Give me a song and I'll give you a kiss.

No matter what else you have in your head, I'm in there with you. Goodnight.

The wave. It just keeps happening. It will never subside.

Mind your own business, Petplan!

There's a girl in Primary Four (aged 8), and every time something remotely discriminatory towards women is said, she jumps up out of her seat and shouts, "Sexism Alert!! Sexism Alert!!" in a klaxon voice until the comment is retracted. I absolutely will never stop her.

"What's making things so difficult for you today, darling?" I ask an upset child. "Constipation," they reply. Didn't see that one coming! (And, no, I didn't suggest they work it out with a pencil).

Tuesday. Sorry for being so sexy and funny, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Kiss me on this postcard mouth, the one that whispers into the darkness, "Wish you were here."

Closing my eyes always feels like closing a door. Goodnight.

Ahead of Valentine's Day this weekend, what's on your cassette?

This is the face of someone who just wiped his skittery arse* all along my new oatmeal rug. Lucky he's so damn cute! *shitty ass

Curling was born in the 1500's in Scotland and played on frozen lochs. Just bare-legged Scots hurling stones and yelling at one another! It became known as 'The Roarin’ Game'. Every curling stone at this Winter Olympics was carved from the island of Ailsa Craig, that lies off the Scottish coast 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

I just had a message from someone to say my alt text is their favourite thing about bluesky! 😁

David Bowie, 1977, by Claude Vanheye.

Mood.

These are the stories I would tell you face to face. All my little pieces to fill the spaces of a lost lifetime.

An early memory. Little me, lost inside the living room armchair, hooked up to the hi-fi under the weight of my Dad's enormous NovaPro headphones. Eyes closed, creating a movie scene inside my head, which is where I lived. I made myself cry with my imagined, sprawling saga of unrequited love.

The minute you walk in the joint...

Have you ever pulled a fork out of your cutlery drawer and thought, "Where did this come from, that's not mine!"

I stopped at the Witch Tree, as I do every time I come here, to pay my respects to my sisters who were hung here in the 17th century. I felt two firm taps on my left shoulder and turned around, expecting someone to be there. But, nope. I was alone.

Clouds be thunderbolts of lightning today.

Flowers in my hair > Diamonds at my neck

I hope your thing was fun and your team won. If you ever fancy bowling me over, that would be super.

Used menthol shower gel on my lady parts just to feel something.

Monday. Let's bang the seasonal depression out of each other.

If you're calling the plays tonight, I'm definitely an open receiver. Goodnight.

Someone just sent me this, so, that's nice.

You gonna watch the Super Bowl or would you like to see my backfield in motion?

So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs.

Don't be fancy, just get dancy.

Brushing up on the Super Bowl so I can join in! Help appreciated.

You all should have got to meet my mum at least once. You'd have loved her, my mum.

Edward the dog's owner can't believe how "obsessed" he is with me. "He doesn't really like people," she says, "but he sees you from a mile away and runs like the wind to get to you. It's like he knows you from a previous life." "Oh, I get that a lot," I say, scratching Edward's ears.

Wish they'd let me in, so I could find out what's behind the green door...

Tiny beautiful things.

If you want me, you’ll have to come and get me.

I always hate to say goodnight, but goodnight.

Live, Laugh, Love me back.

I've only had one Valentine's card in my whole life, a huge padded affair that was filled with 2329 hand drawn kisses (I counted them during a double period of geography at school). It was drenched in a gallon of Insignia after shave. It's up in my attic with all my other memories.

The boy facetimed me from his bed, looking like death warmed up. "I'm so ill, Mum," he groaned. "How ill? Should I be worried?" "Put it this way," he said, "if Megan Fox walked in here right now, dressed in lacy underwear & offered to spend the night with me, I'd decline." Now I'm worried.

Wet curves at dusk.

If you put your hand on my lower back when we're out in a crowded area, I am for sure, one million percent, going to do that thing you like when we get home.

My sweet love hasn't died.

I write a thousand messages that I don't send.