gurl are you a data center, cause you look like you were voted out of your hometown for being too thirsty

"Non-denominational" church pastor after his MTV VJ career was derailed when he was caught doing drugs with minors.

[Youth pastor voice] You know who else made it possible to walk across water? *strums guitar*

Ladies and gentlemen, the 69th President of the United States of America.

pausa de hidratación

Tbh playing a man down is what these guys are all about.

"You've scapegoated 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 VP?"

The party of _______ values.

They signed it WHERE

Life in the 2020’s every few days:

My favorite part of this is how they're doing this in the least effective way possible. Shocking a serious algal bloom like this typically requires a concentration of 100ppm of peroxide throughout the pool. Given that the reflecting pool holds about 6.5 million gallons of water (1/x)

Have they considered dunking JD Vance into the reflecting pool? That MFer kills everything.

Wow. Go ahead and live up to the hype, man. ⚽

I mean… #evergreen

*inventor of pyjamas Okay well obviously we're going to need pockets for like, bedtime cheese and sleep peanuts and stuff

I wish this isolation on him for the rest of his days.

Oh, a Trump vanity project produced mockable results? Like his military parade? Like his wall? Like his name on the Kennedy Center? Like his gilded Oval Office? Like his scalp surgery? I'm sure the Qatari plane, the ballroom and the America 250 rallies will be fine. 🙄

Cheese. Leave it off my burgers and tacos, please and thank you.

“Did you write the NHL finals headline?” “Sure did, boss. Real fucking filthy, just like you asked.” “Great…wait what?”

not sure the mainstream press has been played this hard since the bill barr book report on the mueller report

CANES!!! 🌀🌀🌀

He looks like your second cousin's plus one about to make a racist toast at your wedding.

[to flight attendant] Can you give the pilot this poem I wrote

Watching everything be better without you from Albania:

too bad jalen brunson is just too small to lead his team to an nba title

Spurs are so sloppy man

IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME KIND OF SIGN...

be punk this weekend fam

Listening to the post game crowd chant "USA" on TV while watching the Kennedy Center live feed on my phone. 🇺🇸

i hope media executives are taking note of the tens of thousands of people who for several hours on a friday night have stayed glued to livestreams of scaffolding being built just so they could witness his name getting knocked off a building

Waiting for people to burst into a spontaneous rendition of "Yub nub" outside the Kennedy Center

people who think basketball is full of floppers have never seen the tragedy of soccer players felled by sniper fire

SIMULATION!

I mean, if you were looking for a stock image of a guy who uses the word "uppity."

27. Y'all.

My mom’s Letterboxd be like

Physician 21, whispering to Physician 22: "MFer said 'rhinopotamus.'"

whenever I wonder why I’m in an ambiently horrible mood all the time nowadays, I check the news and am reminded

Im yelling “go Robert Mueller and the rule of law!”

The important thing is that we all experienced it together.

Jeebus

Spurs played an incredible 24 minutes of basketball.

Does that make her our Fetterwoman?

I see. It's the "cease" part he doesn't understand.

I like how the Vegas Knights hold their games inside a Medieval Times.