time me and @brenthor.bsky.social met up for dinner and we were both wearing blue flannel shirts and jeans and we laughed about it and said “nobody will notice” and then the server came to our table and said “nice outfits, boys!”

Going honk shoo mi-mi-mi-mi-mi mode

Fawaffle (falafel waffle)

don’t be mad but I’m raising money to make a short film. it’s inspired by my experience with cervical cancer/subsequent partial hysto (“Everything but the Ovaries”) and can somebody help me here: seedandspark.com/fund/girlie

Happy Halloween. One sip per child please.

I am in the office with unlimited access to email

“Locked in” reinforces the carceral mindset. You’re free to concentrate as you wish 😌

Three-way calling my pharmacist and my insurance (different issues) so that I can get all my hold music over with at once

It's 3:28 am and I'm motivated for the first time in the last few weeks. Does anyone know how to very quietly cut lumber I have some stuff I could bang out right now.

They call him the Seated Man

1) Find hill 2) Find smell 3) Use gravity to roll down both the smell and the hill 4) Add some razzle dazzle

Thanks

back from New York and I’m full of ideas, the first being “no more planes for awhile”

The Tori Amos song that speaks most to me? Probably Don’t Make Me Come to Vegas because don’t make me come to Vegas

My traitorous watch, one errand into a 10 errand kind of day: “it’s just 8 mins back to home”

File > Options > Trust Center > Trust Center Settings > Trust Ape Options > Ape Settings > Connect With Apes

Carry on my way weird son

This morning I hung one of my dresses in the bedroom window of this bright ass Airbnb I’m staying in to serve as a makeshift curtain and died a million deaths going to bed many hours later, met with a backlit silhouette of a floating dress

happiest of birthdays to the exceptionally lovely and truly brilliant @madrigal.bsky.social; go do yourself a favor and FOLLOW HER NOW and buy some art at whatmaddness.com DO IT SUPPORT WOMEN SUPPORT ARTISTS SUPPORT UNSTOPPABLE FORCES LIKE MADDIE I HAVE SPOKEN