k gn thx for playing. *save game*

if no one falls in love with me before the rapture do i spend eternity alone?

I don’t chase men, I trip them so they fall in love

I’m so sick of older squirrels asking when I’m going to have kits. YOU 👏 GREW 👏 UP 👏 IN 👏 A 👏 MAST 👏 YEAR 👏 GRANDPA 👏

I want to apologize about a recent post I shared about mushrooms. I’m sorry I said they were nice. I’m sorry they were beautiful. I’m sorry they melted your heart and made you feel joy for a moment you bastard

I was on Twitter for the Mayan rapture of 2012 and lemme tell you: I’ve spent every single day wishing it was true ever since

"what's this a ranger caught off his guard" ....hey babe i have a role playing idea

listening to relient k and switchfoot to prepare for the rapture

but babe, im getting raptured tomorrow this is our last chance

They never should have let us watch Andor

[on a first date] what did u think abt the show "fringe"

😭😭😭

Me: remind me to never get bottom surgery so that I don’t become fucking stupid K: *bewildered* what happened in calc?! Me: @sophamir.bsky.social sent me screen shots of her DMs K: 🙄

[me] *posts pics that i like of myself* [gets harassed in the dms based on those pics] [me] *deletes all pictures of myself* [gets harassed in the dms for not having pics]

saving my bangers for marriage

[looking at the ring wraiths] the gloves and hood stays on during sex

I hope I don't get raptured mid-goon

vibrator stops working right before im about to cum call that boyfriend simulator

For mental health reasons, the HHS recommends that your media diet should be 10% news and 90% shitposts.

Right wing podcast bros flew too close to the sun

It was the worst of times but the best of bangers

when the first snakes were born there was probably a bunch of long ass lizards walking around scoffing like 🙄 these kids and their fads. well i bet they feel pretty stupid now

[me having a good time being weird] [a man] *how do i bring up my dick*

while you are getting raptured im gonna be gooning having my own little personal fapture

yeah im a lil witchy (flirting)

yeah im a lil witchy (threatening)

every like is a "hm thank u i enjoyed this"

My 7 girlfriends, Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday and yeah. They smork weed

hey babe do you wanna go on a pre-rapture frolic through the fields?

[t-shirt idea] Got raptured and all I got was this religious psychosis

Microdosing illiteracy by watching a press conference

todays posts brought to you by the giant piercing headache ive had all day

b4 u fall in love w me u shld know i snort laugh at my own jokes

oh yeah well im just gonna take even MORE tylenol

rewatching lotr and damn why is sam kinda...

son of a cuss i put diesel in the school bus and not magic

i see ur like and raise u 10 more posts

what if trans people were worth as much as a talk show host, collectively if not individually, as a treat

wormposting

he asked for the girlfriend experience so I started a fight with his mom

laying* my eggs** *posting **skeets

im like if the horse flying through the air saying "sorry partner i am overstimulated" meme was a person

me as a gf is just having a really annoying (but cute) puppy

(DELETED POST)

he asked for the Girlfriend Experience so I had a panic attack and made him drive me to the ER and wait with me for 6 hours for them to tell me I'm fine

I’m employed. Could somebody please explain the latest Bluesky drama?

pulling on the push door of life

does anyone have a fuck to spare

This ain't my first Rapture.