I think it's punk to care, actually.

the met gala should have one regular person in a sensible cardigan just to measure the vibes scientifically.

Gonna make a movie about punctuation. It's a period piece.

i like when a movie says “no animals were harmed” because it strongly implies several humans were and they’re not taking questions

cell phone speakers were a mistake

the history channel used to be about vikings and pyramids and now it’s just one guy named ron insisting a warehouse is haunted because the air conditioner turned on

what i really want to know is whenaburger

they should invent scrolling but for books

i think streaming services should have a “popular with your enemies” row where they put all the shows that end on cliffhangers and never got renewed

i don’t think the joker should be allowed to call himself that unless he’s actually doing five solid minutes at an open mic

john wick's not even a candle guy?

a romcom should legally require the love interest to show up in the rain at least once, even if the movie takes place entirely in a desert.

some of you? annoying

fellas is it codependent when two people like each other

every time someone reboots a franchise, somewhere in Hollywood a writer whispers, “yes… finally… a chance to correct the hair gel decisions of 2009”.

the pope told every filmmaker and actor he met with today to look at the airbud franchise as a model for how to create tasteful media that can withstand the test of time

if your best friend doesn’t hype you up like you’re the secret 13th member of the Ocean’s Eleven crew, get a new best friend.

it should be illegal to roll your window down and listen in to someone else’s drive thru order. that is an intimate moment a sacred ritual that ought not be desecrated

i make a lot of jokes about going off the grid to live in a small rory gilmore ass town but the reality is that i’m meant to live in the city. i cannot be the only person in the superstore with makeup like dakota fanning in the runaways (2010)

You kids think saying numbers is cool? 67? How 'bout 9/11? Still having fun? Didn't think so.

when people say “be the bigger person,” i imagine physically growing until i am unstoppable.

if you see a very tall woman at the grocery store sweating and crying while trying to climb in with the frozen foods just leave her alone

these are my emotional support hundreds of CDs that I keep even though I don't have anything I can play them on

i don’t like to talk about myself a lot because my story is half way between a romcom and a cautionary tale

is 27 the oldest anyone has ever been?

mission impossible viral content has hit bluesky

i’m like if a hot girl stopped sending emails and started making colouring books instead

the phrase “knowledge is power” severely overestimates the power of knowing random trivia like “octopuses have beaks”. still waiting for that to help in battle.

this is an owl

I love drawing I love art I love making things

i like when a prophecy says someone is “the chosen one” with zero explanation of the selection process. did they win a raffle? was there a customer loyalty program?

wearing Chunk Taylors

the phrase “love conquers all” really glosses over the logistical nightmare of conquering anything. you try building an empire with feelings. Rome wasn’t built in a day but Cupid is out here shooting arrows like zoning laws don’t exist.

a video game where they replaced every pain sound with the entirety of johnny cash's i hurt myself today song

if witches rode Roombas instead of brooms, the entire vibe of Europe would’ve been different. less persecution, more polite beeping

the absolute fucking indignity of logging on to be silly and accidentally saying something insightful. serf, hand me the weed gummies, this status quo cannot be allowed to persist

pretty bold of history textbooks to be like “the Bronze Age ended”, as if bronze just clocked out and left a note that said “pursuing other opportunities”.

i consumed so much content yesterday. 37 content. probably take it easy today.

last year i was just doodling on my phone and this year i have 30 books available for sale

I met a weird girl and within 20 minutes she had me eating nerd clusters straight from her hand like a horse

i’m like if a hot girl stopped sending emails and started making colouring books instead

he wouldn’t have had to do this if those people hadn’t canceled the b in apt 23!!!

when people say “be the bigger person,” i imagine physically growing until i am unstoppable.

you can’t take everything seriously. some things exist solely to haunt the powerpoint of your memories.

even the birthday rewards from restaurants are bad now. just a little treat? where’s my comped full meal?? where’s my entree? what happened to this country

every day i think about how someone in the 1400s could get excommunicated for doing less than what i do before noon.