Hunkering down into the mutuals tab for the remaining winter. It's nice and cozy here.

shoveling a path to my neighbor's car and keying it

These tits have never been calm. Nary a pill has chilled me. Not a single horse has ever been held

Listening to my teen angst playlist to try to get a case of the crazies outta me

Waking up like hello who am I, what day is it, is this still planet earth?!

sorry i reposted you at 3:51am 😬

This is totally moving my soul right now

Hey if one of you has so and so's number can you please tell them to call me thanks

New cryptid dropped. Let's be careful out there

Fuck you and the psychotropically balanced horse your therapist sent you in on.

You've got first place on my search tab

this sub has lost its way

1 like of your selfie = 3 years of you living rent free in my head

Take note everyone

You must gift the bridge troll a beverage that is 1% juice to pass

I must alert the farmer we are out of bodies for the hogs

Getting drunk at the family dinner and screaming the true meaning of Christmas is the power of Pine-Sol baby

Practicing my flirting on the dead roach in my basement that's belly up in a puddle

Who says you can't look good replacing a busted hot water tank on Christmas night. Merry 🤬 Christmas 🫩

Almost forgot the best one

Merry Christmas from my little furry friends

I command the spiders now. I am in control. Merry Christmas! It'll be your last 🎄✨️❤️💚

🥹🥹🥹 Merry Pigmas to all

My favorite Christmas photo. Last year, I set up the squirrel picnic table with a mini tree and a squirrel ornament and waited for my fave squirrel, Orejas, to come by for a photo. And she showed up to create my favourite picture ever ❤️

Tinnitus that sounds like the low battery smoke detector

Merry Christmas 🎄

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, now understands the curse of immortality and begs for death

Tonight you will be ghosted three times

Your favorite vampire on a midnight stroll, cursed to roam the earth and all that

If you feel like crying, call my sewer district. No this is not a shitpost, although they do those on the regular.

Got a tiny little one on my keychain, a beefy one in my car, and a fancy 1800s looking dagger for the holidays 😂🤓

This was good! Rating: three candy canes out of four - two driven straight into the eyes, and the other deep in the carotid artery

Found your Christmas present

Barry, Dadindon and all the piggies are joining Pigmum and me to wish everyone a wonderful pigmas !! 🫶🎄🐹 They sneaked among the decorations to steal a veggie or two one the table 🤫🤫🤫

Legit some of you are insanely cool people and you don't even know it

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, was present at the end of the universe, having witnessed every black hole evaporate and every proton decay. Even so, Death would not come.

On my walk I got lost in thought. I saw you all at a party with me. It got dark, but warm were our hearts, drinking and cheering happily. I played the accordion, italian songs, we danced on and on, then it was gone- snapping back to reality I'd walked but a mile, but wearing the warmth of a smile

Your favorite vampire on a midnight stroll, cursed to roam the earth and all that

Ho ho hold me bro

Smoking Bishop (mulled wine with roasted oranges, grapefruit, sugar and spice) marinating

On this most holy day of festivus you all have an open invitation to air your grievances against me

He was despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.

Not now, haunted Victorian shoes

Went to Walmart and it’s like Thunderdome in there… I swore I saw a guy with mohawk riding around with a spear

“I asked grok” “i asked ChatGPT” yeah well i asked charlie kirk on my ouija board and it just said the n word five times

The Steel Mill Star in Cleveland, Ohio

I fell in love with the cat at the witch shop

🎶that's the jingle bell glooooock🎶

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.