it will find you when it can

Sometimes I just need to randomly growl at things

Time to dissociate *gets on the subway*

If you hover your mouse over the shit emoji in Teams, a box pops up that reads, „pile of poo.“ Ok, bye.

TFW you and your friend all night have been commenting on how the bartender looks like Meatloaf, and someone has just put “Bat Out of Hell” on the jukebox

Frankly, at this point in my life I’m not bothered that an entity sits on the windowsill in my bedroom at night and flicks its tail at me before revealing itself as a paralysis demon…I find little joy in getting out of bed anyway.

Idk man, some of these piles of shit out here in the park are way too big to have come from any dog…

Belligerently tired this morning

it’s snowing outside, so take your pants off and stay a while

I think we should add an 8th day of the week just for sleeping

open.spotify.com/track/25tMAv... I don’t wanna tie you down or fence you in the lines I might’ve drawn

open.spotify.com/track/1pcTKJ... thank you for the music, rip and all my love

open.spotify.com/track/0O7CvW... the music in heaven tonight is so good

lots of cheeses

We’re going and we’re going and you just gotta go, you know?

Thursday is leg cramp night

Always the dummy, never the ventriloquist.

true

I've run the numbers, and the best thing I can do for family, friends, and the planet is die

I’d totally watch a remake of Weekend at Bernie’s with Christoph Waltz as Bernie

it's crazy, their tears really do taste like champagne

A lovely little pigeon loaf from the park this morning. 10/10

lil dude picked his nose with this collar

Did someone say pizza?

In an ideal world, people’s outsides would match their insides.

Maybe the trouble started when we started referring to those we report to at work as "superiors"

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re that grossed out by toilet seats that you have to hover and subsequently pee all over them, then it’s you, you’re the problem…

Keep your friends close and your enemies heart medication.

Go home hummingbird, you're drunk

How Ozzy was greeted in heaven

I may not be your cup of tea, but I’ll still burn your tongue.

have you taken your meds have you eaten something have you made an offering to the ancient god that lives in the pit

waking up from a nightmare into a nightmare should be illegal

You can't take it with you when you go, so leave no love left unspoken and no ice cream in the fridge.

Just sprained my finger scrolling all the way down to my birth year.

Welp, just had my yearly review in work and I still don’t make enough money to afford my commute to said job, but the guy who sells bootleg perfume out of the park told me I’m beautiful so I have that going for me…

Initially, people are critical of me for shouting at ducks, but they soon realise they’re words of encouragement

The catalpas are blooming

Matryoshka

Wednesday is short for jfc it's only wednesday

Riding through the Meadowlands on my way to work, I like to play a game where I try to count as many Red Winged Blackbirds I see. So far I’m up to 8!

Sunday makes me wonder sometimes

Happy Valentine‘s Day ❤️✨

Friday = Cryday Friday just isn’t complete without at least two cries before lunch and a good snot-filled huffing sob by the end of the day, cheers

but the voice in my head knows me so well

I’m gutted. RIP David Lynch.

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Caligula’s orgies but instead of sins of the flesh it was 60% off brand name electronics.

sorry that I’m me