Who is someone roughly your own age whose career you followed step by step in real time? I never did manage to look like Prince Naz in the first round, but I got to the second one way before him 😂

I'm not, by and large, a petty man, but I've been dreaming of this for some time now, and all I can say in my defense, is HA! UP YOUR GAPING AXEWOUND FIFA TRUMPSUCKERS

Got my name SHIHAB written from the sky x

You see a friend having a good looking pint. You think "I'll be in London tomorrow to see my dad in hospital, cheer myself up with this beautiful looking thing." you hunt it down. Look at what you got 🥴

Fuck me backwards with a rhythm stick

#MusicChallenge Name a band or artist whose album tracks are generally better than their released singles. Bowie is an obvious one (his greatest hits albums are duff, with John I'm only sodding dancing and Jean yawn genie and that's before the laughing groan). I'll go with this lot:

Going to repeat this point cos it needs to be stressed There isn't a single civilisation in history that wouldn't marvel at modern food packaging. Its design, structure, ability to contain and preserve Not one would get their head around the fact it's single use. We use once then throw it away!

Food post alert. Having lived in Barcelona 7 years we don't dine out much for Spanish food these days unless someone's visiting. So if you happen to be coming to Barcelona, bookmark denassus on Carrer de blai (the whole street, in fact, is pincho heaven) but this is on the gourmet side. 5 🌟 x

One last on the Brit-Asian nostalgia tip. These kids were actual Pak Gang badboys and terrifying in real life. Before Stock Aitken and Waterman signed them up to turn them into Kaleef and soft as shite. But this is back when they reigned terror

Fun factoid: fun-da-mental was formed by Aki Nawaz, arguably the first Pakistani punk, who used to be the drummer for the southern death cult before they became the cult

Since I'm on the British bengali rap tip, this kid was 14 when I used to knock about the scene, and was always so so much better than me (in case you wondered why he raps in Jamaican patwa, we all got our early day boost from Apache Indian). Deedar here went onto smash it! X

What's that you say? You want see more of me rapping in Joi Bangla band back when I was 19 in 91? Fine, fine! Cheesy lyrics ahoy! And yes, I was very, very stoned and no, you can't have the next three minutes of your life back x

Speaking of great lyricists @andmarwood.bsky.social mentioned Justin Sullivan... So, um, here's me in Joi Bangla band in 1991 Five points if you can name the New Model Army song I totally ripped off in this rap Ten points if you actually sit through the damn thing! #MusicChallenge #MusicTorture 😂

#MusicChallenge Without mentioning Dylan who are your top 5/10 favourite song lyricists? Mine: 10. Tom Waits 9. They Might be Giants 8. Joni Mitchell 7. Neil Young 6. MF DOOM 5. Lloyd Cole 4. Morrissey 3. Nick Cave 2. David Bowie 1. Leonard Cohen

Speaking of packaging, imagine you time travelled to the lavish, decadent court of Emperor Elagabalus. And you have a can of coke. The drink aside, they'd all be obsessed with the intricate nature of the can. How is this made, they would wonder And then you scrunch it up and throw it in the bin

Quote with a fictional band that is not Spinal Tap

Farage has got it downpat. Any sign of scandal he fucks off. People forget, then he's back with "well, will ya just take a look at them foreigners" and everyone talks about that

I work in global health and created promo material effectively hailing "end of ebola in congo (DRC)" SIX years ago US cuts to USAID/CDC stripped surveillance systems, contact tracing capacity, health workers, meaning early warning/rapid response infrastructure screwed This is not a coincidence

I really fucking resent Googling some shit that's important to me like when did Lloyd Cole release Lost Weekend and the first thing is an AI fuckstick telling me it was released by Lloyd Cole and the Commotions, actually. Fuck right off botshitcunt

For those familiar with The Boys, this is so...

Seeing as 30p Lee is back in the news, here's an old one I made in his dishonour

#MusicMusing Sugarhill Gang was famously a manufactured band and Rapper's Delight (79) written off as a novelty hit Amusing that (as far as charts were concerned) the biggest rap hits that followed were: Rapture: Blondie (81); Ant Rap: Adam and the Ants (81); Wham Rap: Wham! (82) Thank gawd for:

Shit bird photo entry @ashashman1.bsky.social #wulferhampton Parakeets amongst the pigeons x

The Caribbean water boat kills are kinda like Salem witch drowning. If they don't drown they're witches, if they do, oops. If we bomb them in the waters, they're narco terrorists. If they sonehow manage to land in America and we board their boats to find out they weren't carrying drugs, oh well...

If you see this, post a tree (or one off his)

I know I have a lot of Starmer fans as mutuals and I want you to know I respect differing views and don't set out to change your mind, insult you, just like to debate ideas... but if we ever get into a conversation, please don't be like this... 😕

I don't do #caturday because I don't have a cat but I like this poster

30 glasses of cava and I'm everyone's friend x

That Rod Stewart in the audience? First cunt is the deepest or what

As fun ways to spend a Saturday goes, you can't beat a cava distillery where everyone brings their own picnic and barcecue x

Feeling blue, in a bohemian poetic kind of way as I sit waiting for a friend to pick me up from the shittest bar in the shittest part of town. Let's hear your most heartbreaking lyrics... x

Reminds me of an old acquaintance back when tattooes became tryhard and he had a Chinese symbol that he claimed meant destiny or someshit and then an actual Chinese person asked him why he had a tattoo that read chicken gong bao...

Am I paranoid in thinking mamdani will meet an unpleasant end because he's fucking off the billionaire cabal by showing socialism actually works? I sincerely hope not, but putting this out there just so I can reskeet this just in case, to mark myself as the nistradamus of doom should it happen 😬

Trump is every James Bond villain rolled into one, only minus the wit of Ian Fleming's dialogue

These people cone from a time when you could do illegal fouls on the pitch and expect to get away with it because there weren't any cameras for the referee to look at.

Conversation with cocaine wanker, friend's balcony overlooking tibidabo Me: I could stare at that all night Him: yeah, bit pretentious Me: why? Him: it's just what people say because they think they should Me: don't you get eye porn? Him: huh? Me: you watch actual porn, right? He didn't get it

#WritersCommunity @lichenglen.bsky.social suggested I get test readers (I refuse to use AI) If any sci-fi writers or avid readers fancy going over the first 50 pages (which is what I'll submit) to see how it lands, do DM me. Happy to return the favour, natch x

Just a normal Tuesday night for a 54-year-old going to his first K-pop gig with 20,000 screaming 11-year-olds 😬

Spain has banned Eurovision this year because of Israheil. Digging this one out from last year when I was dragged to a Eurovision party...

The brazen way they're just admitting they pay servers $2.13 and someow proud of the fact is just nuts!

Lift broke down. Got stuck with old Catalan neighbour. 20 mins of hell with my bad Spanish and his hard of hearing. The excruciating exchange summed up: "De dónde eres?" "England" "Dónde?" "Inglaterra" "¿Que?" "Nacido en Bangladesh pero inglés" "¿Eh?" "Bangladesh" "¿Que?" "India" "Ah, India!" 😐

Labour won over no Reform voters with their racist policies. All Labour is doing is to stand on a much bigger platform with a much louder megaphone and cheerlead for Reform

Proof, were it needed, that right wing comedy has never been funny, but they think it's funny because they're laughing. Example: Let's make fun of foreigners by mocking the funny way they talk ha ha ha In their heads, that covers fun, funny and laughter And they have a meme to go with it...

#WritersCommunity Just wrote THE END on the sci-fi novel I've been penning all year. Now begins the long process of editing. Then the dreaded crafting of the synopsis and covering letter. Then the soul-destroying pitch to literary agents. At what point do I celebrate?

Let's face it, considered how horrifically women were treated in the Epstein circle, for Melania to be elavated to such great heights ain't just because she was good in bed...

Do you know what kind of person gets constantly dismissed as a racist? A racist.

My wife reminded me when we were dating I claimed You Are The Quarry was the best album made this century. I decided to re-evaluate this since by listening to all my fave records from this millennium to see where it stands now. Feel free to throw in yours and throw out few of mine x

Just checking. To all the centrists who called us Tory Enablers in the last couple of elections, okay with you if in the next election we call you Reform Enablers?

The most depressing part about this is... just as the Brexit "winners" woke up to find everything's gone to shit and they still live next to Mr Muhammad, Reform "winners" will wake up one day and see everything's gone even shitter and Mr Muhammad is still next door flowering his plants...

You know, when the leak is about a bottle of bourbon you got made in large batches with your name on it in giant letters and presented them to lots of people, then maybe just maybe it's not the mole in the office that's the problem...