See you Saturday, Seattle.

dawg they’re live laugh loving the white house. president homegoods

Zohran has ended his victory speech by summoning and entrapping the spirit of Andrew Cuomo in a Greater Soul Gem. The translucent former governor's mouth hangs open in a pained howl as he writhes within the jewel, but makes no sound.

if democrats are serious about winning they need to learn from tonight and convert to islam

I’m about to go into the Springsteen movie. I didn’t actually want to see it. I didn’t like the trailer. But I guess if you’re a white dad, you just find yourself there at some point.

Zohran at the rally for trans youth on february 8 ❣️ he was polling single digits.

Gentlemen: thank you for your service.

lol. lmao.

Ah, off-cycle election night. Time to start obsessively following the returns for a faraway candidate I just learned about an hour ago.

can’t tell if my antidepressants aren’t working or if they just weren’t built for this. like, zoloft was introduced in the 90s it barely needed to work then. if you got sad you could just buy a house.

They’re nothing alike. For example, I was on Jeopardy! for 15 weeks, not 14.

Folks is Seattle the government cause they’re shutting Washington down tonight

SEATTLE! I’m introducing Robert Redford’s Quiz Show (1994, an amoral nerd wins on a popular game show for 14 straight weeks) for @siffnews.bsky.social a week from tomorrow. Tickets on sale now at www.siff.net/programs-and...

Wow private equity strikes again I guess 😡

BRAK O LANTERN

I know it’s not the biggest problem right now, but sometimes a Jeopardy! clue about youth culture escapes containment and then Jeopardy! has me post about it on Instagram and then people call me unc. :(

“we will rule you forever with an iron fist of suffering” is maybe not the most compelling message any administration has ever had

that’s right beg you miserable worm

I should’ve learned this by now but DO NOT use FedEx. The diseased monkeys I ordered haven’t arrived and I can’t get a straight answer on what happened to them

TIRED: I can’t go to bed, the game’s still on. WIRED: I can totally go to bed, the game will still be going in eight hours.

if you're too much of a chicken shit to even name the identity and cultural issues you want to abandon, then maybe you know this is morally wrong.

My closing pitch to voters? “I will only live in this awful place if I rule over it”

i should be able to click a button at the beginning of a sports season that says “i’m normal” and i don’t get served any ads for crypto or gambling

The Algonquin Round Table were drunks and Communists but it’s important that we in the podcast community honor them as the first podcasters. Intermittently funny, jobs that let them dick around all afternoon, no audience to speak of. 🫡

Lotus must taste good as hell, whole island of people just eating it all day.

12% of Americans will lose access to food resources when SNAP benefits expire in 8 days

The standard Icelandic musician bio is “weekend supervisor at fish processing plant / experimental synth composer / deputy foreign minister”

This month The New Yorker has profiled both Uniqlo and Costco, so that’s 90% of my wardrobe and now I’m just waiting on “Yo La Tengo concert tees”

Now that baseball is over in Seattle, I’m back to worrying about the news with about 70% of my brain at all times. The other 30% is just the “Farmer Zack” jingle from Detroiters on repeat.

If I ever got to travel back in time, my plan would be to carry around a little notebook to look at all the time, because I’ll miss my phone so much.

Nothing’s funny anymore, but “23% of Americans yearn for the White House East Wing to be demolished” is sort of funny.

Actually got a little misty at this.

Welp. That one’s gonna hurt for a while. Love love love this team, though. Bring back Naylor and let’s run this shit back.

you can tell this is a game 7 because it's the sixth inning and none of the players have left the stadium yet. even the shortstops are sticking around even though you don't really need them. this is playoff baseball

Taking care of Medicare like the Detroit mob took care of Jimmy Hoffa.

SEATTLE! And rich weirdos from other places willing to fly in! @johnroderick.bsky.social and I are doing a big live farewell OMNIBUS at @townhallseattle.bsky.social on November 8. Music! Surprises! Many goods and cheese! Tickets are going fast at townhallseattle.org/event/omnibus

I’m no Humpy but I do have an unusually powerful “Rally Time” video.

I support everyone giving vast sums of money to Andrew Cuomo. It’s the “lighting a million quid on fire” art piece but this time performed by the worst people in the world.

Too hot to hold when they come out of the toaster, completely cold 30 seconds later. That’s the English Muffin Promise.

MY JAPANESE WORK FRIENDS: hey, let’s pop in The Diskette That Makes You Crazy ME (bravely): No.

British Columbia, it’s not too late to come over to the right side of history. The Blue Jays play 2,500 miles away. They are not your home team!

It’s impossible to overstate how much “abolish ice” is the normie position now here in chicago — just countless random moms at toddler soccer on a park district field asking me where I bought my anti-ice t-shirt. average people don’t like our neighborhoods being terrorized.

Love the game result but now frantically hitting refresh on the umpire scorecard.

All your calls of the series-winning walkoff [Fox, Fox Deportes, KIRO, Radio Sol, WXYT, WDTW] (auto-transcribed & auto-translated)

Never in doubt.

At some point you just have to declare the other AL slot vacant and hold some kind of conclave, right?

Quick, someone poll the 4 things in this scary, scary agenda.

Update: Bari Weiss’s first pitch at CBS — a roundtable with Antony Blinken, Mike Pompeo, and Hillary Clinton that ended up being a virtual interview with Clinton & Condoleezza Rice — has about 150 viewers on YouTube. Added with the 24/7 CBS stream, it’s just over 1200 viewers.

Just wanted to say that I will also declare Norway as my enemy if I don’t win the Nobel Peace Prize tomorrow.