I think I’m gonna hit those pancakes with a little extra syrup today.

get in loser, we're going insane

Okay, random stranger. I'm really not that friendly just polite.

Cheesy bread with mariana dipping sauce because everyone loves pizza with extra steps.

I just don't see "candy ass" as an insult. It's quite flattering, actually.

it’s my time to shine* *pass out from exhaustion

Sometimes I worry that I’m not anxious enough

it’s not political if you hate everybody

Imagine if bluesky worked, it would be so powerful

it’s just that financially, you’re not my type

Saw you eat a wedge of cake starting from the back, you monster.

having a hard time not being wealthy

Charging my phone while taking a nap is peak productivity

Sweat is just body drippings that you should save to make gravy.

i will never read a term and/or a condition

talk to the ham

There’s still time to eat pizza tonight if your pizza levels are running low

First in my bloodline to feed those who wronged me to pigs

Fun… *checks notes*… in the SUN? That can’t be right.

This is a stupid fucking hobby

staring off into the distance…”i like gravy.”

It’s cheat day on my diet so I can treat myself. *bangs your sister*

*seductively licks dripped queso off my shirt

be the black sheep you wish to see in the world

welp it's monday again or as i like to call it notintheslightestbitfunday

don’t look a gift toast in the butter

When I die, I don’t want to be buried or cremated. I want to be battered and deep fried.

me, personally? I like to say stupid things on the internet to my imaginary friends

Day drinking on a sunny Monday is peak adulthood.

Today is Victoria Day in Canada, so, Happy Birthday to you, Posh Spice.

I only repost worthy opponents.

Any crystal can be a protective crystal if it’s thrown correctly.

The world may never know what my problem is

holding it all together by a thread and that thread is made of string cheese

Good morning to coffee and coffee only.

whoever invented laying in bed knew what they were doing

always the bridesmaid, never the sea hag luring sailors to a watery grave

Is this the line for after sex sandwiches

When you slide into my DMs, you’d better bring cake.

I knew that I knew, just didn't know it was this way.

The amount of things that I am over has quadrupled in size rather quickly.

A lot of you are successfully sucking at this.

I was chalant once, non for me

are those hungry hungry hippos still hungry

Shoutout to “huh” for being like 85% of my vocabulary

If you’re gonna stab me in the back at least slap my ass while you’re back there

pretending to be asleep so my cat doesn't stop cuddling with me

When I ask if you want to come get dirty with me, I’m talking about weeding the garden.

i bet it feels really good to be an ice cube melting in someone’s mouth

i oppose all sore throats that do not arise from giving blowjobs