Phone chirped about battery. Time for bedt

705. Honey from the hive

pubes are the pubes of the pubes

come onnnnnnn fuck offfffff

Wednesdays are for upsetting flatware. Just so you know

I think we ruined all the songs already, folks

Ima turn that Lazy-Boy into a Lazy-Man

I know consoles are dying but so are gamers and all future consoles need to come with a dedicated controller button to pull up a zoom so our aging eyes can read anything

I get to recycle jokes from old account. Those are the rules and I don't make the rules.

704. There's an area code I recognize

I wish I could come up with a skeet about self-deprecation, but I’m just not good enough.

Roses, fuck Violets do too You’d know this If you weren’t such a prude

sky go boom boom flash flash

i drew uni waiting for snacks

as a man i can confidently say that we all look so dumb when we mosey through a room

Ita Rita Pita

John from Akron

resistance is f- -ine, it’s fine i get it

bsky is all greg

Forget coffee! Start your day with Cat Butt

Vin Diesel: i am greg

Operator, I would like to place a long-distance call to my sense of well-being.

“…Let's have a ball, girl And take our sweet little time about it Tell everybody in the place to just get out And we'll get clean together And I'Il find me a soap box where I can shout it” 🖤🤍❤️ music.youtube.com/watch?v=KC2P...

Blueberry wanted to show you all her happy dance, but she’s shy so yall BETTER be nice!

703.

A beatboxer? Nah man - I'm an onomatopoet

Phrasing!

I drink tea with both my pinky toes out. Extra fancy

it's like grandma used to say: you gotta lock in to pop off

The battery on our CO detector got low so it was doing the chirp every couple minutes while we were at work and we came home to our dog having become The Joker

Later we popped over to the grand canyon. Just for a quick photo

702.

I'm actually hilarious if you don't get to know me

Are you a big red button? Because I want to press you so hard

Just heard "he ate his protein this morning" instead of Wheaties and that's a step too far. They're taking away our colloquialisms!

someone get this man a suit while he waits at valet

You're going to have to pry this weed from my cold dead lungs

I did. And I found out

I’m gonna teach me a lesson

One thing I didnt consider until now is if you measure safety in # of accidents it does or doesnt have Well this clip is proof why that doesnt work because really everyone else was being a defensive driver not hitting the random car in the road lol

My irises in bloom.

Life is a ball pit, but they're sweaty testicles instead of the fun kind

I could really go for some zig-a-zig ah

What your favorite spice girl says about you. In this essay I will...

I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for ladders to climb

there's a storm comin

Babe

Vanity plate I thought I saw: skin flwr