one thing about me is i always have to pee one more time before bed

ever since i was a little girl ive known i was destined to be on 3-5 psychiatric medications

it’s a sock darner. hell yeah

i yap too much so the full unboxing is too long, but please enjoy me testing the scissors and literally needing to sit there for a minute to let it hit me

if y’all ever need source material, i got so much source material

today i scored someone’s grandmas sewing box and i plan to open it and go thru each item squealing like an influencer with PR

NFT stands for nonstop fucking thrifting

BLT stands for big loose titty

economy is so bad rn the worms in my brain had to get second jobs 🫤

this was about my hose

billionaires in an imploding submarine escape room

i told them yall said hi

my kid just said, “sometimes i laugh so hard i become french”

went out to dinner and stuck all the dads at the kids table

this place has a CUBAN MISSLE CRISIS escape room???????

yall wish me luck not making any enemies of my friends lmfao

anyway, that’s why now when i’m like hmmm maybe i should think of a less weird way to say this, or do this, i’m like… nahhhhhhh

doing another escape room today lmfaooo oh god

Noticed in my teens & spent my them & my twenties hating & punishing & shrinking myself & STILL not fitting in. now i’m weird again & you know what???? it’s fine. haters r now the weirdos, bc it’s immature and petty and just kinda stupid to punish someone for being unique lol. we have all lived !!

in my teens & 20s, the number one ‘compliment’ i got from acquaintances was how ~genuine & real~ i am, & yeah part of that is autism. but another part of it is just minding my own business. ofc we’re all different shades of odd lmao, it’s like being mad at flowers for growing different directions

sometimes i’m hanging out with people and they start over-explaining their benign little phrases or habits….. i wanna take them by the hands & be like who made you feel this way. who made you feel ashamed of being a person. do we need to kick your dads ass

the only times i ever click on somebody’s profile to learn more after reading a post is if they say something hot

absolutely zooted with my peenies hbu

me if i ever speak to god

sometimes i create the knot to know the pleasure of untangling it

sorry babe i’m just really focused on my hose right now

everybody knows i love my beverages

i think i may already be a little sick of the pool lol

binkiki

*flirty* i have “remarkably tough” ankle hair

recreational waxing

Leafs

Guys will be like "I know a place" and bring you here

growing together is high-key goated when seeing ppl become fuller, more free versions of themselves is the vibe

ye olde nap tyme

let the computers die tbh

marty, dropped his balls

i’d like to see a man make someone who’s eye level with their exposed butthole laugh

i kinda don’t care what pesticides i’m eating

any chicago besties wanna hang out in 3 weeks

What if Moses "parting the red sea" was actually about pussy

babysitting the farmers market this morning for bestie 💅

*saddest voice known to man* personal growth :)

i love walking in the house like, babe I need a power drill and a short length of strong rope

ouuughh

catch my breath, not even for a second

a man i follow on instagram just posted this “meal” lmfaooooooooo

not much in this world brings me greater pleasure & relief than walking in the front door, shedding all my clothes, and crawling back into bed

i love when toast is frenched