Today I watched a giant pickup (extremely clean, 5' bed, 5.5' hoodline) and a Tesla back into each other and it was the first time in a long time I felt proud of America.

It’s World Snake day! Today and today only, toxic males get in free

Most viral Twitter post of 2016: 🔵 @𝗪𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹: We think our fries are pretty good but have it your way, @BurgerKing 😉 Most viral Twitter post of 2026: 🔵 @𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘆𝘃𝗶𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴: If you own a business, like and RT if you agree to NEVER be bisexual

Nope, sorry. If you name your team "Fire" you don't get to postpone a match due to smoke. Either forfeit or you be about the life you chose.

They're imprisoning me in that million or whatever dimensional vector space that LLM's use.

I was brought to the lowest point of my life deep in the darkness of Municipal Overflow Culvert at Mile Marker 88.4. But, then, I was restored again to dignity by the healing waters of Municipal Overflow Culvert at Mile Marker 85.1.

IT GOT HEATED

I would eat a carbonated hot dog. The world has neither want of nor need for cowards.

Who do I hope wins the World Cup? No one. I hope every team loses because I'm evil and I want everyone in the world to be unhappy. I truly believe in the power of sport to immiserate

me: this game is getting pretty chippy coworker: who do you want to win me, playing with nachos: what

ai psychosis? pathetic. i go mad the old-fashioned way: by poring over the mysterious notes of my late professor, who disappeared under dubious circumstance, and retracing his steps to discover antediluvian tunnels beneath the city. the psyche trembles to behold such primigenial horrors!

king Midas but everything he touches gets chromed and it’s sick as hell. he’s not even mad. it’s super bad ass

Last night a bear uncovered the inflatable wading pool in my yard and leapt into it, fully popping and shredding it. I get it, I’d do the same thing as a summertime bear

Hotter take: If you couldn't get Lord of the Rings* fans to show up for an anime** Lord of the Rings movie I don't think they're buying tickets to Racism Bilbo's Big Day Out. *Nerd crap **Also nerd crap

For anyone here that runs DNS filters for ad blocking / privacy, the Bsky age verification domain is ip.bsky.app . Pi-Hole: block this under "Domains" on the left-hand sidebar. Source: comment in gist.github.com/mary-ext/6e2... which was linked in @violetblue.bsky.social 's latest Threat Model.

Johnny Normal Tea

*seeing a really insecure wizard* I said you’d never see this guy turn my ass into a frog with a little hat and backpack. No fucking way he could do that

What’s the fastest rally car you’ve ever driven? A rental.

"i'm from the government and i'm here to help" are not the scariest 9 words in the english language. the scariest 9 words in the english language are "i am a ghost with a big machine gun"

just saw your girl slow blinking at a stray cat

*Turning a chair backward and sitting like a youth pastor pre The Allegations* If you like the idea of Golden Girls cozy mysteries, let me tell you about a little place called Brindlewood Bay...

The correct way to resolve the angle between Takeshita and Fletcher (Takeshita's former work wife) is to tease a big angle and during a Fletcher promo have Yuka Sakazaki (Takeshita's actual wife) walk up behind him and happily beat him to death with a hammer. I LIKE Fletcher. I NEED Murder Yuka.

HECHICERO ALERT ALERT ALERT #AEWDynamite 🤼‍♂️

My pelt is not prized by hunters/trappers can we get a W in the chat?

Unsubscribing isn't enough, I want to fistfight whichever staffer they care about most.

coworker: is everything okay? me: yeah, why? coworker: because your hair is on fire me: i know

youtuber: please watch my Disturbing Internet Mysteries video me: it's not just people with mental illness is it youtuber: they are so disturbing

i lost all respect for the red baron when he started hawking frozen pizza (REALIZING HE WAS GERMAN) amerikkkans wont eat pizza unless you name it after a nazi (REALIZING IT WAS WWI) you guys know im playing a character right.. my thought's are actually quite profound...

We rolled out a new app at work and I'm going to have to sit down and do a whole ass postmortem on what is rapidly becoming a major oversight on our end: we can't assume users know their own email address.

It's horse bite season so if you've been chomped by a majestic palomino or nipped by a virile Clydesdale, I've whipped up plenty of my Horse Bite Gel. If you've been bitten by a mule, however, do not contact me because all I can offer you are my prayers which you will not receive.

I made a Garfield breeding simulator.

I'm fine with this because whenever someone asked me to run a game of Cyberpunk 2020 what they actually got was this:

burgerwyrth .... burgerwyrth.... blasphemous burgerers... ham burged fiends

get away from my colon, you bitch

The cool thing about having been on the Something Awful forums for years is that whenever one of the Ancient Names resurfaces you get the same feeling as when a werewolf lunges out of the fog in a movie.

the three true outcomes of former Something Awful posters: “pretty good at making jokes”, “one of the worst demons to ever haunt the internet”, “guy who hasn’t had a double-digit daily screen time in 15 years because he got mocked so hard he logged off forever”

you don't HAVE to eat a mango today, but I suppose many if not most of you could. #mango #mangolifestyle

Baltan wasn't there as a promotion. It escaped from the cage they keep it in and trashed the place, ate a bunch of Blu-ray sets.

The 9th century Carolingian marcher lords of Barcelona didn’t stave off waves of Viking invasions just to see their descendants capitulate like this

I heard someone was engaging in enchyridionless behavior. Couldn't be me. Aha.

Not quite the same issue but I think if you write SFF you should use regular names more often. I am four books into Malazan and I can't keep track of half the characters because they're named like Febryl and Desemblakis and Or'g Thanork. You which character I remember easily? The dude named Ben.

ME: why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food MY DOCTORS [to my family]: he's awake and speaking, but there may be some neurological damage

Comedy is when you of in the hot food, tragedy is when I of out hot eat the food