It may be cold outside, but it's nice and warm in the oven

Wake up and pay attention to me

I taught them everything they know 🩵❤️

Fact: Chocolate does not have calories when you have cramps

One day I'll stop being sleepy

OMG Julie get over yourself girl

MEGA STUF

The man from the trivago commercial isn't real. He can't hurt me.

Fuck

What's up with cats?

My uncle sent "happy new year" to the family group text at 8:46pm

Happy birthday, time!

Sick sunset, bro

Farewell, moon! I will miss you come 2026

In 2026, no more moon

Cum wall

Please leave me to eat my ball of frangipane in peace

Not to brag, but I'm pretty sure Julie is obsessed with me

My sister used the word "bigly" unironically today

Taking my meds with oreos for my health

My new years resolution is to be extra

My favorite episode of Buffy is the one with the cum wall

Goats are like cats, but goats

Went to the place where the notes all bend and reach above the trees and caught you a melody

My new years resolution is to be less

Reverse reverse psychology can save a life if you use psychology once correctly 🏆👑 Congratulations @ama-thyst.bsky.social from @hatesnicethings.bsky.social

might stand at my doorway and invite in all my neighbors on their walk with hopes one is a vampire

I'm out of coke zero and so I hate you all again

Is it too early for Christmas music?

I know what you're thinking but let me tell you, from experience, DON'T do that

The women in my family have a shared jean jacket (it's my jean jacket)

It's important to me that you are able to benchpress my flailing body

The LU on my meds stands for "luv u"

My spirit animal is a partially-consumed Christmas cookie that's fallen on the floor

My birthstone is ruby. Y'all have some weird ones lol

First date idea: I feed your body to the desert

People who notice cool birds are better lovers everybody knows that

Slayer blood has got to be like, woah

I love when cats

Why do they make silica packets so delicious if I'm not supposed to eat them?

Farewell 2025, thanks for all the naps

babe you dont understand. if i dont hold your hand when were at the store ill get lost and die

One of those days 🌈

I'm scared to bite my own tongue, can someone do it for me?

Q: How does a fish live in a fruit? A: It dies! My niece wrote that when she was 6-years-old. What's your excuse?

Happy Friday

I keep seeing two comments on my posts but when I check there is only one. Is this a glitch or am I being stalked by that ghost again?

I really want to nap but I can't get comfortable for some reason

I like how my cat only wants to be pet in a very specific way, yet she refuses to tell me what that way is

Can you tell by looking at me that I sleep on a haunted hospital bed?