a guy in a DSA shirt just ordered a bahn mi and limeade at this restaurant. interesting a self identified “socialist” would do this instead of licking moss or lichens off of rocks

When I was in Sweden last summer a man asked me how Americans decide what is and isn’t good use of our taxes. What is our cultural mechanism? I answered truthfully (laugh that transitioned to a weird sad sound)

if you do this he's released from the curse and you become the librarian

librarian near me is talking a lot and not keeping his voice down. considering hitting him with the shhhh, is that crazy

r/relationships: I [26m] just caught my girlfriend [20f] lying to the IRS saying she’s ‘single’ on her tax form. Should I be concerned? Top Comment: u/FoghornLeghorn365 Boy shut the, I say, shut the fuck up

a strong indicator someone is entering a manic phase is they describe their event as "the first annual"

here are some of my favorite What's All This Then episodes now that video is available for all (if you enjoy our show please do join our Patreon, it makes the show possible) when we started the show we always knew we'd have @murderxbryan.bsky.social on to discuss Dogging youtu.be/lIifXwjA_Sk?...

rocket over the city. first thought was we were getting nuked

Letterbox is the best social media app because it’s 99% finding cool new movies from friends and 1% like a Free Willy Stan gets mad at you

[hour 76, minute 3, second 16 of my masterclass series] so when you're adding closing credits to your video, some of your top-tier patreon members will have very long names. see, this person's name is Garbageboy Stinkman Belongs in the Toilet. don't be afraid to add a second row here. fantastic name

sort of embarrassing situation for me: I’m seated at an Indian restaurant in my neighborhood and a random prostitute is banging on the window giving me the finger and yelling at me like we have beef. The staff seems disappointed in me

The 30 Rockification of real life is nearing completion

long exposure 🎞️ of the laundromat across the street. i've been too damn busy with work during the day so all my recent photography has been at night

I love finding out a coworker is weird online. by body you are someone who operates simple spreadsheets, but by mind you are the infamous hoe_rival

i have a new hobby i made up where i look at hundreds of ancient stock photo cdroms from archive .org and try to find cool shit in them. ill post more later but for now these are "tonights picks"

i’m such a jock now. i work out, eat healthy, and every night i fall asleep after reading one page in a book about a spy

The Lovely Game grassyvalley.thecomi...

I keep wondering if my haircut sucks because an old Russian lady came up to me today and was like “you are Russian?”

got a dedicated e-reader because they have cool screens and no distracting apps on them. unfortunately it turns out I wasn’t reading because I was lazy, not because I was distracted

Laughing so hard that the Harry Potter teaser is just candles flying in to spell the words “Harry Potter” like a beginner Blender tutorial. You’re relaunching one of the biggest properties in history and you’re doing amazing

well my 5.5 inch shorts are officially too short. I was wearing them in my neighborhood which has a lot of prostitution and when I was on a walk tonight a guy pulled up and said “how’s it going big boy.” I’m also worried they make my butt look big based on his phrasing!

if a man makes a big deal about not having emotions, 100% of his coworkers have seen him cry at least twice

just saw a guy on a date blow it in a really cool way. the woman brought up Epstein and he straight up was like “never heard about that” after she had to explain it

as i predicted, it’s been a great night for all the films and artists who garnered the most votes in their respective categories

Saw two nuns in the back of a driverless Waymo and for a second it felt like god was driving them

the young me assumed everyone was doing their best to make sense of things. but as I get older i’m more convinced that many people’s minds are like cartoon thought bubbles filled with angry scribbles, and that's the way they like it

friend posts something wrong: the casual unedited way this website let’s us fire off sentences is it’s only redeeming quality enemy posts something wrong: well well well, dickhead’s latest thesis is up for defense

unfortunately it isn't possible to adjust a wristwatch to account for the switch to daylight saving time. there are plenty of hucksters out there who claim it can be done, but the reality is that your watch is now defective and must be discarded in a fresh waterway such as a river or swimming pool

Kind of crazy guy in Target parking garage was yelling “fuck the CIA” and started sprinting after my car like the t-1000. Brother I am not CIA, I’m wearing a sweatshirt from the aquarium and am generally considered to be competent

Getting hit by a limo on purpose trying to sue a rich guy, but a bunch of crying high schoolers on their way to prom get out

i have decided to turn over a new financial leaf, but the weird expensive sneakers i ordered (which no one in my life will express any enthusiasm for) went missing in the mail and my money has been refunded. i reordered because i consider this purchase to have been "grandfathered" in to my new era.

if you ever play trivia with me please remember that just because I don’t know anything doesn’t mean I’m stupid 💖

I folded at poker because my friends hand was shaking (assumed he had a big hand) and then I found out he just has some medical disorder. Fucking bullshit!

"When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite." — Sergio Leone.

I was always doing the absolute most with my outfits and general vibe in college, and one time when I was walking by outside, a Spanish tutor said to his student, “For example, ella tiene pantalones interesantes.”

i was on my night walk with my big headphones on transparency mode and i heard my neighbors talking about me. the dude said "he's always walking" and his friend said "he should get a dog"

thinking about becoming one of those guys who goes to the New Beverly every single night and had an assigned seat and some kind of ugly blazer/leather jacket. regular guy life is not panning out for me

fuckin fucking bullshit life, my life fuckin sucks and (I walk into the gym bathroom and get a big waft of bodybuilder’s rancid nootropics shit) chess is the gentleman’s game, most indubitably

Falling victim to classic weird rich lady behavior: the woman at the coffee shop asked me to watch her stuff (laptop, purse, phone, car keys!) while she put change in the meter. She’s been gone almost 15 minutes

got into a full curb your enthusiasm style shouting match with an old disgruntled record store owner and I feel incredible. Apparently he gets into these all day and I still think I won

-----Original Message----- From: Jeffrey Epstein <[email protected]> To: Gmax Sent: Sat Apr 02 12:14:45 Subject: Punch monkey ,, beat up again, devastating

Have to agree with Costco here

One of the nastiest things that goes unchecked online is weird guys using the word “consent” instead of “permission.” I’m sorry someone borrowed your charger without asking, but please do not evoke the language of assault.

I think the band TOOL has a very StarCraft based worldview. They understand that while we are all Terran and our external world is becoming Protoss, our subconscious is still extremely Zerg

I was so lucky to write on Strip Law. I met the coolest people in the world working on this show, laughed so hard I felt high at least once a day, and was free to be as smart and as dumb as I could be. Cullen took every chance and ran a mile with every inch they gave him. Watch Strip Law or die!

new Strip Law clip where we thoughtfully and respectfully grapple with the legacy of one of the titans of animation that came before us

One of my favorite experiences in “the biz” was working with the muppets which meant having to hang out with the 7 or 8 extremely serious and self important “muppet brand managers” - the most unmuppet energy imaginable I truly love it