they’re a ten but they have their read receipts on

I do this thing and reassure myself it’s okay when it’s not.

Text “STOP” to finally stop believin’

when you realize your posts are too mid even for yourself

why can’t i mute myself 🫩

when I bite into a york peppermint patty i get the sensation of biting into a mid candy from the grocery store checkout line

*unmutes you sees you're still a stark raving loon mutes you again*

a Blood In Blood Out tribute band called the Foo Fighters

PSA

After watching football all day, I'm probably going to wake up with a penis and aversion to washing my hands.

✍️ in 2026, Los shall be harassed about peppermint patties

it’s basically like seeing russia from my house

what cool and helpful things are we getting Dads for Christmas this year?

see a fox post a fox @gregthemiller.bsky.social

In the process of making cookies, I asked my 7yr old to add the butter. 7: do I have to take the wrapper off?

My kids made topless and bottomless cookies for their teachers for the holidays. And by this I mean my daughter refused to put on pants and my son refused to put on a shirt for this task.

I hope you got a big hug without asking for it today, but if you didn’t here’s one 🫂

unlike her cousin bari slav (baby don’t hurt me…)

from now i’ll just assume everything is about boobs

still have no idea what the offspring wants to keep separated

i wish a motherfucker would (have a lovely day)

The bells are jingling and my titties are tingling

Oh no, I forgot to send out Christmas cards for the 41st year in a row

Oh no, I forgot to send out Christmas cards for the 40th year in a row

Old man

bari weiss sounds like a beer you order a friend as a prank

hellooooo i’m been trying to distribute this cat to you for a month

2026 will be the year the cat distribution system gets to me I have faith

im a box and yo. yo im smaller than a taco. yo. (some boxes are too stupid to wrap)

bsky in a grinchy mood

Christmas carolers that only do Bloodhound Gang songs

eating spaghetti on da beach

What is your childhood trauma?! (flirting)

it’s about all of us 🥰

I'd like to know also. Where is he, we need answers @gregthemiller.bsky.social

my kid’s shoe size currently varies, by brand, between six and seven and it’s like christmas came early

All of you are so smart and funny and hot

Bullies from the 80s would be amazed that nowadays you can just Door Dash someone a knuckle sandwich.

falling in love with me is a mistake fall into a vat of noodles with me instead

Grandma got run over by a reindeer but you should see the reindeer

the sluttiest thing a dog can do is not fix their flipped up ear

Always dance like free will isn't an illusion.

Inside of you there are two wolves. Maybe even three. What I'm saying is, you're fat

I’ve only ever been a social drinker which means I’ve been completely sober for eight years nineteen days.

Alexa which toxic male influencer is getting the shit kicked out of him today

*sad me: you: bit Me: You: Me: You: Me: Me: Me: Me: Me: Me: Me:

I imported my contacts for blocking purposes only.

undressing my salad before i eat it

Inventing a breathalyzer for all my messaging apps

Everyone deserves love. Even you, Jeff, you asshat.