okay so i said “i need a philadelphian zohran more than i need oxygen” and now the air tastes like cigarettes. good things incoming, perhaps?

unfortunately for all of you who post selfies im genuinely so much more interested in wherever the photo is set than whoever’s in it like yeah cool girl great tits stellar cock but i see a bookshelf in the background so now i gotta zoom in and see what’s on there

[transphobe yoda voice] just asking questions, i am. very important to me, fairness in women’s swimming always has been. know this, you would, if you would accept my friend request

i deeply dislike letterboxd because i feel that it encourages the compression of opinions into one-to-two-sentence zingers for a review you find funny, a format i don’t inherently dislike, but certainly do as the apparent (from my perspective) norm

learned today that platypuses hunt in water using special like receptor cells in their bills to sense the electrical fields generated by the muscle movements of living organisms and use this to gauge an organism’s distance and size when hunting. it’s called “electroreception.” what the fuck, man.

computer, find me that video of the trans girl moaning while somehow jerking herself off with her own feet, the one where you can very faintly hear two people having a massive shouting argument outside whatever room she’s in. thanks, computer, that’s perfect.

does anyone actually find themselves kept awake at night by their actions or thoughts. like nothing i’ve ever done or thought of has ever actually prevented me from sleeping

Crazy that those hate psychosis accounts that exist almost exclusively as one person’s mental breakdown directed toward a private citizen with a modest internet following pretty much excessively direct their ire towards trans women and rape victims

Every time someone calls Hegseth's testosterone program or Elon's hair plugs "gender affirming care," I wince. Speaking only for myself, and I know the jokes are well-intentioned: I wish we'd retire this one. New from me on why. www.readtpa.com/p/theres-no-...

we need to get the troops on the cumstack they should be shooting a warrior’s load

-sauron is actively searching for this thing and two massive eagles flying directly towards him would be p obvious and he would just shoot them down and take the ring -the ring is SENTIENT and WANTS to be returned to sauron and further WANTS you to try the dumbest easiest plan SO this can happen

you all know there are like actual canonical reasons they didn’t just have the eagles fly the ring to mordor right.

if you want things to get better, stop looking to the people above you and start looking to the people next to you

sorry to star wars post but i’ve never understood why people are like, why don’t they just do the thing laura dern does in the last jedi all the time and win space battles instantly because to me the obvious answer has always been well because it’s suicide to ram your ship into another at lightspeed

i get dressed like any other girl [snapping my fingers] plastic man! here boy! plaaaas!

i like saying “my legs are different colors” because it sounds insane but it’s just true

i swear to god, like a year ago, i saw this image on here where someone edited the famous newsweek magazine cover about bisexuality onto the x files. but i cannot find it AT ALL. so i just remade it from memory

oomf has the same birthday as me and you best believe i got a “happy birthday!” sitting typed in the dms for the day in question

i get to be very annoying about this bc it's my birthday. the real one! please help me get a pussy 🎈🎈🎈

i should call ʜ̸͙̥̊ᴇ̵͙̣͓͈̌ʀ̷̩͌

I’m a misandrist, I’m a misogynist, I’m illiterate, I’m sephiroth monologue coded, I’m a transbian, I’m a passoid, I’m anti shipping, I’m pro shipping, I’m a terf, I’m a troon, what am I?

whats your favorite richard brautigan poem about his penis. mine is the one where its smiling 8====:)

(documentary talking heads) MARC MARON: you gotta understand, he put out FULL BLAST positivity CONSTANTLY — so naturally i could never stand him ha ha — but it blinded a lot of industry people KEVIN JAMES: his positivity was magnetic SILHOUETTE (clearly Baby Bop): Barney was.. a master manipulator

going slapstick in the pussy

waking up from pussy surgery like

The breasts next.

lady 3jane marie-france tessier-ashpool would like to have a word

renowned snuffbait princess lady 3jane marie-france tessier-ashpool

Whenever I post about the things I’m in to:

funny that his viewers do but his mother doesn’t

People are missing out on YOU not the other way around

sometimes i see dumb posts and write out completely honest and downright Vitriolic replies and then delete them before posting and keep scrolling

my ex was a few inches taller than me and the inches were, firstly, well, lol, second, her femurs were like two, three inches longer than mine, which i liked because it meant my hips, breasts, face, were all lower than hers and when she’d lean in to kiss me i just felt.,.enveloped

fresh out the shower

Still does.

🥱👈 #funnybunny #jaxxpomni

33% chance that thing’s named「time out of mind」33% chance it’s「preacher’s daughter」33% chance it’s「blank space」

the voices tell me, you need to get pet. the voices used to be quieter but then they stopped being that

im imagining a lady. with a great big rear end

help wish @pussy.farm a happy tranniversary by helping her get a pussy (farm..?) !!!!!

A Tinder just for buff chicks? You have my attention

“when they dig up your bones they’ll know you were a Man” oh yeah? they’ll ignore all other points of context and just go for the bones? my exact time and date of birth are on record, as surely as they’ll record my death and where im buried and my name, but they’ll go right for the bones? weirdo

Transition already, even if you feel like it’s too late. You might not have lived during your teens and 20s, but you can start living now.

i fucking Love this cover because they all look like they’re from something else just edited into it. she looks like a star trek cast member from a promotional thing. the middle dude looks like a fallout 2 character. right-hand guy looks like you slapped a cheap fake beard on abed from community

i don’t talk abt it much but brian herbert’s existence as a published writer just kinda makes me unspeakably angry. just an entire career of middling fanfiction of your dad’s books. and he’s sitting on the @/duneauthor handle! no bro! you aren’t! that’s your fuckin dad!

i like the bird that sees it fucking moving and just starts shakin his head back and forth. like yeah man if a pile of shit did that near me i wouldn’t really have a better reaction

This joke is hilarious, but it reminded me of something I hate about Louis’ comeback…they weren’t “Allegations.” He was accused of doing the shit. He admitted he did the shit. He did the shit. No “Allegations” about it.