Sometimes, when I get a notification from a non-follower that says "[Bluesky handle] liked your post", I quietly say out loud to myself "yeah [Bluesky handle] you liked that didn't you?"

It doesn't matter if it's preschool or high school, I will apparently never stop uttering the phrase, "You need to wear clothes in school"

Two for one. Sister (right) and I (left).

I forgot what I was going to say: A memoir

Student: Can I tell you something sad? Me: Of course, sweetheart. You can tell me anything Student: One time my mom bought cupcakes for my dad's birthday, and the frosting was NOT good Me: Oh ... Yeah, that's heartbreaking

Sometimes I think the only thing missing from my life, the thing that would make my world complete, is a baby ... chicken

My cat is sleeping on me, so I guess I can't go to work today

In my mom's defense, she did NOT take tylenol while pregnant with me. She just did coke, like a good mother

Emergency action ensures continued public access to COVID-19 vaccines for residents aged 3 and older, despite new federal limitations.

Husband: How can you have such a bad memory yet know all the lyrics to every song you've ever heard? Me: idk babe, too much tylenol?

Imagine hating me and I'm just a girl with toothpaste stains on all her shirts

Anyone else get consumed by an inexplicable and overwhelming sense of doom every Monday morning? I wonder what that's all about

The word for today is: empty

To all who celebrate!!! Do you remember??? 🎶🎶 Earth Wind and Fire #September

Spooky Birdie 👻 🎃 #caturday

These drugs can't kill me because I'm already dead

Not book smart, not street smart, but a secret third kind of smart (not)

Remain ageless by having both fine lines and acne. Follow me for more beauty tips

Eating this while sitting on the couch because I'm a fucking rebel

I just woke up and fuck me I can not wait to go to bed tonight

introverted irl so extremely annoying online

Sometimes I'll be feeling okay and then I'll randomly remember that time my cat caught a bird, brought it inside, disemboweled it, and ate it's stomach contents. Then I feel less okay

I called my 9-year-old cousin's obsidian shards "badass" and he's taken that as his cue to call *everything* badass

I have been gainfully employed I have been unemployed Of the two, I would definitely recommend just not being born

Shout out to that semi-annoying co-worker who's always sharing their snacks with me. Please stop talking to me but also keep feeding me, please. Thanks. Love you. Please shut up.

I mean ...

Birdie is so weird 🧡 #caturday

Being away from loved ones is hard. But you know what they say, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. Or whatever

I made a joke in therapy about being in a good mood because I'm on cocaine and my therapist hit me with, "well you can't afford that." Fucking burn, god damn

The blood clots that came out of my student's nose today were otherworldly. Side note, please keep your kids home from school when they're sick. Thanks. Love you.

The range of emotions I feel while watching my niece's high school volleyball games is irrational, unreasonable, and I hate it

<Showing my 9-year-old cousin pictures of ammonites> 9: That's crazy! That looks like an old man and an elephant combined! Me: I don't understand what that means 9: Me neither!

A boss once told me that I am very "even-keeled" and I was like, thanks it's because I'm dead inside

Cure society, not autism. 💜

I was walking across campus once and this woman parked on the side of the street gave me candy This was 3 weeks ago I don't know how I've survived this long

You can just order fries and an ice cream sandwich. It's not illegal and the cops can't stop you

I love the Hilo airport

I'm going to an applied behavior analysis conference and my husband asked if it will showcase the latest coming out of the field "of psychology" and I just ... don't know ... where I ... went wrong ... with him ...

Livin' that eczema life, baby

Every other post is just "orgasms"

My husband should have a bsky where he gives out tips on how to manage a lunatic wife

When the meds say to take "with a meal" they mean cookies and coffee, right?

When the adhd starts acting up so you have a 7pm cup of coffee to calm down

Maintaining eye contact while doing kegels

Hunter and Mouse 🧡🩶 #caturday

Fun is a gateway drug to death

ok ill bite whos taylor swift

Student: Your wrestling name is Miriam Gilbert. Me: I love it! Student: Your finisher move is the Gil-drop. Me: Amazing! Student: You have a rapper gimmick. Me: ... Neat.