mr potato
@tweetpotato314.bsky.social
📤 30639
📥 405
📝 2195
come waste your time with me
pinned post!
look i’m a normal guy, i like one scoop of vanilla ice cream, i sit in chairs cowgirl style, i’m just like you
about 1 year ago
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mr potato
wargen
about 1 year ago
those beautiful naked women have made a compelling argument i am going to steer this ship into the rocks
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rich traditions
1 day ago
the very idea of gavin newsom in 2028 is preposterous. he's a throwback to the time where you could put a haircut in a suit and have him mouth platitudes while the status quo grinds on. we're so far past that. we got pedophile nazis now. lol that you want to reanimate dan quayle
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𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐝’𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐮𝐦 ★☆☆☆☆ tastes like a dog’s butthole - 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘳
about 22 hours ago
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mr potato
my wife: we have to wear what we died in for eternity!? st. peter: that’s right me: [from the back end of our horse costume] what’d he say
almost 2 years ago
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Ray
1 day ago
"I think camp counselors should save drowning children instead of having sex"
add a skeleton here at some point
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when i was a child i used to wonder how people with vaginas went into the pool and didn’t fill up with water never stopping to think about how i had an asshole
2 days ago
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i am going to eat the mona lisa
2 days ago
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Nate
4 days ago
You are speaking to me as if I am a horse you own instead of a horse you are lucky to have stumbled across in a meadow.
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tired of being asked to refer a friend for products or services i love i need an option to refer an enemy for shit i hate
3 days ago
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krat
4 days ago
No son, they are not "magically delicious." The workers made them delicious. This is a slogan meant to mystify the social conditions of labor
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happy to have drafts up til now I’ve been writing ideas on my forearm was getting tired or explaining things like “sex vampire” to Betty in accounting
5 days ago
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mr potato
key
6 days ago
irreverent internet comedians rise up
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Tim Onion
6 days ago
It's not even midnight and we're already at "Deport Elmo."
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Alex Blechman
6 days ago
Every Super Bowl ad is for the door in the forest. It’s annoying. “You must walk through the door.” Yeah thanks, I know that already. I dream of the door every night
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lord pleaze i simply do not have another patriots comeback in me
6 days ago
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bad bunny already has more yards than the patriots
6 days ago
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spend about a 30 seconds a day staring into a lamp hoping to work my way up to the sun by summer
8 days ago
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help me settle a debate i think if u drive ur car backwards thru the car wash it’ll come out dirty and my wife thinks we should explore opening our relationship up
10 days ago
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mr potato
brent
10 days ago
local who can tell im a tourist: enjoy the city just don’t go to uptown after dark there’s a very specific gang up there me: I’ll be fine [10pm and the salsa boys have me cornered]
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mr potato
Ygrene
11 days ago
[wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird [me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
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can i borrow like $12 real quick
15 days ago
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ok….i’m the guy who bought the ticket. but i swear to god i thought it said wrestmelania
15 days ago
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mr potato
Erin Fogg says Free Link
21 days ago
The fuck did you just say to us
add a skeleton here at some point
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unfair that i’m not allowed to ask candidates for this job how fast they can run some things are more important to me than excel knowledge
17 days ago
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imagine being a roll of toilet paper u start ur life eating sunshine and end it on the business end of an asshole what a fall from grace
18 days ago
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let’s just turn the internet off for a bit and see where it takes us
18 days ago
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mr potato
d.ly
20 days ago
better get to sleep so I can wake up and increase shareholder value while my country actively burns down
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loading . . .
Jimi Hendrix - The Star Spangled Banner [ National Anthem ] ( Live at Woodstock 1969 )
YouTube video by Looky Lambert
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=sjzZh6-h9fM&si=62pXYWrPiQZHJY5b
19 days ago
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mr potato
Ygrene
12 months ago
i’m laughing imagining one of those car carrier trucks going all the way across the country and then when they pull the cars off it, the truck is mad like “they could drive this whole time!?”
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mr potato
donni saphire
22 days ago
I’m conducting a 30 year experiment to see what happens if you never get a good night’s sleep
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mr potato
rob
22 days ago
this is still the funniest thumbnail on youtube
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they rug pulled fartcoin and left my 401k in shambles
22 days ago
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mr potato
Viktor Winetrout
26 days ago
[after getting 8 likes on a post about Dracula having sex with Bigfoot] I love Bluesky, but this isn't sustainable
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sky
over 2 years ago
the Lord is my shepherd, He shaves my entire body to make sweaters
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imagine being a police sketch artist in like 1950 and ur hand starts cramping up cause the asshole detective just keeps shouting “enhance” at u
29 days ago
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i gave a mouse a cookie once and it was fine idk what everyone’s problem is
29 days ago
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i appreciate this guy so much
loading . . .
Tōth - Easy [Official Music Video]
YouTube video by TŌTH
https://youtu.be/JtFf-k2_39I?si=js0fOgU0xJGWfYPc
about 1 month ago
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u should be able to plug ur phone into one of those ev stations and charge it fully in like 12 seconds
about 1 month ago
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mr potato
prezoh
about 1 month ago
"bluesky is boring" then youre a fake ass poster. youre not supposed to mindlessly scroll youre supposed to post your every thought for the five people who care about u
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unfortunately we discontinued pennies which i believe he was eating to keep himself alive
about 1 month ago
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sure i’ve done things for a dopamine spike in music festival porta potties but even i am not interested in a used copy of uncle john’s bathroom reader
about 1 month ago
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TP314 Sotd
loading . . .
Ghost Towns
YouTube video by Bob Weir - Topic
https://youtu.be/kJCoHd6vBhM?si=6iMCWp2bjM6BxuLT
about 1 month ago
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thank you for walking into that palo alto music store on new year’s eve in 64 💔
about 1 month ago
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this guy always looked like a batman villain to me
about 1 month ago
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i’m sober now so this no longer applies to me but i’ve always thought they should put breathalyzers in phones with an app where u can put the numbers you don’t wanna call above certain b.a.c.s
about 1 month ago
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mr potato
d.ly
about 1 month ago
every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
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i bet the first surgeon was probably like “eww”
about 1 month ago
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if a lizard saw my wallet open and moths fly out he’d think i’m rich as hell
about 1 month ago
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mr potato
wargen
2 months ago
(living an unexamined life) yaaaaaay haha yay wheeeeee
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ok i’m putting my phone down everyone be cool til i get back
about 1 month ago
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