*crosses your blood-brain barrier as a friend*

It's nothing personal I just have to wash my long luxurious 90's hair tonight 🏆👑 Congratulations @nahyoudoit.bsky.social from @runswindows95.bsky.social

I married a weird girl.. not gonna lie, the first time she walked around the house talking to her bag of sweets, telling the red ones that they were her favourites before she ate them freaked me the fuck out 😆 But that has paled in comparison over the last 20+ years

Damn, boy. Is your name Michael? Because after sex, you always be bolton. :(

Throw Waffle House crispy hash browns at me, in the name of love

HIM: *says miss you instead of I miss you* ME: if you hate me then just say that

If the middle cinnamon roll were a person, it’d be @nahyoudoit.bsky.social

If Texas Roadhouse rolls were a person, they’d be @overlooked237.bsky.social

throw pepperoni pizza hot pockets at me, in the name of love

Happy Scorpio Season to the best birth sign. Laugh, Love, Left-eye his car.

Throw White Castles at me, in the name of love

I just want to have enough money to afford beer that requires a bottle opener

HIM: *says miss you instead of I miss you* ME: if you hate me then just say that

You ever notice the people who say “you know where to find me” are always the kind you’re not looking to seek

Ah fuck RIP Oscar-nominated 'Wild at Heart' actress Diane Ladd, Laura Dern's mother, dies at 89 www.usatoday.com/story/entert...

god forbid a girl have hobbies

Monday is just around the corner 😬 Using a GIF, pic, or vid reveal how you feel about that 🖤

Who up wishing they weren't?

me, liking posts in other people's conversations that concern me not

So cute when you won’t stop sucking her dick like that

A movie you’ve seen more than 7 times with a GIF

I'm not asking for much, just mutual worship in all that we do

A movie you’ve seen more than 7 times with a GIF

This beer tastes like I’m over it

Happy Halloween follow these people who aren’t total assholes go.bsky.app/VS6FZby

🎶i’m all out of blood, i’m so lost without you🎶 -vampires, probably

alexa, extend october another 30 days

Kiss me. I taste like bad decisions and Bagel Bites.

me, reading your posts

who up blair witch projecting

Why do four year olds know so much about dinosaurs, like lil bro you’re younger than my car loan

Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit

Happy Halloween to those who celebrate head.

cum is the color of your energy

*sees midnight strike on 10/31* 🎶it’s the most wonderful time of the yeaaaar🎶

Ultimately, each one of us must decide for ourselves what is too fast or too furious

Rationally I know some things are foolish to get upset over, but estrogenally that doesn’t matter

Kids think they’re embarrassed by our cars but they’ve never stepped into a woodgrain-paneled Dodge Caravan

You’re in his DMs. I’m in your driveway with contractor bags, duct tape, and a shovel.

Another day, another “what the fuck am I doing?”

Your apology should be as loud as your error.

this email could have been a signal chat

okay I’ll watch Fleabag again

Thicke/Boner

going back in time to stop the inventor of the internet

“I’m down for whatever,” I say, falling asleep.

I was once bitten by a hamster and bit it back do not fuck with me

It's Devil's Night and that means the Devil eats free at Olive Garden.

Maybe if I cook this steak so perfectly it will replace my father's love