Imagine you're at a writers' retreat with the lads and you're all showing off a draft after dinner and then your mate's girlfriend goes here is the novel Frankenstein which I just wrote

When he point-n-click on my FMV til I Myst

🌟 DASHCON 3 INFO 😀 - Yes, there will be a ball pit! - The Superwholock panel has been moved from Saturday to Sunday - All attendees are forbidden from defaming the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the Saudi royal family, legal system, government, or any religion, religious figure, or religious practice

It cost $0 to repost my mspaint art 🎨

"did your wife's boyfriend buy you that switch? 🫵😂" ??? no. he bought my wife the switch and she lets me use it sometimes

this advertisement has become funnier with every single management decision

Lowering the flags on 9/11 at the Guantanamo Bay McDonald's for Charlie Kirk is the most dril tweet thing that's ever happened

Can’t you see this succotash is suffering

i'm selling a guitar on marketplace and some doorknob offered me a pixelart nft of the same guitar in trade and sent me an image of it and told me it was a 1 of 1 so i downloaded it and replied that now it was a 1 of 2 and this was the last thing he said before i blocked him

idk why the winner of a ufc fight has to talk to joe rogan they should make the loser do that

Reminder: When at the confessional, the phrase is "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned," and not "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty."

An ex of mine once defined "girlfriend" as "a creature who comes to bed wet with unguents and ointments" and I think about that a lot.

it's actually really easy not to get bullied on bluesky dot app, just have better opinions on everything

The bank app is telling me to "tap & pay like a boss😏" and "rally my crew". I am 37 years old and you are the bank. Don't talk to me this way.

gamblers ripping up their Trump or Giuliani bet slips as CNN announces Elon Musk has died from complications during a routine chest-weirdening surgery

just reminded of pricemaster. the hero we need in these end-capitalism times

New Pen Brings Fleeting Moment Of Satisfaction To Local Man https://theonion.com/new-pen-brings-fleeting-moment-of-satisfaction-to-local-1819564821/

dream of an apartment / dream of a labyrinth

Babe you gotta come pick me up from the elder god rap battle I'm getting roasted so bad rn

(bragging coyly because I know damn well it's my turn) oh my gosh guys, do you hear the bell I wonder for whom it tolls

Your odds of winning at the blackjack tables are now better than ever. We just hired a bunch of dealers from the Oklahoma public school system.

they should let GWAR make a tampon commercial

Tall twinks think they're so hot. Calm down, Slenderman.

This is the least concerning thing that’s has happened in the US in years

When a women tells me her name, I always follow up with, "Oh, like the cheese?" no matter what her name is.

Server: a little Quiche before your main sir? Me: ok, but no tongue

if god real, why tummy hurt

the grink is everywhere, for those with eyes to see

Might I suggest "Seduce Shopkeep?" Thou shalt find it requires no MP from thee, Stranger.

but are you spending your skill points in a way that aligns with Christly values?

Thinking about the obscene amounts of money Suntory could squeeze from me if they sold C.C. Lemon in the US.

Hitting the g-spot like

Lena Gundam Is this anything

Racoon: what is this stuff? Me: it’s our garbage Racoon: it’s delicious, I understand why you chase me away from it, do you eat it? Me: no we’re trying to get rid of it Racoon: ok I guess I don’t fucking understand at all then

Friend: hey check out this good night Me: *already going gently into it* Friend: haha I don’t think you’re supposed to do that

On hearing a transformer blow several blocks away, we both look up in eager anticipation of The Big One

The silver lining

Bluesky replies be like

As we all get ready for summertime trips to the cottage and leisurely hikes in the woods, please be aware that we are entering the active hunting season of the North American Smiling Owl. A carnivorous pack hunter, a gang of smiling owls can strip a full-grown elk of meat in half an hour. Stay safe!

Evergreen skeet

theres no straight pride parade bc they cant find babysitters for Brixley and Makaydyn

The government is incapable of giving us handouts, because that's OUR GODDAMN MONEY. It exists to provide services and ensure the public good.

this commercial is still airing and honestly i kinda like it

i am simply asking the press to cover the government sending masked thugs to rip people from their crying children and shipping them to a foreign concentration camp with the same ferocity they cover a trans kid playing jv tennis in sheboygan

re: lrt, if you're going to take that freak's money to make her wizard bullshit, just say you like money. stop half-stepping. stop talking about diversity of opinion. just say your career is more important to you than the safety and health of trans people.