scratch off tickets should bleed

posts that are not viral, not popular, but a secret third thing (bad)

AI will never be able to experience the pain of a Banger Post not landing.

keeping a positive attitude (eating batteries plus sign first)

Autocorrect just changed gay bars to hay bags and this is homophobic

Excuse me did you just call being anti-data centers NIMBYism?

Me when people don't want me to build my scream powered dick hammer factory in their backyard.

I...I can't even find the fuckin words, y'all...

high, your honor

why is it called a gun rant and not a glockenspiel

in honor of star wars day, i’m reminded of that time i attended a wedding and the groom was a total “star war head” they were in full costume he had an entire light saber routine in the middle of the ceremony and got so into it he needed to be tapped on the shoulder and reminded where he was

Hey Australian voters, where are you at with this?

giving myslef a pulitzer for this skeet

This is common pest, that lives on the backs of farmers and screeches noisily. It drops toxic shit everywhere and forces indigenous spicies out of their habitat. In this picture, it is holding a starling. (Source @kev-lucky.bsky.social )

please sir, allow me to post these 17 screenshots from twitter to further expand my point as to why god wanted us to smoke mushrooms

idk, yoda is probably the only living creature that i trust *could* drive drunk

I don't block people; I mute them. Happy in myself knowing it frustrates them with how quickly I move on with my life after they gave it their best shot.

Sorry, nothing lives rent free in my head anymore. Not in this economy

Them: what’s wrong with you? Me: *deep breath

I'll put you in a hilariously named bluesky list idgaf

How come you listen to music through a speaker but listen to speeches through a musicer?

Sorry, was that rude? [rhetorical]

When I wake up in the morning and realize that I'm still here. Huh!

Fish in an aquarium should be called zooshi ...and send

Another day, same unnecessary fucks.

No, I'm not relatable. It's part of my fucking charm.

Done with season 2 of bluesky!

i think i have that new tick borne illness where your farts smell exactly like beef

play star wars backwards & it's about an awards ceremony that goes terribly wrong.

*i walk over to a coworker who is singing along with a song on the radio, gently put my hand on their shoulder & whisper* let’s stop this.

😭😭😭

Post something random or you’ll have the exact same May as you will if you don’t post anything. I like random but chain letters are a drag.

Post something random or you'll have an awful May

I regret posting this due to all the professional hog posters liking it I'm not an OnlyFans content creator, pls stp

My personality is fine; make fun of my dick.

Why are all the best gifs ten feet tall?

So well-hydrated my toilet goes, “Ahh that’s refreshing!” every time I go pee.

One of the saddest things about being an adult is forgetting what you ordered online and excitedly opening up a package only to find it's a 2-pack of air filters.

True or False dichotomy

I'd be a terrible girl friend. I'd let you have your own space far away from me.

You say you’ve had enough of my nonsense but how do we know unless we push the envelope a little?

Today's find is a doll head tissue dispenser from the 50s. I found it in an abandoned house. May or may not be haunted

please rsvp if you plan to fall into my trap

I change by bio/pfp even more often than conservatives lower their standards 💁🏻‍♂️

I want to be composed of galaxies

LUCAS: and this guy is named Greedo- DEPALMA: Greedo? lmao is his partner named Sleazo? SCORSESE: c'mon Brian DEPALMA: fuck off Marty, I saw you giggle when they said Jabber the House MILIUS: not enough chicks COPPOLA (totally zooted): wtf is this nerd shit LUCAS (crying): *writes down Sleazo*

somewhere in between