DEMOCRATS: If Jesus were alive today he’d be a Democrat. REPUBLICANS: No he’d be a Republican. JESUS IF HE WERE ALIVE TODAY: I am going to perform a miracle on Cam Skattebo’s leg.

they’re going to make it illegal to watch videos from outside the US soon huh

“But what if Bill Clinton is in the files?” Bill Clinton: Fuck that guy, do it.

if bari weiss had tried to do 9/11 there'd be three towers now

has anyone uploaded the 60 minutes segment three minutes at a time yet

I don't think Trump should get access to standard medical care, he should have to let RFK Jr treat him

Weissand Effect

the grinch isn’t his name or his ethnicity it’s a slur

problematic rage gap

JOSEPH: *holding newborn baby* he’s a miracle MARY: what should we name him *baby shits all over* JOSEPH: jesus christ

ME: Wow I just saw a shooting star. SHOOTING STAR: It was self defense.

Leaving a fat dump in The Upside Down for The Demogorgon to step in

they call it going viral because it's bad for you

the grinch’s full name is grinedict cumberbatch

How the Grinch Stole Valor

i'm liking all the pro-Avatar posts and all the anti-Avatar posts because i have never seen them and don't care, i just like seeing people fight

Taking down all my Nicki Minaj posters

today’s like if friday and monday had a baby

They’re banning goatse before doxxing lol

Erika Kirk coming on stage to tell you how much she misses Charlie

Santa Claus was 1600 years old when he began delivering presents to children around the world. It’s never too late.

not liking my posts is coordinated harassment

13 year old me after faking sick to stay home from school

“ummm i would have made the joke like this” that’s why i’m better than you

Knew these looked familiar

THERAPIST: It’s normal to go through the stages of grief ERIKA KIRK: Get on stages for my grief? THERAPIST: No no I sai- ERIKA KIRK: Yeah I’ll take it from here

An absolutely magnificent Freudian slip! 🤌🏼

Donald Trump ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️h⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ates ⬛️ ⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️pedophile ⬛️⬛️s ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️

they should make a type of news that doesn’t cause psychic damage

Horror movie idea: Literally exactly as things are right this moment.

having a dead phone in 2025 is basically like living in the woods

I hate it here but I can't stop tweeting

I will never “import contacts” you are going to have to spy on me the old fashioned way

fuck you but not the horse you rode in on, he seems chill as hell

Every time you tell someone to do better I'm three steps behind you telling them to do worse

ending all the wars by starting one last gigantic one

What if he’s telling us he’s dying

well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers

logging off brings such wonders

it’ll be 11 pm and your kids will wake you up and be like “i forgot to tell you i’m supposed to bring the actual grinch to school tomorrow”

NFL to suspend Los Angeles Rams WR Puka Nacua 4 games for discrimination against a protected class (referees)

if i created pennywise i would have given him one of those big red clown noses that goes honk honk

if i created pennywise i would have given him one of those big red clown noses that goes honk honk

I bet the gods couldn’t even punish me for my hubris if they tried