If you have a hankering to watch the 1983 original TV miniseries V, you should be able to do so without advertisements.

Someone should call Jody Foster and ask her if she’s impressed now.

The next 28 Days Later movie should take place 28 million years later and be 2 hours of peaceful quiet forest scenes as the camera slowly and calmly advances down what is obviously the Thames but with zero evidence of humanity surrounding it

Boy Scouts is woods karate.

おはようみうし𓂃◌𓈒𓐍 #invertebrates

Lost doctor who episodes found, lost mst3k episode found, and now the lost ending of the 1931 dracula has been fully found and restored. Big year for rediscoveries

Puh-lease….we’re still not gonna be interested in the correspondents dinner. Quit trying so hard.

The gummy is working. I’m now going to boil some pelmini since I remembered to get sour cream at the store.

Long story short, "everybody poops" is not a good legal defense for using the mall fountain as a bidet.

Fuck it. I’m having a gummy if I’m gonna be stuck home doing laundry on a Saturday night.

Yes! Sleep is like time traveling to your next cup of coffee.

"Barn Owl Wedding Bouquet." Brought to you by: @hawaiijeno.bsky.social

Big fan of WWE’s cuts. Now if they’d just axe the entire bloodline, the writers and hire some actual bookers.

I’m gonna go take a shower, but not because I’m planning on being productive. I’m doing it because my shoulder hurts and I think the hot water will help.

pigpen is his nickname. his real name is *trombone noises*

Gonna start using the big boot as a finishing maneuver. Those who are a little higher in stature are gonna need to crouch a little. Oh well. Small sacrifice. No one told them to be tall.

*eats Nature Valley bars in the bed* I'm a bad boy...

Men really are different than women because they're made out of boners!

i’m reading a novel and just came across the delightful phrasing, “wanton individuality” it was used as a term of endearment and i shall now strive to live my life such that someone might express such an opinion about me

This is the bouquet I want

I understand why my life is as it is. I have a list of things I need to do today but I’m just sitting here in that semi-stunned state of partial-wakefulness dicking around on my phone.

Me: I need a recliner Super Value Furniture Outlet: electric reclining, lumbar support cup holder pop up table iPhone outlets fukin laser beams and shit Cat: corrugated

Cereal is just breakfast soup

Just Can’t Get A Bouef. #BeefInASongOrMovie

The one law I feel confident about is the US law that makes it illegal to make haggis.

If the unintended consequences of going back in time and eradicating the Bradford pear included the end of the world it would still be worth it.

We need a law that states if a member of Congress resigns while under investigation by an Ethics body, the investigation will continue, the results will be made public, and any warranted criminal referrals issued. Resigning should not stop justice.

#Archaeology 💩

Can’t skeet. Gotta pee.

Au jus me like one of your french dips

only pour pure cane sugar on me not that high fructose shit

I miss stumbleupon

I just saw the ugliest dog I have ever seen in my life. It was a french bulldog mix. Imagine a grey frenchie body with random tufts of long hair and Danny Devito’s head.

I’m too tired to be amusing.

Bsky devs pitching their worst redesign yet:

Happy 80th Birthday to The Pope of Trash: An Interview With John Waters

Seems that being found guilty after a sexual harassment charge makes someone in my office actually do some work for a change. I’m tempted to see if this works on all the shitty employees.

System Update: Still ungodly tired. More updates as events warrant.

You don’t read about it in the gospels but the apostles had a really weird outhouse

I’m considering taking Friday off just to have a break from everyone else’s mental issues.

Invalid handle?? Yeah I got an invalid handle on my life ahahahhh

Where the fuck is MY firmware update?! This universe sucks.

"Your job is so fun," yes, but did you know I have to single handedly fight no fewer than sixth algorithms every day for the privilege of telling people to not set their beds on fire.

finishing off my target with a double ended dildo call that putting the ass to ass in assassin

Tired of the constant horse of autocorrect

Peter Parker should have to molt like other spiders.

I’m a terrible person because every time I see a skeet with a screen capture of the official Iranian twitter account I see the avatar/icon and immediately think of Sbarro, not the Iranian flag.