Thanks to the trump admin and RFK Jr's MAHA 'movement'-

Getting high and listening to true crime podcasts.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but they're using sewage water on our food, so they can use the fresh water on data centers.

For every "show more like this" there's an equal and opposite "show less like this"

The smoothie community has gone too far.

You wouldn’t like me when I’m conscious.

All I'm saying is pasta never gave me parasites.

Me: We’re supposed to avoid fresh fruits and vegetables. My cholesterol: Oh hell yeah. Let’s get high.

Fuck Mercury, my entire life is in retrograde.

We locked eyes over the gas station coffee bar and ended up fuckin in the back of his PT Cruiser.

*unzips pants* *Pulls out an 8' long bong*

Coffee is the one thing in life that rarely disappoints me.

Achievement unlocked: Gold Medal Stupidity

What the fuck are we even doing?

free spirits. art by © kristen harris

Accepting financial ruin while shitting water out your ass just to own the libs.

these last few weeks have shown that maybe some age limits in Congress may be a good idea. just maybe.

Me, reading the news this morning:

Me, reading the news this morning:

Can't right now. I'm taking it to the bridge.

Do I really need to put a bra on to go yard-saling?

I've got news for you, sweetheart, we're all fuckin toxic.

7 am is a much more humane wake-up time than 5 am.

buttered bread flavored vape

Attention is at a premium, and I'm not paying any of you.

It's hard to be footloose and fancy free when everything nowadays is a tripping hazard.

McConnell: Dead and Loving It

i met your mother in the 1990s while we were both tubthumping, son. back then it was called chumbawambaing and it's a very important part of our alternative heritage and you must learn to respect it.

Constant contact is exploitative bullshit. Don't contact me in my off time.

Chat, when I tell you, I went to order mascara from Amazon, and one of the search suggestions was "mascara for older women," I about died. And then clicked it to shop for my old lady mascara.

The looming sky, this fragile day.

And the stormsong yielded to a choir of sirens...

Jaws marathon Monday!

Used all my tin foil this morning, and I wasn't even making hats.

The doctor is in

Becoming a food influencer so I can rate every NYC bodega's BEC.

A $3 @mta.info subway fare and some good Q train timing can buy you one hell of a view of the July 4th fireworks and the Brooklyn Bridge light show! Huge shoutout to the train operator for slow rolling over the Manhattan Bridge and the conductor for announcing it.

100% charged relatable

🎶Fuck around get muted🎶

Mom's homemade salsa & chips? Yes please

less than 2 blocks away, untouchable half a world away, at your fingertips

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

"Saturday, in the park, I think it was the fourth of July!" youtu.be/GOJHauJ1wzQ?...

May the fourth be with you, or however that goes.

That wedding should've been held in the UFC ring in front of the white house.

Being extra annoying this weekend by calling them Ham-Bs and Hot-Ds.

If by sugar mama you mean has sweet sweet ac, then yes, I'm a sugar mama.

Those who remember will attest: You know what made early Twitter so great? Mainstream media wasn't in it.

A little poison ivy, as a treat.