found two bucks on the floor of the forest today. the earth provides

The summer of the chickpea has begun

Kids today have no idea what "yabba dabba doo" means. it means i'm excited you little shit. and you just ruined it

There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than your ass could come up with

Okay so now every business gets to keep the change if my purchase total doesn’t end in 0 or 5, but I cannot even APPROACH counter with $4.96 and a $5 item. Casino reality.

“A palpable desire to be ensconced” lol

memorial day sales would have the metaphorical victorian child swagged out for less

*high-fiving each plate on the back of a stegosaurus as I pass by him* good game good game good game

this ad makes me want to order and eat a bag of dirt

imagine going to the gym and there’s someone on all fours galloping

🎶 MOTOR LODGE 🎶 WHAT’S YOUR PRICE PER NIGHT

for my birthday this year i am kindly asking for a $1.8 billion slush fund that i can use specifically to be an asshole

Your teenage years are all about learning who you are as a person. Your 20s are for taking risks and making mistakes. Your 30s are for being stuck in a time loop. Your 40s are for being stuck in a time loop. Your 50s are for being stuck in a time loop.

The early success of the Addams Family is attributable to the fact that, prior to the 1930s, most americans had never encountered anything fucked up or weird

[You are encumbered and cannot run] [You drop: Greatsword of Frost] [You are encumbered] [Warning! Dropping Prince Tim will abandon his questline!] [You drop: Prince Tim] [Quest failed! "Tiny Kingdom in Need"] [You are encumbered] [You drop: (1) of (14) Cheese Wheels] [You are no longer encumbered]

When Omar El Akkad talked about this kind of position in “One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This,” the examples of people saying “you can only speak out about an atrocity when it’s too late to stop it” were a lot less explicit

If you are driving a car and become angered by a bus this should be a You Must Change Your Life moment. The gentleness of this great beast, and its great indifference, should reveal you to yourself.

I drank one beer at 2 PM and laid down and pulled the earth over me like a blanket and snow fell and grass grew and I turned into a little hill

I find that exposure to the elements increases the quality of my tea. After drying, I like to spread the leaves out somewhere in the suburbs, where the neighborhood coyotes are drawn to the pleasing aroma. However, this approach isn't without its flaws. I have been mauled viciously

Sagittarius: You will struggle with a long bout of uncertainty later today before finally deciding that it was a deer.

Thousands are marching in Selma calling for a full restoration of the voting rights act.

As a guy with half a trillion dollars, I have lots of options: 1. Enjoy a 100% stress-free life doing whatever I please in unfathomable luxury all over the world with people of my choosing 2. Have 87 meltdowns a day on a website

Every time you drink out of a straw you’re giving a tiny blowjob

There’s definitely at least one person in the room pitching hot older lesbian james bond, and I’m rooting for them. Someone is saying Gillian Anderson Bond right this second.

big news in the inbox today

lmao www.euronews.com/next/2026/05...

Bert and Ernie should have their own show. I don't want to have to watch Sesame Street to see what they're up to. I'm not 5

Sven is short for Sventipede

It's a rare gift, to know where you need to be, before you've been to all the places you don't need to be.

I had a dream last night that my cats understood and appreciated how hard I work to give them a good life

I’m reading The Last Picture Show and learning far more about the history of cow/human relationships than I really wanted to

If we all lean back really hard at the same time we can make the train pop a wheelie

saw my doctor at the grocery store and he was using his stethoscope to see if the honeydew melons were ripe

America's roadless forests are some of the most intact, connected wildlife habitats left in the country. We have a chance to keep these wild forests safe — for good. Ask your legislators to cosponsor the Roadless Area Conservation Act and help save the homes of America's most vulnerable species. ⬇️

ditching my bike and swinging on the powerlines like a gibbon

The relevant portion of the Jason Collins discussion

Spotted on Tumblr…

The real value of social media is being able to post something like "The ass is the father of the legs" and potentially have multiple members of congress see it

if that’s ur girl why’d she bring me ripe strawberries and fresh cut flowers

me after I sow:

“You could lose access to 6 years of your Gmail history” man I would like to lose access to the last 6 years of all history get out of here

Oh, to leave my discarded exoskeleton clinging to a tree!

There came a day when the great emperor fell ill with fever, and none of his doctors could revive him. Now the call went out across the empire, promising great reward for any who could find a cure. www.the-reframe.com/one-thing-yo...

I know it's been said a million times but honestly, honestly, the US-Israeli war on Iran is genuinely one of the most fucked up things I have seen in international affairs in my life. It is genuinely shocking to me, in a way I think it would be bad to lose sight of, just how bad this has been.

My dog wants to get up on my chair with me and I don’t want him to, so he yawns really big at me like THAT’S going to change my mind, and he’s right. He’s too sleepy to be down there on the floor.

Moving On.

Part of what we're seeing is the long-foretold victory of Lee Atwater's covert racism strategy. Forty years later and journalists still have no ability to accurately describe a racist who doesn't use the n-word in public.