next time we should try a government staffed by people who are good at their jobs to see if things work out better

Tiger Woods keeps trying to off himself and Jesus keeps taking the wheel

I don't think trans people should be imprisoned for 5 years because they have to pee

me & the crew waiting for @darthbluesky.bsky.social to return

Sorry but Belle took the beast’s name when they got married. Her name is Belle Beast and she can no longer vote.

Harry Potter tattoo regret rate is an order of magnitude higher than regret for Gender Reassignment Surgery and yet no one has been brave enough to suggest we legislate Harry Potter tattoos.

once you go to substack to complain about bluesky you’re done someone you trust needs to tell you you’re done

I want to full of tacos but I am full of rage instead

Were you a “buddies with your English teacher” queer kid or a “buddies with your art teacher” queer kid? Personally, I was neither; I was a “mortal enemies with the choir director” queer kid.

I'm going to put your call on a brief hold while I slam my head into a wall repeatedly, just one moment please

But I like having all my eggs in one basket. It's very convenient and they're all right there

the chicken didn't know it was crossing a road. it's just walkin around. why do chickens go anywhere

You would think it goes without saying, but you never have to hand it to Tucker Carlson. You really don't

"Actually, adhd is a super power!" ok well my super power is ruining my life

You’re gesturing at everything? Everything includes me. That’s not cool. Don’t involve me. I did not consent to be gestured at.

Making life difficult for restaurant workers continues to be the reddest of flags.

Shut up and listen to my large based son Saxon demand milk and burgers from a sushi restaurant

The other day a friend said "oh look, a white butterfly! That means someone you love who died is visiting you" and my first thought was well that's not fucking true at all so maybe I'm just a miserable person? Much to consider

one thing I will never do online is feud. none of you are real to me in that way. not like this fucking bird I hate

Much like attorneys general and notaries public, the correct term is sons of bitches.

3d printing a new blood brain barrier because mine won't quit letting the news in

hey assholes, thanks for making me check which fucking food items i should buy in my dickhead grocery app so i can get the best goddamn discount on some bitchass gasoline

Copper thieves be like I love the wire

Dune 3: Dune it and dune it and dune it again

Older coworker asked why I drink so much water all day but when I said it's because I suffer from Thirsty Hoe Syndrome she didn't laugh

Every AI generated image I've ever seen has been against my will

My favorite group activity? Not being perceived by others

I don't understand why everyone is so stupid but it's exhausting

We did it, guys. We made it to the dystopic future.

I've been trying to figure out oil pastels for a couple of weeks and I think I'm actually getting worse 😀

But I like having all my eggs in one basket. It's very convenient and they're all right there

So much concern expressed for “hardworking Americans.” What about us Americans working at around 65%?

There's a hauntingly beautiful irony in these morons thinking that carefully crafted American hegemony was actually weak and woke, and they would be the ones who would do Power and Dominance properly, and immediately bringing everything crashing down

friday night selfie time! have a good weekend to everyone out there except the people that i don’t like

People posting ai images

I don't understand why everyone is so stupid but it's exhausting

All I really want in life is a deep hole in the earth into which I can crawl between virtual meetings

People like to shit on California a lot but I can't explain what difference it makes in my life having gorgeous weather every single day

So he doesn't support trans equality

God I love daylight savings. Excited for my entire life to be fucked for the next 3 weeks while my body adjusts to the change. Thankful, blessed, etc

Introducing: BUTTASS! the ass that's a butt

Someone added me to a mod list called 'have the day you voted for' and I would just like to say I would love to have the day I voted for but as someone who has consistently voted against trump, the odds are not in my favor

I’m so tired of seeing people bash Bluesky for being an echo chamber when X is an actual intentionally constructed echo chamber that is demonstrably radicalizing people across the political spectrum who still use it

I'm going to put your call on a brief hold while I slam my head into a wall repeatedly, just one moment please

Ssdd

Remember that time jimmy fallon tried to come on here and was immediately brutally bullied off? Incredible day, brings a tear to my eye

In the middle of a conversation my teenager suddenly stops and goes, "oh and mom? You are SO short by the way" and I'm 5'9"?? Just objectively not short. "I can see all the grays on the top of your head" I don't get paid enough for this

microdosing my childhood by watching the united states start a war in the middle east

The purpose of this website is to help unburden your brain by releasing horrible sentences that live in there like demons