Gonna have hot flashes tomorrow because I’m already in bed and I forgot my estrogen gel. Today me isn’t giving up comfy bed to go downstairs and put it on so tomorrow me will suffer and swear a lot. I’m not good at prevention.

This guy will never fit in my pocket

This needs to be normalized as a pizza topping.

Shut up, this is important.

I really enjoy NBA greats telling stories of Larry Bird talking trash.

The hot flashes are back. Can I just have the Elvis diet, but for menopause?

Do not move during application of the nozzle

“Russia was behind arson attacks targeting PM, BBC reveals” — www.bbc.com/news/article...

Monday? Yes, my eye wants to pop out of my head and my head is throbbing behind it. Definitely Monday.

You've had disappointments because you've been brave enough to have hopes. You've got scars because you're a foundational part of a big, wild world that leaves nothing unchanged. Keep going.

The weekend goes by so very fast when you sleep 12-14 hours each night of it.

🤬 The Swearsky Index has increased to 4.1%

Piss me off and I’ll fill your leaf blower with pink glitter. Your yard will look like Tinkerbell hit a land mine

but meat crisp lettuce and mayonnaise on toasted bread? that’s always gonna smack, baby

Wee lightening bugs

Burl Ives looking like he’s gonna make a Special Delivery to Poundtown that will have you screaming “BIG COCK CANDY MOUNTAIN!” in unbridled ecstasy.

Joe Rogan is what'd happen if Sylvester Stallone and Elmer Fudd got into a transporter accident.

This has enough new accounts to share again go.bsky.app/NmXS4kq

I'd love if you shared this today, or if you told me what your favorite bird is

Temu ads have become my favorite surrealism

Oof! I feel old because I remember this.

For the cat and/or art lovers… Happy Caturday! 🐈🐱🖼️🎨😻 #cats #Caturday #art #Vermeer #cat

I just spent some time in the woods with the dog. I’m a lot better now. Plus we found a lot of tiny toadies.

Stick my dick in a meatgrinder the way i want it to be groundhog day

you know how sometimes you post something and you know it sucks but deep inside you’re like no, for me this rules actually

someone on jeopardy thought that the huffington post was the first place to report on lincoln's death. reopen the schools

Please sir, my tones, they are def.

Predator vs a Latvian butcher in 1890s Chicago. Goes about how you’d think *Predator chopped up and made into corned beef hash*

Oh! The Turntables Have Timed! ['Cow Abducting a UFO' by Fer Martinez]

I like the think that the beginning of Big Trouble in Little China when Jack Burton is monologuing on the CB is the beginning of podcasting.

via "jester"

No one really limps their bizkit anymore or chemicals their romance.

Me in the group chat

Cover to next week's MAD #600, with a wraparound drawing by Sergio Aragonés. The man is 88 years old and still knockin' it out of the park!

Please sir, my soup is bowling

Group chats? No no no BlueSky I came here to STOP feeling like a loser

Roy Orbison playing the didgeridoo, 1972

I’m just over here texting myself.

DID YOU KNOW? Giant ape nipples explode when detached. NOW YOU KNOW.

I am getting really tired of carrying the dog.

UNITED24: Ukrainian soldiers used a "Vampire" drone to evacuate a cat and her five kittens from the frontline. The operation, which the troops dubbed "Operation Meow-Meow," was carried out by pilots from the 118th Separate Mechanized Brigade on June 8.

i took this video yesterday at powderhorn lake in minneapolis. black bullhead parent herding its fry into a clump and defending them against predators www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJzC...

This is incredible. I haven't seen a wrestling, music video with such flare since the days of Joel Watts in Mid-South #AEW #ROH youtube.com/watch?si=ueB6CcoK1rbioK_E&v=Ls52myG2ESc&feature=youtu.be

Did you know you can use your phone and play the Rainbow Bridge Mario Kart theme music while transporters push you around a hospital and there’s nothing they can do about it.