My favorite painter is @madrigal.bsky.social. I bought one of her pieces and it’s displayed in my kitchen. You should go to her website and shop for yourself. whatmaddness.com

keyboard that makes sounds like a crackling fire when you press on the keys

Hey bud I'm just in town by your place. mind if I pop in for a quick cry?

Doing the cool-guy reverse-nod to a bird

Oh shit oh fuck the xenomorphs have Adidas now

New Hemingway just dropped

Standing in a long line at the airport, doing the Bigfoot Walk everytime I get to go a single step forward— texting while I wait to Do It Again

Tried to water the baby asparagus but the spout was blocked so I tried to shove the blockage down into the can but the thing inside shoved back. Computer…enhance. #garden #gardening #oopsfrog

I guess it's called "corruption." I've never heard that before. I said wow what a beautiful word. It comes from the Latin [spicy voice] corrumpere. But it's something we're doing and we'll be doing it perhaps more than ever before

Pitching a solution for a problem that doesn’t yet exist. I’ll be starting on that next.

Look what I found while packing 🥲 I got the verbiage wrong, but definitely not the sentiment heh

need the rapture to wait a week so that I can have my little birthday party first

Finch Letter 532: I die and am reborn over and over. My bulbous beak made it impossible to extract tasty seeds so I died and was reborn a needle-beak loser, too fragile to crack seeds. All I can do is stuff these letters in a bottle. The previous 531 all just say “seeds” so that’s what that’s about

Need some new star stuff, or whatever. Some fresh atoms hot off some space thing. Earth atoms feelin stale.

He's turning into Ursula Le Guin

@sentimentbot.bsky.social does ending sentences in lol relay my joyful demeanor?

don't mind if I don't mind if you don't mind if I do

Labubu sounds like a cutesy term for a lobotomy to me

[to the tune of The Distance by CAKE] she's reading the discourse she's scrolling through skeets she’s all alone (all alone) all alone in her Bangers feed

Love to email reply "copy that!" like I'm talking on a little radio to reinforce how mission-focused and strategic I am.

Inviting my boss to my adult baptism so he can finally meet my uncles.

Coworker: “Fucking Teams” Me (desperately hungry and trying to rally people to go to lunch w me): “Did you just say Bucatini’s?”

(existential Borat) my life

If you were reading the history of an empire, and you got to the chapter where the obviously corrupt leaders banned their heavily armed population from criticizing them in any way, you are probably getting to the end of the book.

I don’t know when it’s going to pop for a lot of normies that they are living under an authoritarian regime, but the cancellation of popular TV shows that make fun of the administration might do it www.vulture.com/article/abc-...

Is listing your house while you still live there a pain in the butt? Is it easier to gtfo for like 30 days or is it whatever?

may I speak with the primary poster in your household?

(scrolling with my eyes closed)

my wife sprays me with a water bottle when she hears me typing above 100 wpm

Whoever had to explain Groypers to a boomer who already had a stroke is probably still in a supply closet breathing into a paper bag

uninventing nuts. bolts. plumbing. wrenches. no more

Yeah, I’m starting to like you, man, but I gotta wait to see if the oboe tune that plays when you walk around is jaunty or sinister.

ok first of all

Wearing this like an “I voted!” sticker

(calling the little dog so I can carry him down the too-tall part of the stairs) come, let us engage in our complex interspecies cooperative behavior

The obvious solution here is to crack down on right wing speech on all social media platforms until we can figure out what’s going on

If you're going to shoot me in the head, please don't engrave a bunch of goofy meme crap on the bullet casing. Don't make my family learn what a wojak is they're going through enough

H.P. Lovecraft: Your limited human mind cannot comprehend Cthulhu Me: (comprehending easily) Squid guy

So what you do is, you just scroll. With your thumb. Yeah, like that. And then your brain lives 8 very stressful lifetimes in the span of 30 minutes. I do it like 10 times a day. I’ve lost the ability to make eye contact with my loved ones.

Goofing around with the arbiter of my destiny so they’ll fuck me up a little less

i recommend stopping what you are doing and watching the single greatest Wealth Mindset thing i have ever seen

Monday: The Workman's Curse Tuesday: The Day of Bastards Wednesday: Heavy is the Burden of Sisyphus Thursday: The Second Day of Bastards Friday: Business in the Front, Party in the Back Saturday: Me Old Ham, My Good Time Charlie Sunday: Fairweather Friend

I actually go by Traveling Merchant Wolf now, “Wares Wolf” was freaking out the villagers.

hoping for a stroke...of luck!!!

Oh player, how I weap for thee

fiscally conservative (open to doing a lot of blatant financial crime)

We're going to have a big beautiful dark age, perhaps darker than ever before. And I think you'll be very happy

A salad in the fridge that I made last night? That’s lunchtime money in da bank

I really enjoyed the first three episodes of Tempest. I like what they’re doing. I’m excited to see more. Squealed when I saw the Good Boy bad boy Oh Jung-se AND my boy Auggie from Covert Affairs Chris Gorham. Big time recommend!