It "sings?"

Fun fact: 88% of UK Indian restaurants owned by Bangladeshis. 100% workers there hail from Sylhet district, where I'm from. In my more anti-stereotype days, I vowed never to serve food to white people for money. Now my wife has me as caterer for her supper club. It's a success. Ah, I kinda like it x

Anyone, and this doesn't just refer to wars but sporting events or literally anything that happened in the past, who says "we" won this or that is a complete knob. You didn't win shit. It was some other people long ago and they're long dead. Stop taking credit like it had jackshit to do with you

The year is 2029. The BBC is owned & run by President Musk, who's renamed it "BBC-X" Mrs Brown's Boys is played every 4 hrs interspersed with repeats of Bernard Manning in "The Wheeltappers & Shunters Social Club" & "Til Death Us Do Part". Lee Hurst is head of comedy & Laurence Fox is head of drama.

Updating list because I forgot Denmark. And also to specify I mean sandwich bread in particular (hence no Greece and Turkey) 5. Portugal 4. France 3. Denmark 2. Still UK (chewy brown is my favourite bread ever) 1. Germany

Let's have a good old fashioned non-political fight. Here's contentious... Having lived, worked and travelled across Europe, my pick for best breads (in terms of variety, quality and longevity - eg. Spanish breads turn to rock if left): 5. Portugal 4. Italy 3. France 2. UK! 1. Germany Fight me!

Appearing to close his eyes Do some journalism and just say he fucking fell asleep... again

Today, I shall be mostly imparting wisdom via the lyrics of David Bowie. Ask me anything, and I'll unleash my inner Fat Brown Duke to help unlock your mysteries x

Mamdani is going to implement Mariah Law. All everyone will want for Christmas is you

Mamdani is going to implement Skareggae law. Everyone will have to rub-a-dub skank to Toots and the Maytals

Visiting a friend's house on the outskirts of Barcelona. Having major terrace envy 💚

Parents... have you ever seen anything like this? A 9-year-old boy's birthday party invitation comes with an Amazon gift list to pick from. Putting aside the tablet, what nine-year-old boy wants a blanket, women's pyjamas and an electric toothbrush from their friends? Is this is a thing now??

The most pathological thing my supermarket does is just as I instinctively know my dairy aisle from my meat to my breads, they go and change it all around for no discernible reason. Reminds me of the tory party reshuffling the cabinet to make things a little bit more inept...

time to update ACAB to AIAC (All ICE Are C**nts)

Serious question. I hate the term expat for the same reasons you must do, but should I now refer to myself as such? Because it's only white people who are ever seen as such so maybe I should shake things up and insist I'm now a Spajish expat? 🤔 I mean, that's the proper Brit thing to do innit 😂

An immigrant's wild journey. Grew up in Bangladesh, came to UK age 13, left taking Britishness Test to get UK passport till late 30s (lazy stoner), 12 years ago moved for work to Switzerland then France, I'm now officially a permanent Spanish resident. I'm ok with people thinking I'm a foreigner! 😂

Wait. Is Zohran Mamdani and Mr Cardamom the same person? youtu.be/iQVsVNPkPmE?...

Writing a movie screenplay As a professional failed writer, I walk the line between "am I good enough" and "I could do better", when I sit through truly diabolical scripts, I lean towards the latter. So thank you M Night Shamalayan for making me think my mum can do better than this utter shite

Just realised I spent a whole weekend without reading a single bit of news about politics. I might try that again. Aaaand it's Monday and back to "the fuck has he done now" 😑

If money didn't exist, imagine pitching the idea now. I want you to use your tools to build me a house. Instead of trading your expertise and labour with a regular supply of fish I catch, what say I instead give you some pieces of paper or wire over some numbers?

Shihab's #SundaySermon I believe (hallelujah!) God and the Devil are the same entity. Like Jeckyll and Hyde. A loved one who makes your life a living hell... then promises he'll make it all better. I know so many religious people in an abusive relationship with their God #SocialistSunday x

Oh my god oh my god the angel of drunk bastard at 6am be with me or what? Wordle 1,597 1/6* 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 @mikelincs.bsky.social @wellowdriver.bsky.social @frans199.bsky.social @teedixie.bsky.social @comradepangloss.bsky.social @antikrish.bsky.social @shihabsjoi.bsky.social @kristinaxsr.bsky.social

Bradford is nearly 1/3rd Muslim, Hindu or Sikh. Question Time picked an audience that was more than 90% White. That tells you everything.

Since my violent mugging, I've been walking round town looking like this. In my heightened state of monitoring passers by, I've noticed just how alert women on their own are. Then I realised it's probably because they're being observed by this loony freak 😅 Seriously though, I feel for you sisters🫂

You know how you love musicians and know they're great and expect them to come up with classics like life on mars and hey jude but do you still sometimes hear a track and go, like how, why and where did this come from? youtu.be/1YhR5UfaAzM?...

Update: Ugh so turns out I was punched twice, didn't notice the one on my head until it bruised up, then my fingers went numb. Just been to trauma unit turns out the jolt in my neck means my fingers have turned to metal like a fat bastard terminator. Gah

It's a fact that those who say "proud to be American/British/etc" don't actually mean "I'm proud of my country" but actively hate the people, culture and way of life. Every single one has some unicorn idea of how the country once was (it wasn't) and can be under their fascist leader (it won't be)

Prince Andrew wants us to pay for his new homes. 🎵 One for his mistress, and one for his dame, and one for the little girls who live down the lane 🎵

You know guys, I often question the point of Bluesky as much as you must do sometimes. But I know if I posted this on xitter, someone would ask "were they immigrants", on Fb my mum would freak... here, you guys just a put a blanket around me and offered me a hot cuppa. Thank you. I love this place x

Need to offload: Can't tell fam as it'll freak them. Just got jumped on my morning walk by three guys. Ran into the road screaming 'polizia'... luckily instead of getting run over ,a cab stopped. They didn't get anything but nursing a punch to the jaw. Need to be normal for school run. Talk me down!

Found a half-baked sci-fi book idea from a fair few years ago. Never wrote it, but it's kinda writing itself now in the real world. Feel free to use it for a novel if you're stuck for an idea #WritersCommunity x

Nothing more nerve-wracking than preparing Indian food for a bunch of South East Asians (seemingly every one of them in Barcelona have gathered under one roof for a Diwali party). I gotta say though, damn proud of my filo rose topped biryani x

I'm brown, immigrant and prood (only of my achievements, because it's moronic to be proud of a place where your parents had sex) Happy #SocialistSunday comrades x

Found an old photo of me from when I was trying my hand as a luvvie thespian. They whited me up!

SHIHAB SINGS SPANISH SONGS I'm not bored. You're bored x

So I taught myself in English in Bangladesh primarily through books so still pronounce some words wrong until I hear it said (awry=aw-ree/burial rhymes with muriel). Just heard podcast with melvyn Bragg say "banality of evil" pronounced bay-nality. I thought it was like banana. How you say it? 🤔

Help or hinder I mean c'mon they're the same thing cos they start with an h innit

MUSLIM Man Sings COMMIE song to WHITE grandson in the style of Ziggy Stardust SHOCKER! x

The people who didn't tell Saddam Hussein that everything he touches doesn't turn to gold are the same kind of people not telling Vulva Neck that everything he touches turns to shit

Can we say "told you so" yet?

Anyone can look cool in a long overcoat with a hood, but as I demonstrate here, only Bowie can carry off looking cool in a long overcoat with a hood worn over a snood...

You know when white people who've never known black people try to talk black? Cartel is mafia not gangsta and no one, literally no one says word "in" the street, the pathetic tray of spunkmugs

I hereby coin the phrase #peacefire Otherwise known as #PeaceMyArse or quite simply #FukkkTrump

Farage has worked out long ago, perhaps learning from fellow fash Tommy Robinson, that no matter the crime, they can simply say "stitch up" and "witch hunt" and their fans will buy the mug

Embarrassing trans ignorance confession😬 So YouTube playing vids on telly in background and I'm like Kae Tempest? Why would anyone call themselves that when there's already an established artist called Kate Tempest?? Kids: oh daddy it's the same person 😅 youtu.be/L5Vweo6SYzs?...

Given the "you hate this country" rhetoric coming from the shite-wing racists who ironically hate everything about the state of this country, post four images that signify why you love the country you call home (mine will always be England) x

Fish in batter was introduced to Britain in 16th century by Spanish and Portuguese Sephardic Jews, the pie is Egyptian, and curry is a British word. No one in the subcontinent calls it that

A song for #NoKings HE'S NOT THE KING HE'S A **KING CHUMP

My eldest has just bought a house in the burbs. The neighbour has just put this up. I'm baking some cookies and we're gonna go round there later with a batch and say hi. What could go wrong? 😅