$7.50 minimum wage is malthusian at this point

Tomorrow is another day, I get to write a resumé for an eight hour part time job as a cashier for a Dollar General and then I have to get my Masters degree to get the job. So that's my next eight years planned out. Hashtag blessed.

WHOA i almost spilled my alphabet soup! that couldve spelled disaster

The horrors persist but I continue to have gay sex

my day is filled with replying to student loan deferment emails with screenshots of my state disability payments while watching real housewives and asking myself how do I also find a toe of a husband who will pay for everything I could ever dream of

The struggle is real when someone replies “ok” to a text

She's leaking active ingredients, somebody get a bowl please.

The Importance of Being Earnest by me, a guy who isn’t named Ernest. That was probably the first sign we shouldn’t have trusted that guy. Oscar was sure Wilde for that one. Anyway, this is my special little padded cell. We’re neighbors! Hooray!

Stop trying to make the 2026 USA Fifa world cup happen. We don't deserve to have people travel to our country

it’s my time to shine* *pass out from exhaustion

ok but what if pizza on a monday

TONIGHT’S PLAN: Get stoned and eat McDonald’s.

[the entire world being destroyed by the dumbest clown in human history, to whom we've decided to grant the powers of an emperor for some reason] [me posting "the turkey is the pig of birds"]

It costs zero dollars to be unstable, and I love a good bargain

If you fall in love with a pillar of salt, you won't be able to go on a date to the pool.

1 like = 1 vignette I'll write about a long forgotten place lost to time itself This is a new redux version of the old thread where I'll do the same thing as last time. The only caveat is I'm posting a GoFundMe under it. If you can chip in even a dollar I would appreciate it. gofund.me/8f5b4fcb9

Making friends as an adult is easy, all you have to do is...

Capitalism is great because it makes you feel worthless when you're trying to fight for a better future because you aren't making money to live right now.

Final Fantasy 7 taught me valuable lessons 1. Corporations are bad, actually 2. This guy are sick (in other words, health insurance companies are especially bad) 3. Drink your god damn TEA (hydrating is important) 4) There ain't no getting off this train (unless you can suplex it. Oops, wrong game)

Kinda miss having to wake up at 5 in the morning on a Monday morning to go into work. One day this will pass and my normal life will come back, tomorrow is not that day.

having a hard time not being wealthy

If you’re gonna stab me in the back at least slap my ass while you’re back there

Shoutout to “huh” for being like 85% of my vocabulary

I miss when the Internet was just websites that were under construction with flaming skull gifs and like flash videos of a guy screaming at video games and stuff like that.

*opens 1 website* hey no ad blockers you selfish twat give us your email! subscribe to our newsletter?? accept our cookies! ACCEPT THEM watch this ad! now this one! AGAIN can we send you notifications 🥺 create a login! ok we know you still haven't read anything on the site yet but here's a survey

If it is good enough to line my uterus, it is good enough to line your shelves, Kevin.

blue whales always have blue balls mother nature is so cruel

Sometimes I think something is genius so I post it then you guys tell me otherwise.

I can’t believe there’s more than a dozen of you who are still awake

Now let's do a silly one - Picasso before every portrait

every time i take my sheep for a haircut, i know we’re gonna get fleeced . folks,,

Some like to say trolley problem; I prefer trolley *opportunity*

I, too, like to hold people in contempt, your honor

eye doctor: I recommend progressive lenses 45 yo white person: can I just have moderate lenses instead?

At wet t-shirt contest Participant next to me: "dude, what are you doing?" Me: *eating another wet t-shirt* "mind your fuken business, loser"

me: (capable of producing a light fog at best) you don’t want this smoke, homes

The elephant in the room is crushing my whole body but I'm still not going to address it.

Anyway, I successfully ate saucy ribs in bed like a king, so it ain’t all bad

When you slide into my DMs, you’d better bring cake.

Just remember, no one can prove you weren’t an employee of the month at RadioShack

Me: I love when people rub my back without having to ask. Stranger in line behind me: ...

Just did a reality check, would not recommend.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, except when you crush it into dust.

always the bridesmaid, never the sea hag luring sailors to a watery grave

I'll only leave you on a Lurch if you're part of the Addams family.

Communication is important, and that's why I never do it.

Due to the ongoing lockout, things are getting financially tight. I hate asking for help, but if anyone is able to chip in I’d deeply appreciate it. CashApp: cash.app/$captantagon... PayPal: www.paypal.me/KirkScott358 GoFundMe: gofund.me/6e424534d Even sharing this post helps. Solidarity forever.

Here's to another week of stagnation and suffering for no reason.

I got annoyed with myself for forgetting to do something, went to do it, realized I forgot that I had actually already done it