Dolphins, no. 😑

Don't sleep on the deliciousness of the humble stuffing waffle, topped with mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and gravy. 🤤

Finally some good news!

I'm going through some things.

My neighbor’s ain’t doing shit without me knowing about it.

I don't remember making whatsapp thing last night while my sleep meds were kicking in, but here he is on my phone anyway

We are phasing out the terms “extant” and “extinct” from our exhibits and will now refer to species as either “Darwinners" or “Darlosers.”

Clark W. Griswold. #caricature #art

Trying this out… Am having fun with painting right now so am offering a limited number of mini animal commissions! 😊 More info here 😊 shop.kipalizadeh.net/product/mini... #KidLitArt

[avengers mansion] CAP: good morning Avengers let's begin IRON MAN: wait spider-man is missing OPEN MOUTH MAN: weird he was here when i went to sleep last nite

dawg I wish I could delete everything I learned from the menswear guy bc knowing all of it and looking at this fit is making me physically ill. every last detail is fucked lmao

"She loved his eyes" His eyes:

If there was suddenly a giant shark in every PSA video, would that improve the reach of our messaging?

The answer is unequivocally yes.

I'm not falling for that again.

HAPPY PARTIALLY MUSCLED SKELETON DAY

I listened to the Megyn Kelly clip and my takeaway is that she should change her name to Megyn R Kelly

Oh really, you have stained glass windows? Cool, my glass windows are clean, because I'm an adult

our vp is nothing more than a gutter racist

First question: What? Follow up question: Dafuq?

I can't believe we fell so far that Equal Rights from The Lonely Island's Popstar movie almost feels like legitimate progressive allyship.

a lot of people regretting the 'this shoulda been an email' advice rn lol

Safety inspector: I found two major issues with your Death Star. For one thing, there are no railings. Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms. Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.

i thought it was just some guy named duncan donuts

Hi. .. it me Jof. do bikini. crime ?

There are afternoons when decades happen.

Jeff has a tiny throne next to Namor

i mean c’mon. the president’s best friend was the most notorious pedo in the country’s history who ran a massive child trafficking ring. every bit of circumstantial evidence we have says that trump was a participant. if this were a criminal trial we’d have enough evidence to compel a plea deal.

The devil, having tired of the details, is in the depression

I crave endless attention and total isolation at the same time.

If SCOTUS kills the stupid tariffs I am buying 3 of every single one of these

Somebody please show Bari Weiss my interview with Portnoy from 13 YEARS AGO TELLING (AND REPEATEDLY DEFENDING) RAPE JOKES. Why is CBS platforming a dude with a looong history of misogyny? Forward to a 1:35 to see my confrontation with him. youtu.be/B7QTahhIBqI

Dems even more likely to cave. Thing is, when you teach a bully that they can get what they want by bullying, they don't just stop. They go back to that well over and over again.

Joyce Carol Oates sitting across a desk from Kendrick Lamar: "So I'm putting a team together..." Isaac Chotiner knocks on the open door.

Trying to get ahead of that Joyce Carol Oates dunk

RIGHT?! Doin' the best I can over here with these things....

For shits and giggles Trump should be given the citizenship test.

Everyone is dunking on Kim Kardashian. The truth is the California bar is notoriously hard, the pass rate was only 55%, the pass rate for people who didn‘t go to an accredited law school is way lower, and lots of very smart and dedicated people don’t pass the first time and become good lawyers.

ah yes, individual people negotiating individually with huge insurance companies. a power balance tipped toward the little guy, and sure to produce excellent results for The People

How many of these players took the under?

😬

the nectar of the dogs (puddle water)

asking the loan officer if i can pay down the 50 year mortgage in posts

[gently touching your acne scar] is this from the war?