How miserable do you have to be to become an ICE agent?

my life is a series of unfortunate appetizers

Don’t have a good night. It’s not approved.

There should be a Bluesky creators fund where accounts with 1k+ followers count get $5 to $1500 per reposts and relikes on their post so the account owner can start paying off their horrific sports gambling debt before they plan another intervention for me, like those lead to anything.

Hey, you wrote 2025 in the date column. Correction, the year is 2026 now.

I bought extra oil because I thought I was out. Turns out I already had two containers stowed away in the garage. Putting this on record: I am not a dictator, nor have I committed any crimes. Let me sleep.

A.I. not always bad.

Oil companies better be grateful that I’m about to propel their business by having my elected officials start a war with my tax dollars.

MAGA voted for this? Lol

FREEDOM FOR ALL! especially if you are a barrel of oil.

Oil.

No joke, that is the only comment on that Twitter post because replies are locked LMFAO

babies are gross not sure why anyone keeps them around

That's enough 2026 thanks

In our arrogance at having overcome the odds, like Tantalus we fed our children to the gods.

The day it happens is going to be the funniest day on the internet, and it will knock that other day, when that other thing happened, down to second place.

🔊 4'33" (Kidz Bop version)

grok disrespectful to supreme leader smh

Why were there so many fireworks yesterday night? Did someone’s spouse died?

Happy new year to all!

Can someone please spoil the Stranger Things finale for me? Did Frodo come back?

We’re upto 490 bowel movements for 2025. I need 10 more in 24 hours to break a family record.

I am so glad pretty people mate. Because us Ugos would have otherwise polluted this planet.

Spoiler alert! Stranger things finale plot leaked: Eleven defeats Vecna and then finds two of her old friends named Six and Seven and then they all look into the camera and say “Six Seven” for 2 hours on a loop.

I’m on calorie deficit diet and I’ve already maxed out my calories by 10am day before yesterday.

I heard Hades is letting Sisyphus free, but as a condition he gets to decide where he'll live. It's Boulder, Colorado by the way.

hey. so sorry i ghosted. i died last month

It’s been making me very nauseous that i’ve been bringing no value to shareholders during holidays.

I am going to keep posting as if i’m a popular comedy account. Life is too short to not pretend to be a popular comedy account.

362 days till Christmas 🥹 🎄

Australian in 2020: “Oh Naur I have-“

Libbying out is kinda fun because I keep thinking and laughing to myself that everyone in New Jersey JACKed off!

Cuomo would’ve won if Mike Pence had the courage!

Woke is back, baby!

Dominion voting system news just shattered my reality into pieces 😂 it’s so over for United States, man.

We’re in hell.

@praisecheese.bsky.social COME BACK ONLINE THIS INSTANCE!

ChatGPT and I both need a cigarette after today’s work.

I was emptying the case on this sucker and he commented on how i should look into wet wipes after going potty because my underwear is showing streaks. hurtful. never emptying suitcase on anyone.

Hulk Hogan's last unsent tweet is wild

Take your vitamins, brother! Say your prayers, brother! Oh oh ah ah it’s hot as hell down here, brother!

World where old racist people are dying off. Is that the future libtards want?

I bought the special summerslam package in which i get to meet hulk hogan. i’m so excited.

Ok Internet, going to bed now.

I have deleted all my mega viral posts on this app. It was giving me a big head. Only keeping posts with no engagement from here onwards.