They should invent an email that doesn't find me at all

I Left My Phone In A Rental Car 500 Miles From Home And All I Got Was This Lousy Tshirt (skeeted from my iPad)

I cannot think of a situation that requires Five Guys. Five guys is too many guys

More like Lack Friday (because I lack funds lmao get it)

I hate when people get a little bit popular and it changes their entire personality. My personality changes are solely the result of mental illness.

It wouldn't be thanksgiving without a super smash bros tournament that ends in cursing

This time it was my razor

I've simply never had a bad opinion about pie or anything else

"Reminder to rate your recent purchase" no thanks I'd rather die

They should invent an email that doesn't find me at all

i was visited by the 3 ghosts of christmas and i have decided i am going to become the grink

Mamdani turned his haters into waiters at the table of success

It really do be that way sometimes

happy trans day of remembrance. you are beautifully and wonderfully made and I will never stop fighting for you. the world is better because you are in it

When all else fails, mac and cheese delivers

Incredible things happening on facebook as usual

Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow

[me yesterday] "It's just rain, it isn't even cold enough to snow yet" you fool. You IMBECILE now look what you've done

Hey does anybody know what to do

I love the one day a year it rains in California because I get to watch my neighbors slosh down to the corner store in sandals and no raincoat and marvel at us as a population

people are so incredibly dumb, I'm mad that I felt pressured to be smart my entire life

Truly a horrible time to be literate

Shit's fucked so I'm going to watch videos of babies laughing at dogs until I fall asleep

i'm a veteran of the first and second woke wars

Joyce Carol Oates should say he can't do backflips off the roof next

"You can do hard things!" yeah but I don't want to. I just want to chill.

DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie] SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in

Just going to keep posting until it happens

no i do not want to “give feedback on my purchase” i want to watch the movie Legend again for the first time at an impressionable age

Diva down (financially)

[hot ones] me: *finishes off gallon of milk* sean evans: ok are you ready for your first wing

Yeah I guess you could say I'm kind of a sick freak (enjoy a little pulp in my orange juice)

I just love fall. Bathing in pumpkin spice latte, eating crunchy leaves, eating sweaters knitted from the hair of my neighbors. Hard to pick a favorite really.

Everybody wants to celebrate the boys being back in town, nobody wants to examine the circumstances that forced the boys to leave in the first place.

Languishing! At the grocery store

I'm so over breaking news. How about some fixing news.

Rudy Giuliani today

Sometimes it's nice to be a piece of shit Californian

what a night

Zohran Mamdani won the same day Dick Cheney died and I think that's beautiful

It's time to lib out I fear

me: I think we should talk him: ...about what? me: I have a confession him: a real confession or one of your confessions? me: my least favorite potato is mashed him: you always do this

sorry but mamdani and cuomo should have worn blue and yellow hats, respectively

Just saw a take in the Discover Feed so horrifying that that I began to rend my flesh and issue forth screams that I, at first, did not recognize as my own voice.

by any conceivable measure SNAP is one of the best programs we have, keeps countless people from food insecurity, and every dollar spent goes back into the community 1.5 times over if you’re policing what people spend it on because they don’t “deserve” joy you’re a shitty excuse for a human being

"You can do hard things!" yeah but I don't want to. I just want to chill.

we've finally answered humanity's most ancient question, "What happens after you die?" the answer is JD Vance fucks your wife

Something that will never stop making me angry is doctors using the bmi on 6 year olds and telling them to lose weight

The mods said if you dislike my posts I can arrest you

Speaks poorly of Doc he could never cure Sneezy.