had a very respectful chat about theology tonight

never perform or discuss actions that leave you culpable for anything. that way you can prank your partner and/or her family whenever you want and nobody will ever suspect you. i dont do this btw

a young man was afraid to fly he packed his chardonnay and kissed his ass goodbye he ate his cigarettes and his beautiful wife and who would have death row pardoned his beautiful wife

alternate version of ironic where the context is different and everything is ironic for a really hard to fathom reason it's like grain on your wedding day it's like grain when you've already paid it's like grain you just couldn't take and who would have thought [lyric racist in our universe]

please do not join the church of appliantology and plook too hard

girl who siiiiings all of her statements to alanis morisette's ironic just... figure out a way to make this work in your head

the bath ophelia ran but the flowers havent settled quiiiiite into place for millais to paint me so im not getting in yet

um in this world of ai how are we supposed to tell if its peam or not

im really funny and if you dont believe me just go away or be sad or die or something

im here ///articulated.thigh.submissiveness

boc from elden ring is actually short for his full name "blue öyster cult from elden ring"

[extremely leaky dam made of swords that is visibly about to burst and destroy a village downriver] behold, the dam of swordocles,

ah yes, blue oyster cult's eponymous track [checks notes] "subhuman"

who else out here listening to joe's garage and plooking themselves into oblivion

i love how time offers legitimacy

utilitarianism is stupid lmao. if you dont think we can do better i feel sorry and contempt for you

landlord [to me]: please, be my guest me: what? legally, no,

eating my own asshole like some kind of FUCKED UP (but completely satisfied) ouroboros

eat my dunk ya plooks

"you enjoy your work a little too much, you're a ghoul" god i love jane lmao that line has lived in my head for 18 years

the people who think im hot are sooooo correct. i dont do makeup or think of my face badly im just a fat tranny with generic features and im so hot bc of it

just redyed my hair

they should make a wonder woman who hangs hog

TMBG Heardle #1418 🔊🟩⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Minute Cryptic - 15 February, 2026 "Rich, 6'6", with dreamy face" (5) 🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣 🏆 0 hints – 2 under the community par (17,700 solvers so far).

golden sun venus djinni named gimlet who is always drunk and when you assign him to a player they get less accurate but he is required to beat the game so it just gets really annoying

gf & i watched north by northwest for our valentine's day movie night and then she went for a shower and so i watched some acnh youtube while waiting for her &, after, paused to get her pyjamas out & i look up when i go to press play and this is how it's paused and we're losing our shit over it lmao

north by northwest but the figurine theyre fighting over on mount rushmore is a regular garden gnome. there are no secrets in it

clouds are back :(

while you were studying the blade, i went to the store

it's hidden behind this

i have a hidden witchcraft room btw

only 90 kids remember. only 89 kids remember. only 87 kids remember. you need to save them. only 86 kids remember.

the single most devastating part of being the potential target of a fatal hate crime is not being able to do my Dr Girlfriend impression and saying "yes i belong in here i just have a deep voice". people who like telling jokes while trans are the most oppressed class for this specific reason

i booted my laptop and made a displacement map for this so now you all have to see it

oh my god. sunlight. ive missed this shit. its been constantly raining here for days and before that itd been perpetually overcast for longer than living memory

TMBG Heardle #1417 🔊🟩⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Minute Cryptic - 14 February, 2026 "Beau, Victor, Rocky, Neil, Nate" (9) 🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣 🏆 0 hints – 2 under the community par (18,608 solvers so far).

bbc's curse of midwife

it's hard to believe it's literally always 4:20 somewhere

I'll do you one better: end cops.

I love Lego so much.

this baggie is definitely full of weed

[extremely leaky dam made of swords that is visibly about to burst and destroy a village downriver] behold, the dam of swordocles,

boc from elden ring is actually short for his full name "blue öyster cult from elden ring"

ah yes, blue oyster cult's eponymous track [checks notes] "subhuman"

stuffing a rotisserie chicken full of batteries

Elon Musk genuinely has to be regarded as one of history’s pre-eminent mass murderers

Idk who needs to hear this but ACAB includes incels