Went to the post office today and a woman had all these Manila envelopes spread across the counter. Clearly had been there awhile. “The post office has to ship them for free,” she said in the most annoyed voice. “They’re SPIRAL BOUND CALENDARS.” Worker looks at me. I’m like idk what’s happening.

The official Bulgaria account on Instagram is doing some pretty cool stuff

at the home improvement store trying to figure out why everyone else is there at 8:15 on December 26. maybe their kitchen sink shutoff valve won’t stop leaking too. maybe they can help me

Eating the dirt as fast as God can make it

Merry Christmas from goofus and goofus

[somberly] You cannot serve both god and money [upbeat music hits] Until now. Introducing god as a service

I want a suspended baby bouncy thing (but me sized) and then also a treadmill that goes up to like 80mph so I can run how I do in my dreams

for sure and seven years ago

well, well, well, if it isn’t the deadline of the very simple thing I had 3 months to complete

first date idea: I eat a rotisserie chicken and you're in your home, eating your own rotisserie chicken

@dly.bsky.social happy birthday!!!

my bank just invited me to “*the* webinar of the year” and it’s just how to use their app

which one of you named this horse

having creative friends is perhaps my only flex. look at this leather masterpiece from @brenthor.bsky.social to hold all my paintbrushes and bully me to be better at what I’m trying to do

Pressing play on a video called Arthur Morgan Reassuring Male Horse 10 HOURS, closing my eyes, and laying naked in a snowbank until the devil comes to take me

Extending a meeting indefinitely by asking a group of engineers their opinion on a minute detail that doesnt matter in the slightest

gimme yule gimme fire don me now with gay attire

i cannot believe i caught him stretching out his toesies under the tree

imagine how lucky you’d be if you just naturally loved water and vegetables

we at Company are so thankful for your money. speaking of

banana shake

These are my casual jeans. These are my work jeans. These beauties are my sleeping jeans. These are my sex jeans. Crotchless, naturally. Here's my formal jeans. Met the mayor in these jeans. He definitely noticed too. Didnt say anything but I could tell. These ones are for gaming. Pretty stained

drew a Thanksgiving hand turkey

I'm very grateful for ads everywhere I look

A cool thing about moving is rediscovering stuff from like 18 years ago, such as a case of mix cds I made for dudes… but then I liked them (the cds) so much I just kept them

my new thing is whenever the dog does a big loud yawn i reply "everyone's saying it!"

Watching hentai on my AR glasses while my financial advisor freaks out about something.

hittin my family with some new laughs this season. going to try out a single, loud “ha!” to start

[wife wanting to discuss my mid life crisis] brent [me with my graffiti buddies] actually it’s Sprayz now

maybe i am going insane

Studio Sale! I’m packing up my studio and moving across the country, which means all art is on sale 🥳🥳🥳 It’s the perfect time to get a holiday gift for yourself or someone else (and help me clear out my pile of work!) whatmaddness.com/shop

Should I go in

If I met any of you in real life I would make myself appear so large

My bf is excitedly telling me that the reason we can't find Bigfoot is because they "simply" explode when they die.

Girl I'm gonna treat you like a steak and let you rest for 20 minutes

good morning to @ceej.online only

Do you want to view ✖️ Men ✖️ Women ✖️ Couples ✅ Tom Bombadil tomdabomb: hey guys tomdabomb: almost at goal Hornystud: boots LuvrBoi: show boots irl12inch: yellow boots NOW tomdabomb: ok singing goal reached tomdabomb: this one is called "the river-daughter" Hornystud: NO irl12inch: NO MisterCocks: NO

My dental hygienist has a son who gets *really* into things and I look forward to hearing her tell me about it every 6 months. The obsession earlier this year was 9/11. Before that, the Titanic. This time? Hunting for and washing golf balls. Equally as excited to find them as he is to wash them.

We’ve made adding things to your calendar easy! Download this file. You can’t import it to your calendar, but you can see what it would look like if you could. From there, you can open it in every app except the calendar. (I pause to give a soft, easy chuckle.) Anyway, it really is so, so simple!

I like the Smithfield Decretals rabbit illustrations of them goin ham on some humans so I embroidered my fav.

take me to the hospital, no not that one, the one that believes in laughter

Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.

Maybe this is the thing that will End All Email.

The siren call, she finally reached me. I am making my first quilt.