your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

made a thing. its monday & im doing the things.

#RecipeOfTheDay is a lasagne-ish bake consisting of a pile-up of soft tortillas with, in between them, a riotous assembly of tomato, red pepper, onion, chilli, corn and cheese – which is why, indeed, I have decided to call it Tortilla Lasagne! www.nigella.com/recipes/tort...

i only drink to cope with the fact that im not a superhero

The 7 signs of ageing seem to have doubled.

I’ve never thrown my head back while taking a couple of pills. Everything in film is a lie.

your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy.

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy:

Say what you like about their incompetence, but they show admirable skill at the long political suicide note.

Fifty two years ago today, the President of the United States told an audience of 400 journalists: “I am not a crook” On 8 August the following year, he resigned as President because he was a crook

He keeps telling me through pictures when all I need are 3 words and his arms

Did you have the Daily Mail gossip column shown to you last Wednesday? Quite quite horrible.

your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

In the moonlight we move as if puppeted by stars and I don't like it either. Let's get tangled in the dim shadows of trees for a chance to break away from the ironically oppressive energy of magical nudity

Me, literally every minute of every day:

I talked to my dad recently and he reminded of a career path I started but didn’t have the time to fully commit to like 15 years ago and I think I might look into that again

Here’s a simple recipe for muffins, using cocoa, coffee and hazelnut oil. But you can substitute a flavourless oil or any other nutty oil.

When something I have breaks, a part of me goes to immediate acceptance that it is going to be like that forever. Whelp, it was nice having a trunk I guess.

Too tired for existential dread.

Introducing Blindr, Bluesky's new dating app, which allows you to set out your specs in 300 characters.

When you have no true sense of self because you’ve had everyone around you telling you who they want you to be. THAT

Sisyphus today would have a remote control and a movie that they just want to see the ending to. They have to slowly fast forward through the whole thing, but just as they're about to get to the part they want the app crashes and they have to start over again.

This could've been written by Shakespeare. I'm not kidding. These ideas are 500+ years old (with whatever witchcraft of the time doing the work of "the internet").

Seeing otherwise brilliant people be really dumb about AI is incredibly on the nose when you think about it

My generation are the Boomers now, writing dialogue for youth characters, making them sound ancient

I've been purposely trying to forget my troubles, but then when someone asks how I am, I say "awful" and can't remember why.

it’s ok tomorrow will be different lolz

you have to be a pretty terrible fruit not to have a song named after you at this point

This word that you keep using, "consensual"... I don't think it means what you think it means

If you made it through something by the skin of your teeth, maybe you should talk to your dentist about establishing a daily oral hygiene routine.

Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison in, My Fair Lady (1964).

I’m not saying he was trying to kill me, but when I woke up from my afternoon nap, my cat was standing over me holding an axe and Hip to Be Square was playing on my phone.

The Grey Cup is on, so it's time, once again, to remember that Pierre Trudeau rolled up to Grey Cup in 1970 looking like this.

I figure in a few years I’ll be guarding a bridge and asking my riddles three…

Starting to think I'll never find two scuffed duffle bags full of $4.15M in non-sequential, worn $100 bills and be faced with what to do. Which is too bad, because I've got that scenario nailed.

Monday Mood You know the drill

I can't calm my tits because that's where I store my whimsy

Call me a weirdo, but the only thing I want to smell *like* food is food. (I'm talking to you, food-scented candles!)

Is there a belly rumblings interpreter in the house cos i'm pretty sure mine has something urgent to tell the world

My kitten stole my thong when I was folding laundry and ran through the living room with it while my son’s friends were visiting. New level of embarrassment unlocked.

Chat, am I even fuckable?

last night at a bar I learned that they improved pinball by making machines that are entirely computers and they’re much better than what we had before

Everybody makes fun of weighted blankets until they need to dump a body in a river.

🧵

Monday