I like bee butts and I cannot lie... . . I don't know who took this picture butt it rules.

You become an adult the day you realize you've been misusing a slang word

so just to recap... don't eat the food, don't breathe the air, don't leave your home

In the smoke for real now

I will never intentionally kill a bathroom spider, this is our home small friend

The coach for Switzerland can get it

Lots and lots of screaming

I’m an open book but these mf can’t read

Let’s light the moon on fire.

damn dude it’s hot out there

Ankle biters ahoy!

The Knicks, baby, The Knicks I’ve been here waiting

𝗦𝗵𝗶𝘁𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 🫱🏻‍🫲🏼 𝗗𝗮𝗱𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗺

It’s shrug and dazing at this point

Blood filled chalice girl summer

send down thirty feet of rope

I must’ve used these wretched leaves about 20 times

It was 90° all last week and all I got was this stupid ringworm

If I’m ever in a coma please apply chapstick on my lips.

there is a tiny bear who lives inside me and roars at me when I have too much spicy food

I haven’t ruled out the possibility that my bed is my soulmate.

I thought it was an escape hatch but it turned out to be a Pringles can

I've decided to go back to biting people full time.

My favorite group activity? Not being perceived by others

ungodly are the things I would do to this man

I may look like I’m watching this soccer game but I’m really just trying to catch print

Do the people out on the streets having super loud talking phone calls with work colleagues, about how they are structuring their team so they can pivot and are focused on setting their Q2 goals, know what a bunch of absolute dickheads they are?

it will find you when it can

Sometimes I just need to randomly growl at things

Time to dissociate *gets on the subway*

If you hover your mouse over the shit emoji in Teams, a box pops up that reads, „pile of poo.“ Ok, bye.

TFW you and your friend all night have been commenting on how the bartender looks like Meatloaf, and someone has just put “Bat Out of Hell” on the jukebox

Frankly, at this point in my life I’m not bothered that an entity sits on the windowsill in my bedroom at night and flicks its tail at me before revealing itself as a paralysis demon…I find little joy in getting out of bed anyway.

Idk man, some of these piles of shit out here in the park are way too big to have come from any dog…

Belligerently tired this morning

it’s snowing outside, so take your pants off and stay a while

I think we should add an 8th day of the week just for sleeping

open.spotify.com/track/25tMAv... I don’t wanna tie you down or fence you in the lines I might’ve drawn

open.spotify.com/track/1pcTKJ... thank you for the music, rip and all my love

open.spotify.com/track/0O7CvW... the music in heaven tonight is so good

lots of cheeses

We’re going and we’re going and you just gotta go, you know?

Thursday is leg cramp night

Always the dummy, never the ventriloquist.

true

I've run the numbers, and the best thing I can do for family, friends, and the planet is die

I’d totally watch a remake of Weekend at Bernie’s with Christoph Waltz as Bernie

it's crazy, their tears really do taste like champagne

A lovely little pigeon loaf from the park this morning. 10/10

lil dude picked his nose with this collar