I did like that old Andy Rooney piece about zippers they ran instead.

Lol for our Christmas party I got out these little cheese label things, but apparently they haven’t been used since a 2018 Oscar party, the chalk marker has dried on, and now, despite my best magic eraser-ing, they all semi-permanently say things like “The Shape of Watermelon” and “Phantom Bread.”

For that special someone this Christmas: the Todd Field Gift Set

guy who thought of "Wicked" watching Wizard of Oz as a kid: What if the witch and the scarecrow boned

Tired of telling my enemies “Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.” I actually want the door to hit them now. Hard!

It’s the time of year when your bougie grocery store has the most fkd-up novelty cheeses imaginable. Goat cheese with gingerbread in it. Pesto gouda. Mango Wensleydale. Cheese law means nothing out there this week.

An extremely satisfying set of videos is coming in a few years.

The first episode of Pluribus is just chilling, my personal nightmare scenario (romantasy author reading)

I’m at the combination Pizza Hut and Kennedy Center.

‘Tis the season.

Frustrated Gunman Can’t Believe How Far He Has To Drive To Find Nearest Planned Parenthood Clinic https://theonion.com/frustrated-gunman-can-t-believe-how-far-he-has-to-drive-1819578452/

Tom King is great, but this would be my pitch for the Supergirl movie

From what I can tell, “The Holly and the Ivy” is a Christmas song where a guy tries to compare two trees and then names two things that are not really trees.

A trainer at the gym told me that one of his clients in tech (very Seattle story) was frantically asking him what AI might be good for at the gym. Real “We have to make this thing happen, what is it for???” vibes.

Proud to announce that I just finished Fosse/Verdon from 2019, you can now begin discussing it.

Once again failed to teach my dogs the only command I want them to know: “Be normal.”

Michael C. Rockefeller got shipwrecked in 1963, washed up on an island, and was promptly eaten by cannibals.

This is elder abuse (complimentary)

Life hack, if you don’t have blueberries for blueberry pancakes you can just use grapes

Dark, Little Golden Books.

Flashing my green light in complicated strobe patterns, to hypnotize Gatsby into doing my bidding.

The Bucked Up LA Bowl Hosted by Gronk.

The most compelling argument for this is that Sam was once a baby raised without ChatGPT, and look how he turned out.

Every new word in this sentence is worse than the last

Sorry Yale, you guys will get Montana State next year.

I call Harrison Ford “Sabrina Carpenter” (he was a carpenter and also he was in Sabrina)

Honestly such a relief when you find the one perfect gift that will work for everyone on your holiday list.

All pedantry is bad EXCEPT doing a weird involuntary shiver when you hear someone say “Christopher Reeves.”

Hakeem Jeffries Calls For Execution Of Central Park Five

Just learned there’s an actor named Aaron Poole who looks exactly like Aaron Paul. I assume everyone else already knew this years ago, but even so, I think I deserve a little time to adjust.

The real question is not "Why is Bluesky so left-coded," the real question is "Why can't the right exist in a social media environment without algorithmic assistance, where people can ignore them"

Counting Crows could put out a song about counting crows, but Smashing Pumpkins never did a song about smashing pumpkins.

i’m writing an indie b&w comic called “dirt pud” about a guy who works at the store. he is a loser and he has one friend who is also a loser. every issue is about a problem at the store and sometimes he also whines about his ex. it will be made into a movie sometime around 2002

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

In this house, we mostly celebrate Thanksgiving as the beginning of Pumpkin Pie For Breakfast Week.

I can’t believe they made a movie about Ham Net.

its so crazy that young people became less interested in movies & tv at the same time weird tech guys mostly started deciding what gets made

“Any fun plans for tomorrow?” “No, we have people coming over.”

currently Thanksgiving shopping and way out of my depth

Sure, blocking people after one dumb reply is good, but have you ever tried muting people after one boring reply?

The only good Star Wars movie is Galaxy Quest. Wait I told it wrong.

Please enjoy this list of ways that the NY Times crossword puzzle has clued the word SEXT, it's my sexy gift to you.

My moon conspiracy theory is that every astronaut who sees the Earth from space immediately says “That’s a spicy meatball!” and NASA is covering it up.

Every “this 90s video game soundtrack did NOT have to go this hard” video essay fails to note President Clinton’s pledge that by the end of the decade, America would create a video game soundtrack that “goes extremely hard”

We don’t need to reform ICE. We don’t need alternatives to ICE. We don’t need to engage in dishonest debates wondering what the U.S. would do without ICE. ICE isn’t even 23 years old. Most adults know a world without ICE. And the billions used to fund ICE can be used to meet people’s basic needs.

First guy to try just reminiscing about Fudgie the Whale with Trump for 5 minutes

Love those classic Looney Tunes? Thrill and delight as Porky Pig is flattened between two sheets of glass!