Went to a Cabela's for the first time in 10 years. This place exists exclusively to price gouge rednecks, right?

See a woman in an Eagles cap. Say Go Birds as is tradition. She says it back! We talk about paddle boarding then asks me where I watch Eagles games. She tells me about a bar that always has them on. I love us. Birds logo functions like the red cross for me 🤣

Set my signal icon to look like water because splash splash. Now I keep clicking on it to check water conditions. But none of my contacts have tides & currents as their special interest. Life is pain.

Feelin' cute, might commit war crimes later idk

Its been overcast, windy, smokey, rainy, & cold since my paddle board arrived. Maybe the universe doesn't want me to go outside. Maybe the universe made me so that it can experience itself playing video games.

its midnight you're high af you're watching this you've lost control of your life

If Trump dies from the wild fire smoke, Canada should get the dub for that.

Being the first born of a heroin addict that had at least 8 kids is trippy af. I've witnessed her start & abandon multiple families. Talking to my younger siblings is wild because its like they missed the first 2/3rds of the Lord of the Rings but that last 3rd is their favorite movie of all time.

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is a gateway drug to designer fashion.

The revolution will be planned on AIM.

What if god is real but only grants the prayers of pedophiles & domestic abusers? ICE has to be a dream come true for guys like this.

After seeing this list, I regret not announcing my own run for senate.

Saw a singular post about creatine giving a woman more stamina a day or 2 ago & have been thinking about trying ever since. Never doubt your skeet's ability to change someone's life.

Work from home is the most freeing, empowering, & life affirming experience I've had as a worker. Work health insurance is the worst health insurance on earth. Vacation days are an illusion. Osha is only real half the time. Wfh? An extra 1-2 hours of my life back every day.

The military to cop to ice pipeline needs to be studied. Domestic abuser EGOT has to be killing someone at each stop of the pipeline before offing yourself to finish it out.

Domestic abuse rates across the country would drop double digits if ICE was arrested.

I don't know a word of french. But I want this to be my theme music. Driver's licenses should have designated theme music. Every time someone scans your license, a few notes of your theme play.

What are some unhinged, widow's bay-esque, sailing superstitions? A paddleboard is legally a vessel. This makes me a captain. So I absolutely need to get realllllyy weird about it.

[suzanne vega voice] 🎵 i am opening the sex shop,

At night, a mass migration happens where creatures from the deep ocean swim upwards to eat. As someone who eats dinner at either 9 or 10, I feel that.

I am totally and completely against eliminating daylight savings time. I don’t care how many people have to die.

Saw something shiny in the sand. "Oh, I bet its a pretty shell. Let's uncover it."

The floor is lava prepared me for this.

This is the ideal sound of summer. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance sounds like.

government mandated hrt, just like we were warned about

My stand up paddle board is out for delivery!!!!!!

The US conducted over 1,000 nuclear bomb tests. Russia has performed over 700. Both tested bombs way more powerful than Hiroshima & Nagasaki. I've always wondered how much that impacted the planet.

"Sovereign citizens of Catholicism" Pitching this as a comedy movie to the Vatican. One of the main characters will be a terminally online recent convert that doesn't get excommunicated like all his friends. So he pretends to be. Pope Leo will fund it.

The lyrics of It's Raining Men describe a Kill Bill-esque scenario where mother nature fights angels. The Weather Girls function as a Greek chorus.

Jennifer Lopez in couple's therapy: "You need to help us, doctor. He's ballin' out of control."

I'm proud of my ability to handle angry people at work. Being able to bring them down to a productive level. Hearing them say thank you at the end. That thank you always hits because people who get angry know what its like to get the door slammed on them.

Accents are dying. Local folklore & superstitions are fading. You can buy the same food in California as you can in New York. Philadelphia sports culture persists against the forces of homogenization. Our boos are a language that won't be snuffed out.

I’m in October booing form in July

I better wake up to a video of Jordan Walker's dad climbing a pole after endless free beers from Phillies fans

Lmao

Happy Birthday Patrick Stewart!

Water has always been where the map ends. Death. Realizing now that if I see an island, I can paddle to it is jarring. When I see water I start asking myself questions. Can I go there? Am I allowed to go there? Is there a reason to go there? Is it safe? Would I want to go there?

Queen shit

Widow's Bay is the best show of 2026

Odysseus traveling to the Americas is my new fav alt history theory because it aligns w/ my belief that people in the past did more cool stuff than we think. Some Mycenaeans made it to Newfoundland & we're like, "damn its foggy." It got referenced in stories until people forgot the reference.

Maybe they finally got away from all the nonsense & used the millions from kick backs to settle down in Thailand.

Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell in hell trying to get the attention of Ronald Reagan

Guy that laughs like Mandark when he busts on your face

Smoking a blunt on the front porch while listening to the O'Jays after swimming in the ocean is the good life. I ain't doin as bad as I feel.

Haven't rolled a blunt in 2 years. First attempt I roll a slow burning 20 minute solo blunt. I still got it. Green Games for life

Hot take: the beach isn't the place for prolonged foreplay. Looking over to make sure people are watching you w/ bright red faces & smiles tells me you know that.

Thinking about how god told his followers to commit genocide twice in the bible. The Amalekites & Canaanites.

Humidity pride. When someone visits the east coast & complains about our humidity, it fills me w/ pride. It makes me want to throw a cup of water into the air to give the humidity a little treat.