huey lewis: “ack”

this is the face of a man who does not get any bitches

It's funny that the Ghostbusters guys were, like, "Copy this song exactly," and then they copied that song exactly and then they were, like, "Ack! Don't copy that song exactly!"

twitch dot after midnight

Praise the original Star Wars trilogy all you want, but it ended with the Emperor losing it when someone picked him up. For some reason, the all-powerful Sith Lord didn't know what to do when he was slightly elevated.

It was a mistake to teach my kids to do anything.

What is man but a miserable pile of 30-50 feral hogs?

Owen Meany-ass Emperor

Welcome to the pile, David Lynch joke.

2005: I can't nap. 2025: I can't nap, but laying still and daydreaming is awesome.

[friend gets a lemming] I should get a lemming.

[every time he sees a Cybertruck] C'mon, guy.

[picks up red phone] The falcon has been determined

Without looking it up, what was The Mighty Ducks 2 about?

Trying this again. Do or don't.

You think you'd want to live in Webster's house, but you'd probably use the regular stairs a lot more than you'd think

There were these little non-fennel garlicky buttery rye crisps in Latvian bars that went great with a stout and I miss them.

Hey! Give it a burl!

why is this in my saved photos

Friendship is temporary. Mutual bonds are forever. Mutual Bonds. Don't waste your time on friends.

Nuts or balls are extremely funny. Ugly. Vulnerable. Maintained by those with nothing but a structural hold on society. Y'all gotta use that to your advantage somehow.

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

We don't want self-driving cars. We want beds that travel!

Got put on a list along with everyone else who made fun of the Yglesias wedding photo.

Are you Jaws 2, baby? Because you certainly are unnecessary.

I had a theater teacher who specialized in one day in history (who cares what day it was), believed that the first two lines of Hamlet were the most important of the play, and could be found in his car with the seat reclined when the female beach volleyball team was practicing.

Is there a chart of animals organized by how much they like humans touching them? Who's the top? Who's at the bottom? Which animal is right in the middle? Fish have to be the most freaked out by people touching them. I don't think they understand what's happening.

Sometimes your cat is, like, "I'm going to die if I don't get any crab." But then they don't get any crab and they don't die? Cat. What's up?

Purposing is about purposing and repurpose

America: Huh, wonder if that cut is gonna get worn. Oh well.

Starting to think I'll never hold a padel up at a rich person money thingy

The last half of December should be a holiday

Doing wild karaoke/chaos on the Twitch stream playing ARC Raiders. Look it up if you want. It's easy to find.

Making my own Beatles trilogy. I'm leaving out John.

I've been thinking about this sign for 6 months. a phrase I'll treasure forever. a metaphor with boundless potential

I think Hotels dot com should be run by and for all the hotels.

I don't think making lists of your enemies is healthy. But folks with a follow-up question need to be on a list.

I have a lot of wonderful memories from inside of houses

Ella Fitzgerald: I got it bad. Me: Oh no! Ella Fitzgerald: And that ain't good. Me: Yeah. I already said "oh no."

[climbing Mount Everest the whole way with this in my head] simply. having. a wonderful mountain climb. simply. having. a wonderful mountain climb. simply. having. a wonderful mountain climb. simply. having. a wonderful mountain climb. simply. having. a wonderful mountain climb.

Sending a St. Bernard around the neighborhood this winter with pickle brine in a little barrel around its neck. People will think "free booze" but get a mouth full of pickle brine. Because why are you drinking from a dog?

Seeing yourself on the Zoom call

Baro Ferret: More like Django Reinfart.

firemen are always in heat 🪓

You'd think Star Trek is focused on learning what it means to be an alien. But, folks!

Maybe he thinks he owns America?

kahlua ❤️ secretaries