Do you think we can ask the orcas for some help?

Psychiatric Help 5¢ The Dogtor Is: In

word vomit and chill

just scrollin on my avoidance app

Coffee, THC, and music needed to get my head straight.

This kinda sucks because I was well prepared to kick ass in a post apocalyptic hellscape in my 20s and now that I'm in my 50s I'm only suited to be a maniac warlord or reclusive enigmatic hermit who'll only help the resistance if they can convince me their motives are pure

I don't use hashtags, but if anybody wants one I still have the one I got from IKEA. It just needs to be assembled. // =

Geese are raccoon ducks

haha yeah babe i’m so spontaneous [combusts]

who ordered the sky cocaine

Them: if they wanted to, they would Me: * wants * Also me: * does not * Reality: bruh

I’d like to be able to just make jokes on this platform, but have you seen the state of this fucking country? almost seems profane

I tried a push-up once but I decided I really do like lying flat on my face more.

Looking for jokes like a gold prospector with a sieve.

cardinals are red black is a crow birdsongs are rad

soothe me, bro

If we start dating now we can hate each other by valentine’s

Doctor: how’s your diet and exercise? Me: my what?

it’s ok to not think about things for a bit it’s ok to rest your weary mind

not today low sodium soup things are already bleak enough

kids, not to get too radical here but i don’t want my govt to murder me

i’m a bsky elderly that means i post with a dirty tissue tucked under my bra strap

do what you have to do to protect yourself but don’t let them steal your softness

I think I might be done peopling. Like for good.

My what big balls you have…

Is a blanket of bacon too much to ask for

So many of our problems could have been avoided if a lot more white women swallowed

"Avoid the Noid!," I screamed into the void.

This is how windy it gets here. That is a traffic light.

I'm taking a drink every time I hear the word hemisphere this week. Should be blacked out by morning.

Fuck it, I'm saying all the names of the old ones and making up a few.

Sometimes, Rusty sits in his bed and just looks at me.

This aged poorly.

If I could go back, and do it all over again... *takes a long thoughtful drag off the cigarette I'd be a slut

A pet store that sells drug mules

I eat being ignored for breakfast. It has been very good for my skin, I love it

Variety pack of drugs, near me

Sorry for getting so much cheeto dust on your penis

They should invent a cream for the oppressive ache in my soul

Not trying to help the shower spider but not trying to drown it either

I'm not ignoring you I'm just admiring my favorite fingernail

The pimple behind my ear is whispering for me to commit heinous crimes

I'll only have an energy drink if it's been blessed by the gas station crackhead

Can't, getting on my own nerves and riding into the sunset to go explode

I can't join ICE because my daddy issues were healed by therapy.

all of the things sound good.

this will get me more blocks than my pussy posts. melted cheese is disgusting.

they say when your kid is ready, you’ll know. last night i sat my daughter down to have the talk. about juggalos.

keeping the tree up an extra month so i can pretend this month never happened.