Cancer: Like a Spring breeze heavy with pollen, you are warm and inviting but generally cause people to wheeze and cry.

easy, breezy, beautiful, catastrophe girl

Is it really wasting time if I'm spending it with you?

Wish I was more talented and creative but all I got were these dastardly damn good looks. Thanks a lot mom and dad.

We'd all like to flee to the Cleve

Ban the moon. Ban it.

Dipping my bread the way I like (face down, butt up)

Not now, babe, I'm getting us hulu premium

Home is where you are

Today’s 666 if you want it to be.

They're making us change aircrafts but I'm already emotionally attached to this plane

Giles 💔

I was born for this (has a snack and takes a nap)

I'm a mess. You're a mess. Let's get messy together ❤️

my mood ring exploded is that good

I eat too many

He's not gonna sell me, dad

What is going on?

Morning coffee view

i call it the 1-2-3 lunch 1 cup of coffee 2 ibuprofen 3 cigarettes it's also good for breakfast and dinner follow me for more recipes

She was all coochie, no coo

I saw Birdie today for the first time in 92 days

Give 'er the ol'

not straight, not gay but a secret third thing (super slutty)

Me, a single person, wondering what a *real* family size pack of oreos would look like 🤔

hey, has anybody else been inexplicably sleepy all the time lately?

My heart is so horny for blood

Funyuns are vegetables fucking fight me

But if there was lightning in me, you'd know who it was for

Without stating your age, post a movie that released when you turned 18

I’m ready for Halloween

I would bag your noodles if you let me

The sound of toddlers screaming in the distance is identical to the sound of cats yowling. Coincidence? Absolutely, yes

This is about me

Stop thinking about my tits

It’s a joke that Mother Nature hasn’t won sexiest woman alive yet.

Wyd

Crying myself to sleep at 6pm felt like a really good idea at the time

There's no welcome mat on my doorstep because I'm not a fucking liar.

Lubricating tears (using my tears to masturbate)

This. Just this

People never talk about the glamorous side of working in education

Just straight tongue it

all I need to stay happy is an endless supply of external validation simple really

It's true, I don't lie on the internet

Screaming "I love you!" at strange cats as they run away from me