But, what if I ate you out about it?

I still have no idea what I’m doing

Waking up is the worst.

let me teabag you with some knowledge

I could be inside your house right now, you don’t know.

Oh, wow. That's fucked up. *Hits like and repost.*

I’m all tucked in and ready for a restful night of overthinking.

When I’m sad, I count to 200 chicken nuggets.

Some of you don't interact and so don't start now.

Quick, everyone swoon over me so I can feel special

It’s ok to flirt, none of this is real

I wanna hug you with like no clothes on

According to my fitness app, I burned 500 calories trying to find the right song.

Naked & afraid, only it’s me in public before 11am.

doctor’s visits in your 40’s be like: it hurts when i do this

Sorry I’m late but my dog didn’t want me to leave

sharing a cigarette with my dog

[folding a fitted sheet] Huh?

Let's sit together and pop. I got bubble wrap.

Sorry I’m late but my dog didn’t want me to leave

i just want to be where the donuts are

laziness level: face got tired chewing a donut

Looking dazed all the time is the new black

rude of me to wake up

I don’t get your obscure references but it’s like whatever, I’ll repost it.

keeping them at arms length isn’t enough space.

Film you've watched more than six times with a gif.

I got the wobbly shopping cart! Weeeeee!

I tried to say “undivided attention”, but what came out was “uninvited detention”, and both could be true, depending on whether or not you want me talking to you

Take me down to the Roku city where the grass is purple and the sky is trippy

I wish i was as cool as some of you think you are.

Rent's too high. Pets need jobs.

Going to church by watching little house on the prairie

A half clothed make-out session would fix me.

Breakfast burritos are dinner if you stop caring about anything

I get enough steps in with my mouth everyday.

Easily entertained by stupidity.

First date idea: we get matching tattoos and never see each other again

Not flirting. Just hot and talking😏

They should invent dogs that live forever.

I am a dad my ears are fine-tuned to the frequency of running toilets

a stork that delivers baby back ribs

*tallies your banana*